If you want free beans come here!!!!!!!!

[Candylol 82]

just post your funniest experience in dayz here and i'll give you free beans for free!!!!!!!

sorry if i don't get you free beans straight away im probably offline but i will give the beans to you once i came back

[Inception. 9443]

Well, I spawned once

And then logged off

The end

EDIT: Wait why the hell is this is in "health and fitness"? Moved, what the hell

Edited December 2, 2012 by Inception.

[Candylol 82]

beans you need to look out you might get unfit if you eat too many ;)

the story is alright tho but i'll give you beans anyway ;)

Edited December 3, 2012 by Candylol

[ianramos 47]

Well...

I have a friend which I play DayZ with.

Once we found a helicopter, a camp to be straight.

After that, I got the helicopter (it was 100% working). In the way back to our camp, we found ANOTHER camp with another helicopter. He ejected and got it. It was a little bit red but flyable. He landed at our camp, so I. After that, we were going to the airfield. So we got the first helicopter we found (I was piloting). When the heli was like.. 50 meters above our camp, he said: "Oh wait, let me get a DMR". And I said: "Eject and go for it, I'll be landing." Then he said: "No, land first, we are too close." When I was landing again, he ejected.

What happened?

I don't even know how to explain this: when he ejected, I think his parachute hit the helice (main rotor, or w/e) and BOOOOM, we both died, the helicopter blew up. When we got there, every single vehicle blew up aswell. Not funny. D=

[Dancing.Russian.Man 1631]

There are no such things as free beans.

Not until your prove me wrong.

Edit; Well.. Damn.

Edited December 2, 2012 by Dancing.Russian.Man

[nik21 287]

Could someone sincerly ban the OP? :)

[lvg 1690]

Could someone sincerly ban the OP? :)

Surprisingly he's not done anything wrong yet.

You're just a little over enthusiastic aren't ya Candy?

[Feral (DayZ) 622]

i spawned at kamenka and was heading towards the lighthouse to kill myself when i heard a chopper. I crouched in a bush and it landed about 50 metres away, the pilot got out and ran towards me firing his pistol, I was unarmed so I bolted to the chopper, he missed me completely and got raped by zeds aggro, for some reason the door gunner didn't open fire so I got in the heli and took off.

The pilot managed to get in too so I had two passengers a fully green heli with about 90% fuel so I flew out towards the sea and just auto hovered about 100 m above the ocean and went out shopping with the missus.

I got back about a couple of hours later, the chopper was still there with my two trusty gunners in situ. I opened vehicle chat and asked them if they were having fun, they both started swearing and cursing and basically going mental so I went downstairs to make myself some dinner, got back about half an hour later and yep, they were still there, I asked if they were still having fun and they exploded again so I decided to fly them back to the mainland where I flew about as fast and as close to the tree tops and buildings as i could until the fuel started to flash red at which point i headed out to sea again and hovered about 30 metres above the ocean and went afk again.

When i got back I was dead so I guess the fuel ran out and we crashed. I like to think that one of them survived and had to wait to die of starvation or thirst but I'll never know. Best kamenka spawn ever and nice revenge for getting shot at as a new spawn. Troll was successful.

[ianramos 47]

i spawned at kamenka and was heading towards the lighthouse to kill myself when i heard a chopper. I crouched in a bush and it landed about 50 metres away, the pilot got out and ran towards me firing his pistol, I was unarmed so I bolted to the chopper, he missed me completely and got raped by zeds aggro, for some reason the door gunner didn't open fire so I got in the heli and took off.

The pilot managed to get in too so I had two passengers a fully green heli with about 90% fuel so I flew out towards the sea and just auto hovered about 100 m above the ocean and went out shopping with the missus.

I got back about a couple of hours later, the chopper was still there with my two trusty gunners in situ. I opened vehicle chat and asked them if they were having fun, they both started swearing and cursing and basically going mental so I went downstairs to make myself some dinner, got back about half an hour later and yep, they were still there, I asked if they were still having fun and they exploded again so I decided to fly them back to the mainland where I flew about as fast and as close to the tree tops and buildings as i could until the fuel started to flash red at which point i headed out to sea again and hovered about 30 metres above the ocean and went afk again.

When i got back I was dead so I guess the fuel ran out and we crashed. I like to think that one of them survived and had to wait to die of starvation or thirst but I'll never know. Best kamenka spawn ever and nice revenge for getting shot at as a new spawn. Troll was successful.

OMG LOOLOLOOL

[Candylol 82]

free beans anyone

[spexnax 15]

Wabbit, you are one cool customer.

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Well I'll throw out one that is server specific. Amongst our server we implemented the genius idea of adding building parts so people could start to build bases in private locations around the server. Rules were simple if you pick up an object you can only walk with it otherwise your character falls to prone to lock it into place scroll, you can unlock and individuals base parts but it is a 30 sec timer per part and you are stuck there. that being said here comes the lipstick..

I'm in electro hospital geared up for a ninja bloodbagging adventure stationed at the lower roof to scout for survivors in need. Someone had placed a hesco in the middle of the road to slow down vehicles passing through I'm assuming for checkpoint type purposes as there were roughly 45 on the server so lots of passer by's. I'm cheking my gear when I hear an akm spewing down the by the church. A survivor barrels out onto the road and he is getting round after round emptied onto the street around him as he pulls the serpent. Excited to get involved on a slam hogging blood bag slap I prepare and move down the ladder. The direct includes survivor screaming "Stop,Stop!" and the bandit in tow yelling "I'm going to wear your ears on my necklace, stop running!"

As they approach the road block the kid bunkers down on the otherside as the bandit reloads and starts peppering the hesco. Unaware of the server additions within the last 30 mins the bandit chuckles and starts to move around for the finishing touch. The survivor is stuck unlocking the object in desperation of the 30 second timer as deaths grip is hovering. The survivor unlocks the hesco and stands up. Bandit confused and hungry for blood stops shooting as the wall starts to move in his direction at walking speed. The bandit yells out, "what are you doing? stop that and die already." As he keeps ripping into the wall with rounds he realizes this is not going to work. The survivor says "you wouldn't want to see me when I'm angry." que Hulk reference as he presses on picking up momentum towards the bandit. The bandit gets nervous and makes a break for the market as the survivor starts to spin 360's in the street with a 15 foot wall. He clips the bandit and breaks his leg mid stride. Not sure if I had just stepped into a marvel comic in process I standbye and watch as the bandit is helplessly smashed to death by a wall of misfortune. But it doesnt stop short their as the survivor now has a buddy down the street with another wall and they are in full communication setting up for some tom foolery. The two move his gear to the middle of the street inbetween the two buildings east of the church and drop the walls on both sides. The bandit moves back into town and is clueless as he goes for his akm. The two move in on both sides and pick up both walls again trapping the bandit in a 4 wall funnel. Laughing like school girls, they each take step after step closer and the bandti panics shooting everywhere running from one wall to the next looking for escape. They smash him inbetween the walls again and cant stop laughing. By accident the east survivor steps closer forcing the wall over his buddy taking him out in the process as he screams in agony with his bones broken. I move in for my ninja blood bag when the east survivor sees me and Hulk smashes me between the building and wall.

Steak and Potatoes turned to ground beef and mash. After server restart all items were properly adjusted so it did not occur again but I was thanked for the funniest five minutes of their dayz lives.

[colekern 1364]

Well I'll throw out one that is server specific. Amongst our server we implemented the genius idea of adding building parts so people could start to build bases in private locations around the server. Rules were simple if you pick up an object you can only walk with it otherwise your character falls to prone to lock it into place scroll, you can unlock and individuals base parts but it is a 30 sec timer per part and you are stuck there. that being said here comes the lipstick..

I'm in electro hospital geared up for a ninja bloodbagging adventure stationed at the lower roof to scout for survivors in need. Someone had placed a hesco in the middle of the road to slow down vehicles passing through I'm assuming for checkpoint type purposes as there were roughly 45 on the server so lots of passer by's. I'm cheking my gear when I hear an akm spewing down the by the church. A survivor barrels out onto the road and he is getting round after round emptied onto the street around him as he pulls the serpent. Excited to get involved on a slam hogging blood bag slap I prepare and move down the ladder. The direct includes survivor screaming "Stop,Stop!" and the bandit in tow yelling "I'm going to wear your ears on my necklace, stop running!"

As they approach the road block the kid bunkers down on the otherside as the bandit reloads and starts peppering the hesco. Unaware of the server additions within the last 30 mins the bandit chuckles and starts to move around for the finishing touch. The survivor is stuck unlocking the object in desperation of the 30 second timer as deaths grip is hovering. The survivor unlocks the hesco and stands up. Bandit confused and hungry for blood stops shooting as the wall starts to move in his direction at walking speed. The bandit yells out, "what are you doing? stop that and die already." As he keeps ripping into the wall with rounds he realizes this is not going to work. The survivor says "you wouldn't want to see me when I'm angry." que Hulk reference as he presses on picking up momentum towards the bandit. The bandit gets nervous and makes a break for the market as the survivor starts to spin 360's in the street with a 15 foot wall. He clips the bandit and breaks his leg mid stride. Not sure if I had just stepped into a marvel comic in process I standbye and watch as the bandit is helplessly smashed to death by a wall of misfortune. But it doesnt stop short their as the survivor now has a buddy down the street with another wall and they are in full communication setting up for some tom foolery. The two move his gear to the middle of the street inbetween the two buildings east of the church and drop the walls on both sides. The bandit moves back into town and is clueless as he goes for his akm. The two move in on both sides and pick up both walls again trapping the bandit in a 4 wall funnel. Laughing like school girls, they each take step after step closer and the bandti panics shooting everywhere running from one wall to the next looking for escape. They smash him inbetween the walls again and cant stop laughing. By accident the east survivor steps closer forcing the wall over his buddy taking him out in the process as he screams in agony with his bones broken. I move in for my ninja blood bag when the east survivor sees me and Hulk smashes me between the building and wall.

Steak and Potatoes turned to ground beef and mash. After server restart all items were properly adjusted so it did not occur again but I was thanked for the funniest five minutes of their dayz lives.

Paragraphs. Now give me beans.

Edited December 3, 2012 by colekern

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Paragraphs. Now give me beans.

I got a paragraph right here for ya (points to crotch)

[Candylol 82]

anymore guys

[waitdontsh00t 14]

Well, I saw two planes looping around each other in the air messing around, and I asked if they could land and get me. They said yes and I was happy because I was lost, hungry, thirsty, no ammo...well you get the idea! So I start running to an open field (They were behind me) and they were preparing to land. As I run towards the field all of a sudden I hear, BOOOM! I turn around to see a giant fireball and debris flying toward me. As I scramble for cover, they told me that they flew into each other and...well that's what happened. I was cracking up at the same time but also sad that I lost my chance of escape. But on the plus side I was able to get their gear! ^^

[mzltv 2281]

Why is there such a facsination with gaining beans?

It's not as if it's going to make you a super-power on the forums, or anything.

[joeoblong@yahoo.com 614]

Why is there such a facsination with gaining beans?

It's not as if it's going to make you a super-power on the forums, or anything.

You sure about that? I heard old posters who've vanished never really left. They just gained access to the upper room in the radio tower @ green mountain. It is the entrance to the real DayZ forums!

(disclaimer) If I am banned just tell my zombied wife & kids mmmurphm aaarghle!

[Derpy_Hooves (DayZ) 4521]

You sure about that? I heard old posters who've vanished never really left. They just gained access to the upper room in the radio tower @ green mountain. It is the entrance to the real DayZ forums!

(disclaimer) If I am banned just tell my zombied wife & kids mmmurphm aaarghle!

This guy never existed -_-

[puppetworx 474]

Verily I descended my bosom to the ground and aimeth'd mine musket to the heavens veraciously contorting my person in the process. From here ample thrusting rotation of the hips did indeed lead to much amusement and a merry time to be had by all.

Quite.

[Maca (DayZ) 769]

Why is there such a facsination with gaining beans?

It's not as if it's going to make you a super-power on the forums, or anything.

Beanz, beanz, the magical fruit

The more you eat, the more you loot

The more you loot, the better you feel

So we have beans at every meal!¹

or

Beanz, beanz, they're good for your heart

The more you eat, the more you fart

The more you fart, the happier/better you feel

So let's eat beans with every meal¹

or

Beanz, beanz, they're good for your heart

The more you eat, the more you fart

The more you fart, the more you eat

The more you sit on the toilet seat

or

Beanz, beanz, they give you gas

They make you fart, and burn your ass

The more you eat, the more it hurts

So slow down your eating to stop the squirts

So you might not get forum super-powers, but Beanz will make you do crazy things...

@Candy sorry for going off-topic.

[Candylol 82]

it's ok don't mind at all ;)

[major.skrewup@gmail.com 177]

I once abused the map marker tool

was funny imo

https://dl.dropbox.com/u/7352483/Other%20Games/Dayz/arma2oa%202012-09-06%2017-21-00-40.png

Edited December 3, 2012 by Skrewy

[B1rd_of_H3rmes 12]

I`ll tell you what happened to me. I was playing on a server in dayZ, and I found an mp5 and silenced m9 in a tent, both with heaps of ammo. Then, what do you know, 30 second later everyone on it spawned in the middle of the ocean. So I went on another server, and as soon as I found some good gear, everyone spawned in military base with DMRs and silenced m9s. Well, obviously I was pissed of by that, so I named my new character "Death by Hax". Next time I was playing, a guy spawned on me, said he was a hacker and was coming to kill me. Well, it turned out he was a 'good hacker', and spawned a crate with every item in the game. Unfortunately, the crate landed on me, and I died. So I then re spawned back at the crate, and I was able to get all the gear I wanted. But then, one of his mates spawned a bus on the crate, so I was wedged under it, and forced to spawn again. So, eventually I got all the stuff and a jeep. 30 minutes later I encountered a guy in a house, shot a full m9 magazine at him, headshotted him with a DMR, then he turned around and shot me.

So that is a typical day for me in DayZ.

[Rastamaus 323]

i met a brand spanking new player, it was literally his first ever game and he knew next to nothing about dayz other than what a friend had told him. He'd just spawned near elektro when I bumped into him and we got chatting.

I started off really liking him and was doing my best to help him out without spoiling his experience, you know, took him round looting and showed him how to lose zeds etc but the more time i spent with him the more i realised he was actually a bit of a twat, my initial desire to assist him soon turned to a desire to troll him. I asked him if he wanted a helicopter, he said yes, he would definitely like a helicopter, come with me I told him.

I took him to my camp up in the very top north east corner of the map, gave him a compass, food and drink for a long hike and a bicycle. told him to ride North west for 3 hours where he'll eventually spot a tall tower, you won't miss it I told him, it's 300 metres high and as the 'off map' terrain is so flat you can see it from 25 km away so even if you veer a bit off line you'll find it, behind that tower you will find a fully fuelled fully repaired helicopter, my gift to you.

I watched him through my binoculars for about half an hour as he headed off towards nowhere, unfortunately I had to jump servers to meet with some squad mates so that was that.

Well, i'd forgotten all about it until two days later when i noticed a skype message from him, he'd sent it about 5 hours after I'd left him - i'll cut and paste it here....

(my in-game name at the time was guetapens)

Hey Guetapens

Its me, ZombieKilla, we met in dayz earlier, the one you helped. I did exactly what you said but that tower was not there or the helicopter :( I rode about until it got too dark but i must have been completely off course or something. Anyway thanks for your help, how do i get back to the towns???