The day in the life of an utter expert

[razgriz93@gmail.com 228]

Hey dude, who are you talking to? Did someone disrespect you?

Go in peace...

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/navy-seal-copypasta

[mooky32 308]

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/navy-seal-copypasta

Lol classic. :)

[Itchysock 35]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bambi? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Bluefor Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the NWAF, and I have over 300 fresh spawns confirmed kills. I am trained in Coastal warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire DayZ armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another bambi. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this server, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the local voice chat? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of zombie-spies across Chernarus and your location is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your character. You’re fucking shored, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with fire extinguisher. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Balota Camp and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Chernarus, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit canned spaghetti all over you and you will drown in them. You’re fucking dead, bambi.

 

:) I hate internet tough guys as well!

 

I am generally 6ft 2, built like a greek god and would crush most with my one hand.

 

And an expert gamer..

 

peace...

Edited January 14, 2014 by Itchycock

[Itchysock 35]

First person only server? If so ya that is pretty epic

 

First person only server? If so ya that is pretty epic

 

No difference to us, we are amazing at both, but prefer 3rd person!

Edited January 14, 2014 by Itchycock

[Gimpylung 40]

I'd like to thank Mooky and Itchy for a wonderful thread and fine parody.

 

So many little trolls taken in by the expertism of our 2 heroic anti-trolls.

 

In my youth I aspired to your levels of expertism, finishing many a game on my C64(except Double Dragon II, damn those Elvis lookalike bosses)

 

I let myself slide however and now I look at you 2 guys and I see what I could have been.

 

Now I server hop to pick up good gear due to irrational fears of confrontation and lack of confidence. I'm pathetic.

 

You've given me hope, I can be a better man. For this I thank you.

[mooky32 308]

I'd like to thank Mooky and Itchy for a wonderful thread and fine parody.

 

So many little trolls taken in by the expertism of our 2 heroic anti-trolls.

 

In my youth I aspired to your levels of expertism, finishing many a game on my C64(except Double Dragon II, damn those Elvis lookalike bosses)

 

I let myself slide however and now I look at you 2 guys and I see what I could have been.

 

Now I server hop to pick up good gear due to irrational fears of confrontation and lack of confidence. I'm pathetic.

 

You've given me hope, I can be a better man. For this I thank you.

Hey Gimpy,

 

I know what you mean about youthful expertism. Itchy and I were known locally as the "Dream Team" We were experts on Speccy, C64, Atari ST, Amiga, Sega Master System , NES, SNES, Gamecube, N64, Saturn, Dreamcast, PS1 and PS2.

 

We then took a break and dominated sports at our school in case there was any hint we might be computer nerds or something.

 

So after that and bagging the hottest girls at school we pretty decided we were "IT".

 

So yes to emulate our lives , impossible and maybe even dangerous for "ordinaries".

 

Stick to hero worship and learning what you can from our brilliance, absorbing our wisdom like milk from a teat. In this way you will become better (but naturally nowhere near our level of skill).

 

So welome to the Elektro Enlightened brother.

[Gimpylung 40]

You honour a mere acolyte by addressing me directly, for this I give thanks.

 

Yes indeed, I was that guy once. I was the guy that could fix your C64 datasette head with an expert twist of my trusty flathead jewelers screwdriver so it would load that dodgy tape that was copied on a crappy Sanyo dual tape deck. My other C64 owning luddite friends were in awe of my skills and general greatness. 

 

But those heady days of brilliance and expertise are gone, only yesterday I got an alert telling me my graphic drivers needed to be updated...and I ignored it! What have I become, a mere husk of faded greatness.

 

My eyes once had a spark of life to them, now they are merely lifeless holes that echo the void that lies behind them.

 

But you have kindled hope in me, a long dead flame is reignited.

 

I can never be what was once possible but I can at least aspire to improve.

 

I will follow you, I will worship you, just knowing you exist and that expertism has been personified in your being gives my existence meaning.

 

I will call you Blessed and continue to covet the nuggets of your wisdom.

Edited January 14, 2014 by Gimpylung

[mooky32 308]

You honour a mere acolyte by addressing me directly, for this I give thanks.

 

Yes indeed, I was that guy once. I was the guy that could fix your C64 datasette head with an expert twist of my trusty flathead jewelers screwdriver so it would load that dodgy tape that was copied on a crappy Sanyo dual tape deck. My other C64 owning luddite friends were in awe of my skills and general greatness. 

 

But those heady days of brilliance and expertise are gone, only yesterday I got an alert telling me my graphic drivers needed to be updated...and I ignored it! What have I become, a mere husk of faded greatness.

 

My eyes once had a spark of life to them, now they are merely lifeless holes that echo the void that lies behind them.

 

But you have kindled hope in me, a long dead flame is reignited.

 

I can never be what was once possible but I can at least aspire to improve.

 

I will follow you, I will worship you, just knowing you exist and that expertism has been personified in your being gives my existence meaning.

 

I will call you Blessed and continue to covet the nuggets of your wisdom.

Peace be with you son. What you have done is a rare skill. You have accepted your lot as someone in the past who at the absolute peak of their gaming powers could have been 1/10th as good as Itchy or I but who now has let that high fade and is now one of the masses.

Well you know what you are no longer that man. Acceptance is the first step on the way to recovery as part of the Elektro enlightened.

Sure we could beat your highscore in any video game known to man by a factor of 10 but so what? You have taken our light into your life and are free from such worries now. We do all the hard stuff for you , you will be instructed and you grow. All we ask is a fierce loyalty that burns brighter than a 1 million watt bulb. You should love us unconditionally and take a bullet for us at a minutes notice.

 

Go in peace brother

[Gimpylung 40]

Acceptance of my limitations has purged my soul. We can't all be Blessed but at least we can be enlightened.

 

I feel like I have joystick waggled my way to total victory in Daley Thompsons Decathlon gaining the third highest score of all time.

 

If only the unbelievers would quit their skepticism and leave aside their demands for 'videos' and accept your Word and the Truth.

 

'Cool story Bro' has become their mantra as their dissatisfaction becomes more manifest, I pity them and their futile and cynical existences.  

[PhillyT 554]

I loved this.  The number of people who didn't seem to get it was somewhat shocking however.

[mooky32 308]

Acceptance of my limitations has purged my soul. We can't all be Blessed but at least we can be enlightened.

 

I feel like I have joystick waggled my way to total victory in Daley Thompsons Decathlon gaining the third highest score of all time.

 

If only the unbelievers would quit their skepticism and leave aside their demands for 'videos' and accept your Word and the Truth.

 

'Cool story Bro' has become their mantra as their dissatisfaction becomes more manifest, I pity them and their futile and cynical existences.  

You are enlightened now and so your words carry our message brother.

I was an absolute master at Daley Thompsons on both Kempston and keyboard, good times.

 

As for non-believers I pity them but also offer the hand of friendship in the hope they will repent and join our fold.

For we are kind and accept all to our flock, the poor, the needy, the unskilled, the young the old and even those who have a face like a bee keepers apprentice - all are precious to us.

 

Elektro provides child...

[mooky32 308]

I loved this.  The number of people who didn't seem to get it was somewhat shocking however.

Indeed you are enlightened my son, I will see you on "the hill"

 

Peace go with you.

[muddyraccoon 176]

I decided to read the story and the first 2 pages of this forum.  I would say "people don't get it" but we already knew that would happen.  I don't even raise one of my always furrowed eyebrows to the 20 pages of what I can only guess are woefully unappreciative and envious zombies.  I refer to other players as Zombies as encounters with them are boring, predictable, much like the NPC.  Groups in cities, is the only way to feel a gentle rush of blood through my brain. 

 

Every morning before I go to work I slap my neighbor and ask him why he isn't more like me yet.  Every night before I play DayZ I oil my pecs continuously for 25 minutes (no more, no less) while staring at myself in the mirror.  At the end, I say "They Wish."  Then I log on and conquer a coast. 

 

I play on my computer generally while I'm on my phone solving most of the world's problems.  Remember the Cold War?  That was easy,  I'm 29 and getting younger.  I intimidated my body's cells to reverse their aging and we have gotten along amicably ever since they complied.  I have, using the power of thought alone, proven that space-time can be traversed as easily as doing a one-handed push up, of which I do 30,000 of each day.  Per Arm. 

 

One day, when I decide I would like to die, and only then, I will appear on top of a boulder in the middle of a wide field surrounded by the already departed souls of the billions that have lived before me.  They will turn to look at me as I ask "Is this where people go when they die?"  A small shaky voice will come out of the crowd "We don't know, we just decided to wait for you."  then I'll repy "I know."

 

Your story interests me Mooky.  May we never meet.  Reality wouldn't survive the battle. 

[Dr. Goner 661]

This will be equally uncomfortable for you to read friend, I am a married man. My wife was an aspiring model in her youth but she has now looked after by her adoring husband and only has to worry about her next vacation. Gaming is fun but looked to your loved ones for the real inspiration of life. Sure I can dominate a computer game but hey - its just a game. Peace to you my friend.

 

Does she give blow jobs like an ATM machine? 

 

Also, do you even lift?

[Dr. Goner 661]

I am way better than you at this game, I'm better than you at everything and I'm the best at anything I try to do. If I don't try to do it, it's shit. Just test me.

 

Levity can be found here, I picture you as the guy in the building towards the end: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJuEnSeB3TQ

 

EDIT: I have no mirrors in my home because they make me erect. It's huge.

 

EDIT 2: Bigger than your yours. . . trust me.

Edited January 14, 2014 by DrGonzo

[Itchysock 35]

I am way better than you at this game, I'm better than you at everything and I'm the best at anything I try to do. If I don't try to do it, it's shit. Just test me.

 

Levity can be found here, I picture you as the guy in the building towards the end: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJuEnSeB3TQ

 

EDIT: I have no mirrors in my home because they make me erect. It's huge.

 

EDIT 2: Bigger than your yours. . . trust me.

 

I turned off 2 seconds after your annoying twangy American accent - was one second to long - and that was amateur.

 

ps. I am sure I killed those two survivors with a can of beans, it all looks familiar..

Edited January 14, 2014 by Itchycock

[Itchysock 35]

I feel like I have joystick waggled my way to total victory in Daley Thompsons Decathlon gaining the third highest score of all time.

  

 

Fine writing brother, and you have been promoted to the top of the electro enlightened for that comment above! I went through 45 joysticks to get the all time high score for DTD.  My only failure on the speccy was coming second in ant attack, my friend, who had a annoying habit of shitting himself, storing it in his pants while waiting until it dried and then proceeding to throw it at you, well his mother took top score on that game.

 

Is that ted bundy in your profile photo?

 

Peace brother

[Dr. Goner 661]

I turned off 2 seconds after your annoying twangy American accent - was one second to long - and that was amateur.

 

ps. I am sure I killed those two survivors with a can of beans, it all looks familiar..

 

It's not my voice. It's your mom's voice.

[Dr. Goner 661]

Fine writing brother, and you have been promoted to the top of the electro enlightened for that comment above! I went through 45 joysticks to get the all time high score for DTD.  My only failure on the speccy was coming second in ant attack, my friend, who had a annoying habit of shitting himself, storing it in his pants while waiting until it dried and then proceeding to throw it at you, well his mother took top score on that game.

 

Is that ted bundy in your profile photo?

 

Peace brother

 

Close, but it's actually George W. Bush. I was a better president than him.

 

Also, I am better than you at everything. Do not try to test me. 

[Itchysock 35]

It's not my voice. It's your mom's voice.

 

Do people actually still use mom jokes?

 

One, it is your voice, you are a yank, only yanks use words that are not really proper English, like 'mom'

 

Two, that was the most boring video I have ever seen.

 

Stick to following us and you will learn not only how to speak proper English, but how to game properly as well

 

Peace be with you brother.

[Dr. Goner 661]

Do people actually still use mom jokes?

 

One, it is your voice, you are a yank, only yanks use words that are not really proper English, like 'mom'

 

Two, that was the most boring video I have ever seen.

 

Stick to following us and you will learn not only how to speak proper English, but how to game properly as well

 

Peace be with you brother.

 

Your mom uses your mom jokes.

 

If you don't know Bikest Man you are a sad person, I can't help you with that.

 

Just remember, we've already established that I am better than you so don't back track now. 

[Dr. Goner 661]

A. Shakes hornets nest.

B or 3 or whatever number we're on: Runs like his mother when hornets chase him back under bridge.

[Itchysock 35]

I decided to read the story and the first 2 pages of this forum.  I would say "people don't get it" but we already knew that would happen.  I don't even raise one of my always furrowed eyebrows to the 20 pages of what I can only guess are woefully unappreciative and envious zombies.  I refer to other players as Zombies as encounters with them are boring, predictable, much like the NPC.  Groups in cities, is the only way to feel a gentle rush of blood through my brain. 

 

Every morning before I go to work I slap my neighbor and ask him why he isn't more like me yet.  Every night before I play DayZ I oil my pecs continuously for 25 minutes (no more, no less) while staring at myself in the mirror.  At the end, I say "They Wish."  Then I log on and conquer a coast. 

 

I play on my computer generally while I'm on my phone solving most of the world's problems.  Remember the Cold War?  That was easy,  I'm 29 and getting younger.  I intimidated my body's cells to reverse their aging and we have gotten along amicably ever since they complied.  I have, using the power of thought alone, proven that space-time can be traversed as easily as doing a one-handed push up, of which I do 30,000 of each day.  Per Arm. 

 

One day, when I decide I would like to die, and only then, I will appear on top of a boulder in the middle of a wide field surrounded by the already departed souls of the billions that have lived before me.  They will turn to look at me as I ask "Is this where people go when they die?"  A small shaky voice will come out of the crowd "We don't know, we just decided to wait for you."  then I'll repy "I know."

 

Your story interests me Mooky.  May we never meet.  Reality wouldn't survive the battle. 

 

Thank you brother for taking the time to read this true story of how to rule electro.  I do feel you lack some confidence as you only slap your neighbour rather than striking a hammer blow for not trying hard enough to be like you.  Maybe if he was to oil those precious pecs, you could give him 25 mins (no more no less) of your utter wisdom, your knowledge smoothly seeping into the fabric of his brain as oil does on your bare chest, only the reflection in the mirror a poignant sign of a life he cant have. My first game which I invented was simple, who could rub two sticks together the fastest, yes it was me, and that's how fire was created, which lead to a new world enlightenment.  When you decide to die, please let me and mooky know, we will touch you on the head and give you our blessing and you can be at peace with our brothers that have gone before. 

[Itchysock 35]

Your mom uses your mom jokes.

 

If you don't know Bikest Man you are a sad person, I can't help you with that.

 

Just remember, we've already established that I am better than you so don't back track now. 

 

It seems we have a troll that makes joey decon look highly intelligent, witty and generally capable of holding true a conversation compared to his futile attempts to spoil a thread for true experts and believers.

 

I have no idea who the bikest man is and care less for him as I do my next victim trying to raid a fire station in electro that's as untouched as a nuns fanny.

 

Please take you egotistic attitude and lack of though elsewhere and stop trolling this thread.

 

Peace be with you brother in your contempt of true masters of the universe.

[Dr. Goner 661]

It seems we have a troll that makes joey decon look highly intelligent, witty and generally capable of holding true a conversation compared to his futile attempts to spoil a thread for true experts and believers.

 

I have no idea who the bikest man is and care less for him as I do my next victim trying to raid a fire station in electro that's as untouched as a nuns fanny.

 

Please take you egotistic attitude and lack of though elsewhere and stop trolling this thread.

 

Peace be with you brother in your contempt of true masters of the universe.

 

 

Just having a little fun mate. I like this back and forth. I'm currently very bored at work and this is helping pass the time greatly. I didn't mean to upset your delicate sensibilities. I just assumed that such a master-of-badassery-witchcraft-and-art-of-killing-war would have had thicker skin. My mistake, I'll put on the kid gloves from here out.

 

I've never been able to explain my lack of "though", though I've tried many times. That's just one of those conundrums we'll have to leave for the philosophers. 

 

How do you feel about George Washington?