Diary of a Happy Camper

[LeeHarveyEnfield 311]

Day 1 - Kabanino

 

Found myself a right plum spot, you may know it. The green house at the top of Kabanino in the upstairs room. I have all I need for a few hours happy camping. A backpack full of opened tins and fresh water, a Mosin with 67 rounds, bandages, a firemans axe for dispatching zombies and of course the obligatory clown mask, it is this mask that the hapless survivors focus on when they walk through the door and see me, crouched in the corner with my fully loaded mosin pointed at their stupefied face, the clown mask tells them more than I ever could...this is the end of your game me old fruit.

 

I can see down the road past the farm and out across the fields to the south from the small window, from the large window I can see the green house on the outside of the village where those hoping to bypass Starry will arrive first, it is from this direction that my first victim approaches, no doubt feeling pretty secure as he notices all the doors on all the houses are closed. I watch as he switches from M4 to pickaxe. I slip into first person and raise my trusty mosin.

 

First the sound of Aggro as my own personal idiot alert system lets me know he is looting the cow sheds, I risk a sneaky peek in 3rd person and see him immerge from the closest barn, he is swiping away at 2 zombies and failing miserably to make contact, he is bleeding and I can't help but snigger at this ridiculous performance, it is clear he has absolutely no hand to eye coordination whatsoever. I can only hope he manages to sort this out, we can't have the worst zombies in gaming history stealing my booty now can we.

 

He disappears behind the wall and a few moments later I hear automatic gunfire, in a state of blind panic he has switched to his M4 and 12 - 14 shots later he appears at the roadside where he kneels to apply a bandage, no doubt feeling pretty pleased with himself for managing the situation so professionally. He switches back to the pick axe and crouch leans his way pathetically across the road towards my house so I turn my attention to the door.

 

Footsteps on the staircase, can there be a sweeter sound to the camper than the footsteps of an clueless imbecile with a full loadout as he walks up towards his own inevitable demise? I think not. I lean to the right, my angles all worked out hours ago and open my mic as the door swing outwards and there he is in all his inept glory, he jogs into the room and then freezes, no doubt trying to process the information in his stunted mind 'uh? dere's a clown wiv a gun wots pointin at my face? wot do I do now?' while his treacle thick brain tries to calculate the meaning of this latest development I have lined up the iron sights on his disbelieving mug. 'Thanks for the gear Fucko' I say as I squeeze the trigger swiftly putting an end to his pointless existence. 'but I woz friendly' said the corpse sounding pleasingly devastated.

 

I laughed the word 'halfwit' as I rifled through his gear. It was then that he left the server no doubt feeling as emasculated and deflated as I was feeling victorious and elated.

Edited June 14, 2014 by LeeHarveyEnfield

[amiasfree 262]

:beans: for being so delightfully evil.

 

Waiting hours and hours to kill a single derp player must be fun ^_^

[Shrub Rocketeer ™ 879]

:beans: for being so delightfully evil.

 

Waiting hours and hours to kill a single derp player must be fun ^_^

 

 

I agree I am very glad there is players like this in dayz who make me feel scare even in town with no door open, they could be wait in every corner to kill me and is why when I play dayz I am in state of stress and paranoid.

 

is nice to see story from guys who making the game greatest in the world

Edited June 14, 2014 by Shrub Rocketeer ™

[IReadTheAgreement 313]

God dammit.  LeeHarveyEnfield bought the stand alone.  I've been wondering if I'd ever see one of your murder stories outside of the mod.

[tobias winfro 305]

I can't give beans due to the use of a clown mask.....I hate clowns but seriously why not try looking for people willing to PvP?? Poor guys was friendly, yeah right.....everyone is friendly on the other end of your gun. Cool story though

[blacklabel79 949]

beans good sire...

[JIJOK 49]

too long for a camper diary since all you do is stay quiet . Here's mine : I am on a cherno roof building waiting some1 go loot firestation, he/she rise last floor, bang, head shot ( while drinking coffee )

[Munson_fry (DayZ) 312]

Day 1 - Kabanino

 

Found myself a right plum spot, you may know it. The green house at the top of Kabanino in the upstairs room. I have all I need for a few hours happy camping. A backpack full of opened tins and fresh water, a Mosin with 67 rounds, bandages, a firemans axe for dispatching zombies and of course the obligatory clown mask, it is this mask that the hapless survivors focus on when they walk through the door and see me, crouched in the corner with my fully loaded mosin pointed at their stupefied face, the clown mask tells them more than I ever could...this is the end of your game me old fruit.

 

I can see down the road past the farm and out across the fields to the south from the small window, from the large window I can see the green house on the outside of the village where those hoping to bypass Starry will arrive first, it is from this direction that my first victim approaches, no doubt feeling pretty secure as he notices all the doors on all the houses are closed. I watch as he switches from M4 to pickaxe. I slip into first person and raise my trusty mosin.

 

First the sound of Aggro as my own personal idiot alert system lets me know he is looting the cow sheds, I risk a sneaky peek in 3rd person 

at that point i stopped reading.

 

shooting a fresh logged off bambi has more honor than that 3rd person shit.

[LeeHarveyEnfield 311]

I can't give beans due to the use of a clown mask.....I hate clowns but seriously why not try looking for people willing to PvP?? Poor guys was friendly, yeah right.....everyone is friendly on the other end of your gun. Cool story though

 

 

you see I love the clown mask because people like you hate it, I know how everyone feels when they see one and that is all part of the overall experience I'm trying to bring to imbeciles  players all over chernarus.

Edited June 17, 2014 by orlok
Keep it nice please.

[Reg Park 160]

I love players like you and I love even more killing players like you, as you were.....and see you soon.

[Hetstaine 10852]

I hope you realise the rug in that house has man love all over it. It's the meeting point  for the backdoor bretheren on Friday and Saturday nights.

[jukaga 271]

I'm just too impatient to camp. Hours of nothing for a kill or two? The times I've tried it I get bored or paranoid from the sound glitches so I move on after a bit.

[Cap'n (DayZ) 1827]

This is troll bait to the extreme...but I can't help it. I really, really want to dig an axe into your skull. These posts make you seem like the biggest uber douche in the history of DayZ.

 

What really worries me, is that you people enjoy his stories. Shame on you.

[frosti 2165]

 

he jogs into the room and then freezes, no doubt trying to process the information in his stunted mind 'uh? dere's a clown wiv a gun wots pointin at my face? wot do I do now?' while his treacle thick brain tries to calculate the meaning of this latest development I have lined up the iron sights on his disbelieving mug.

 

This reminded me when I've noticed player chased by 4 zombies in Pustoshka. I've ran after him into the house to see that he switched his m4a1 for axe to conserve ammo while killing zombies (or to be silent ninja whatever). After he finished with zombies I aimed my SKS at him from other side of the room and he started to switch back to his m4a1.

Lesson learned to use your best gun always.

 

>mfw

[leftcrusade 33]

What has happened?

Haven't been on the forums for months, it used to be that on every post of Lee there was a few pages of pure hate. A pity. I used to enjoy the comments though.

[pilgrim* 3513]

..//..

can there be a sweeter sound to the camper than the footsteps of an clueless imbecile

..//..

 

Epic, LeeHarveyEnfield

 

this quote should be carved in stone somewhere

 

power and beanz to the LHE himself !

 

xx

[Jex 1104]

It certainly makes you think about being careful but the OP fails to grasp that nobody is going to check every single room before entering. The fact that there's someone who's sat there for ages just waiting to get the easiest kill in dayz isn't any sort of acheivement. Loved the narration but it's nothing more than sitting still in a room until an easy kill walks through the door - so who's the imbecile here?

[Andy Red 25]

Nice story telling... But I just feel disrespect for you sitting in the corner of a house for hours on end just to get an easy kill or two.

You sir are what ruins this game with instant KOS by hiding away from the real 'survival' and danger which the actual game offers and instead your just preying on the innocent.

It's not fun, it's not clever, it's not hard, it's not realistic, it's not survival, it's not hard to do and your just ruining this for everyone else.

You don't deserve anymore of my time on this post ... Goodbye.

[pilgrim* 3513]

well next time you go in a house

remember there might be some evil mean smart patient cunning bastard

sitting in front of his PC with a pile of sandwiches and a beer

and he's been there in the game 2 hours, not moving.. just waiting with his old rusty ironsight rifle across his lap

.. for you, dude

wow - you going to meet a bad person

 

hehe, love this game

 

xx pilgrim