Bandits are hilarious...? and liers?

[NeverBackDown 3]

Alright,so yesterday night i was with friend at Elektro,he was like "Lets hit Cherno>Balota>Zeleno>NWAF" but i was like "Lets stay and try to make some friends.."
As we were chilling on top of the firestation roof[we didn't have any guns,only camo gear,vests and backpacks..no luck findin a gun],and someone shot at us,he was yellin on skype like "Run b&%ch,Ruuuun!" and i was like "Na ni&&a i stayin here",so i stod up and a guy shot right next to me[#proaim2k14] then i showed him middlefinger and started wigglin,he shot over 5 times[didn't hit me none],so i was like,i might now where he is,we found a body nearby the school with an izh shotgun so i told my friend " yo ni^^a i takin this sh%t so i ran and took his Izh[he had over 50 shells] and then zombie aggro'd the pro sniper bandit,i was smoothly following it with my friend 3 o' clock next to me,and a guy chopped a tree and hidded in it,i saw zombie hittin him,he shot it and i was like "Suprise muthafaka" and he's like "Yo man i'm friendly don't shoot plz" and in my self i was thinking,Wait,..firstly he shots us and now he's friendly?,..hmm think again budd' ;)
My friend tried to axe him,i didn't shoot,i wanted to have him on my aim,we were chasing him for a while,then he finally stopped trying to shot me,i got in stance to shoot him,but my dummie friend stod in front of him when i shot,so luckely i broke that guys legs,...and killed my friend lol..the guy was laying on the ground,i was running towards him reloading my shotgun and then when i was about to aim his head and pop his head,his friend showed up[i guess its his friend] and he was like "Guess who sayin' Suprise muthafaka now?" and he opened my head with an Firefighter axe ...
Even if we died,i was laughin at it lol :D

[Dazinth 14]

I thought I was having a seizure. Nope, not this time.

[doomdude1 48]

You like to use slang a lot.

[MaxTheSurvivor 152]

Ahh kids and their schoolyard stories.

[doctorwhy 157]

Wtf did I just read. Dude go to an English class please.

[anotherdeadhero 71]

Clearly the guy is not english, he is taking the effort to share his story in our language so we can read it so i respect that.

 

Seriously though a bit of space with the enter button would not go a miss neverbackdown.

[doctorwhy 157]

Clearly the guy is not english, he is taking the effort to share his story in our language so we can read it so i respect that.

 

Seriously though a bit of space with the enter button would not go a miss neverbackdown.

Nope this street gibberish not a Brazilian struggling with the language.

[slippery gypsy 107]

Nope this street gibberish not a Brazilian struggling with the language.

i blame iggy azalea for making even more white kids thinking the ghetto is the coolest

[grindstone50k 208]

i blame iggy azalea for making even more white kids thinking the ghetto is the coolest

And now I have "Fancy" stuck in my head.

 

But seriously, OP gave me cancer.

[captain_finnish 134]

"Run b&%ch,Ruuuun!" and i was like "Na ni&&a i stayin here" " yo ni^^a i takin this sh%t "Suprise muthafaka"

You talk like a real American.

[lrp1984 199]

Yeah blud, I hear ya. I wuz like chillin with me homies wen sum punkass muthaf$%ker comes creepin' up me and is like bam, shoot, n ou is dead now. I wuz like, no way is dis cracker gunna killz me. my homes got a defrib me on me ass and I was like, boom, i is alive now and I is lookin to get me some revenge like the crow. so i tracks down the muthaf$$"r and gets me farmin ho out and ruins his head, innit. peace.

[skypig 139]

for the Ebonics/ghetto-speak challenged.

the previous evening my friend and I were in elektro when he communicated his desire to travel a predetermined path to the north western airfield.

"nay!" I replied to him "instead we should remain here and try to make acquaintances with our fellow survivors."

currently we were relaxing on the roof of the fire station with only the clothes on our backs as we have not yet procured any firearms.

suddenly a shot rang out "hark! we should vacate these premises post haste!" my startled friend yelled.

"nay!" I said to him again, "I stall remain here and stand my ground!"

I got to my feet and communicated with our assailant using universally recognized sign language. he did not seem to care and continued to fire at me. I avoided his shots doing a well known dance, a jig, if you will, while scouting the area for the shooter.

"aha!" I said, "I do believe I have found his location!"

as we exited the fire station I saw a poor soul who expired previously and scavenged his remains for a firearm and ammunition.

by some stroke of luck our assailant has attracted the attention of some starving, fevered locals whom I followed to his location.

finding him located under a tree I shouted "you there! buggerer of mothers!" completely catching him off guard.

"my dear sir I am but a friend, a lonely traveler of sorts." he said.

believing none of his lies my companion proceeded to practice the time honored woodsman's art on the individual.

having none of this he leapt to his feet and escaped.

we gave chase and he slowed momentarily allowing my friend to catch him... in his over eagerness to exact revenge my friend inadvertently placed himself between our prey and my gun! in my over zealous joy to do the same I fired my farmers weapon of carnage rendering my dear friend lifeless but also incapacitating the scoundrel!!

weeping for my loss and also at the joy of the hunt I approached the wounded shooter.

with nary a word and a steely look of determination in my eye I leveled my shot gun at him....

but alas, as I was about to fire I was surprised. it seems my victim had a friend as well and called out "hark! the tables have been turned!" as he proceeded swing his fire axe at me releasing my earthbound soul from my now lifeless body.

yay though we both died we relished the time of our adventure!

[Mor (DayZ) 57]

... As we were chilling on top of the firestation roof[we didn't have any guns,only camo gear,vests and backpacks..no luck findin a gun],and someone shot at us ...

... and i was like "Suprise muthafaka" and he's like "Yo man i'm friendly don't shoot plz" and in my self i was thinking,Wait,..firstly he shots us and now he's friendly?,..hmm think again budd' ;) ...

He had no idea if you had guns or what are your intentions and someone in camo gear lurking in such elevated position, is more often than not a sniper noob, looking for easy pickings. With two of you there, i might have shoot at your direction as well, it just not worth the risk of running around exposed like that.

[Jex 1104]

for the Ebonics/ghetto-speak challenged.

the previous evening my friend and I were in elektro when he communicated his desire to travel a predetermined path to the north western airfield.

"nay!" I replied to him "instead we should remain here and try to make acquaintances with our fellow survivors."

currently we were relaxing on the roof of the fire station with only the clothes on our backs as we have not yet procured any firearms.

suddenly a shot rang out "hark! we should vacate these premises post haste!" my startled friend yelled.

"nay!" I said to him again, "I stall remain here and stand my ground!"

I got to my feet and communicated with our assailant using universally recognized sign language. he did not seem to care and continued to fire at me. I avoided his shots doing a well known dance, a jig, if you will, while scouting the area for the shooter.

"aha!" I said, "I do believe I have found his location!"

as we exited the fire station I saw a poor soul who expired previously and scavenged his remains for a firearm and ammunition.

by some stroke of luck our assailant has attracted the attention of some starving, fevered locals whom I followed to his location.

finding him located under a tree I shouted "you there! buggerer of mothers!" completely catching him off guard.

"my dear sir I am but a friend, a lonely traveler of sorts." he said.

believing none of his lies my companion proceeded to practice the time honored woodsman's art on the individual.

having none of this he leapt to his feet and escaped.

we gave chase and he slowed momentarily allowing my friend to catch him... in his over eagerness to exact revenge my friend inadvertently placed himself between our prey and my gun! in my over zealous joy to do the same I fired my farmers weapon of carnage rendering my dear friend lifeless but also incapacitating the scoundrel!!

weeping for my loss and also at the joy of the hunt I approached the wounded shooter.

with nary a word and a steely look of determination in my eye I leveled my shot gun at him....

but alas, as I was about to fire I was surprised. it seems my victim had a friend as well and called out "hark! the tables have been turned!" as he proceeded swing his fire axe at me releasing my earthbound soul from my now lifeless body.

yay though we both died we relished the time of our adventure!

 

HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAA Awesome sauce lol!

[doctorwhy 157]

for the Ebonics/ghetto-speak challenged.

the previous evening my friend and I were in elektro when he communicated his desire to travel a predetermined path to the north western airfield.

"nay!" I replied to him "instead we should remain here and try to make acquaintances with our fellow survivors."

currently we were relaxing on the roof of the fire station with only the clothes on our backs as we have not yet procured any firearms.

suddenly a shot rang out "hark! we should vacate these premises post haste!" my startled friend yelled.

"nay!" I said to him again, "I stall remain here and stand my ground!"

I got to my feet and communicated with our assailant using universally recognized sign language. he did not seem to care and continued to fire at me. I avoided his shots doing a well known dance, a jig, if you will, while scouting the area for the shooter.

"aha!" I said, "I do believe I have found his location!"

as we exited the fire station I saw a poor soul who expired previously and scavenged his remains for a firearm and ammunition.

by some stroke of luck our assailant has attracted the attention of some starving, fevered locals whom I followed to his location.

finding him located under a tree I shouted "you there! buggerer of mothers!" completely catching him off guard.

"my dear sir I am but a friend, a lonely traveler of sorts." he said.

believing none of his lies my companion proceeded to practice the time honored woodsman's art on the individual.

having none of this he leapt to his feet and escaped.

we gave chase and he slowed momentarily allowing my friend to catch him... in his over eagerness to exact revenge my friend inadvertently placed himself between our prey and my gun! in my over zealous joy to do the same I fired my farmers weapon of carnage rendering my dear friend lifeless but also incapacitating the scoundrel!!

weeping for my loss and also at the joy of the hunt I approached the wounded shooter.

with nary a word and a steely look of determination in my eye I leveled my shot gun at him....

but alas, as I was about to fire I was surprised. it seems my victim had a friend as well and called out "hark! the tables have been turned!" as he proceeded swing his fire axe at me releasing my earthbound soul from my now lifeless body.

yay though we both died we relished the time of our adventure!

You win the internets my friend,

[OrganGrinder 89]

for the Ebonics/ghetto-speak challenged.

the previous evening my friend and I were in elektro when he communicated his desire to travel a predetermined path to the north western airfield.

"nay!" I replied to him "instead we should remain here and try to make acquaintances with our fellow survivors."

currently we were relaxing on the roof of the fire station with only the clothes on our backs as we have not yet procured any firearms.

suddenly a shot rang out "hark! we should vacate these premises post haste!" my startled friend yelled.

"nay!" I said to him again, "I stall remain here and stand my ground!"

I got to my feet and communicated with our assailant using universally recognized sign language. he did not seem to care and continued to fire at me. I avoided his shots doing a well known dance, a jig, if you will, while scouting the area for the shooter.

"aha!" I said, "I do believe I have found his location!"

as we exited the fire station I saw a poor soul who expired previously and scavenged his remains for a firearm and ammunition.

by some stroke of luck our assailant has attracted the attention of some starving, fevered locals whom I followed to his location.

finding him located under a tree I shouted "you there! buggerer of mothers!" completely catching him off guard.

"my dear sir I am but a friend, a lonely traveler of sorts." he said.

believing none of his lies my companion proceeded to practice the time honored woodsman's art on the individual.

having none of this he leapt to his feet and escaped.

we gave chase and he slowed momentarily allowing my friend to catch him... in his over eagerness to exact revenge my friend inadvertently placed himself between our prey and my gun! in my over zealous joy to do the same I fired my farmers weapon of carnage rendering my dear friend lifeless but also incapacitating the scoundrel!!

weeping for my loss and also at the joy of the hunt I approached the wounded shooter.

with nary a word and a steely look of determination in my eye I leveled my shot gun at him....

but alas, as I was about to fire I was surprised. it seems my victim had a friend as well and called out "hark! the tables have been turned!" as he proceeded swing his fire axe at me releasing my earthbound soul from my now lifeless body.

yay though we both died we relished the time of our adventure!

 

Thank you for the translation.  Written that way it sounds like a scene from one of the Sherlock Holmes novels...  The Zeds of Baskerville perhaps?

[OrganGrinder 89]

Actually This sounds a lot like my typical game play:

 

    Someone shoots at me while I am stupidly out in the open, I try to get the better of the person then wind up getting killed by my own lack of sensibilities.  Oh, and sometimes I accidentally kill my friends in the process.  Come to think of it, my friends haven't been playing with me lately...  *hmm*

[skypig 139]

Thank you for the translation. Written that way it sounds like a scene from one of the Sherlock Holmes novels... The Zeds of Baskerville perhaps?

hahahaha Nice!

[Old_Crow_Whiskey 119]

The translation made clicking on this thread worth while. Thank you.  :thumbsup:

 

Hopefully the OP learned a few lessons here. First one is don't play with your food.

[slippery gypsy 107]

throw some shoes up on the power lines shorty got caught slippin 

[RagedDrew 209]

Heck I'm out of breathe reading that, seems to have been typed up by some hyper active 12 year old who's buzzing his head off on some coke (the soft drink kind, full of sugar)