What if Zombies had a voice?

[jubeidok 495]

If they could, what do you think Zombies would be on the forums bitching, moaning, venting about?

"I hustle my ass off to catch up to one of those slow, brainy fleshbags only to have to stop dead in my tracks and flail away at them with my arms. Of course they don't have to stop, they get to keep running, so you can never fucking catch them. It's so fucking stupid. I want my meat...FLESH...mmmm, braaaaiiiinnnnnss!!! Fix this shit or I quit!" - Zombie #362

"Why the fuck do I always have to be spawned up in Olsha? No one ever comes up to Olsha! I wander around here all freakin' day, all freakin' night, and NOTHING! Please stop spawning me in Olsha, the fleshless, brainless ass end of Chernarus. TY." - Zombie #2391

[Candylol 82]

well that would be really weird

[Composite Armour 21]

"Oh fuck that hurts!"

[Devon206 (DayZ) 77]

They would probably explaining why they are eating you.

[Rage VG 4033]

"There is too much PvE in this game! Make it more PvP focused! Think of us!"

[BAHADIR 124]

"Ban mk 48 mod please..."

[AppleJack100 58]

Running away from a zombie

'Hey you stop im not going to hurt you i LOVE you'

[PaxC4T 159]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGo1-EVrsx8

[disgruntled 38]

Come back!!! Don't you want the empty tin can in my pockets?

[Hetstaine 10852]

So i spawned in Kamenka...again.

[Sutinen 635]

"Players are OP"

[Aporis 422]

"Oh fuck that hurts!"

Shieet i was about to say the same :D

[jubeidok 495]

Got a couple more email responses from concerned zeds...

"It's really great that we can now over power and tackle these walking meat bags, but why the fuck can't I just jump on him after and hold him down so we can start eating him? But nooo, that would make too much sense. Instead I have to stand there like an effin retard, waiting for him to get back up so I can start hitting him again. Its' so lame." - Zombie #43

"So me and 2 of my buddies, Zombie #821 and #822 are wandering around Kemenka and what do we see? This complete loser with the absolute stench of life just sitting there in the middle of the street, stinking up the place. So we head over and just start wailing on this guy, and I mean we are just going to work on him. I swear, this tool was doing absolutely nothing and it took the 3 of us like 3 full minutes just finally kill this guy. I mean....WTF!?!?!?" - Zombie #820

[AshleyP 121]

If they could, what do you think Zombies would be on the forums bitching, moaning, venting about?

To be honest they've always reminded me of The Monster from Young Frankenstein. "Where fashion sits - PUUAAAIIONNAAREEETZ!"

"For as long as I can remember people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body and they ran away in horror. In my loneliness I decided that if I could not inspire love, which is my deepest hope, I would instead cause fear. I live because this poor half-crazed genius, has given me life. He alone held an image of me as something beautiful and then, when it would have been easy enough to stay out of danger, he used his own body as a guinea pig to give me a calmer brain and a somewhat more sophisticated way of expressing myself."

In the film the monster had an enormous schwanzschtücker, although I suspect the zombies in DayZ are... I imagine that parts of them have dropped off. That's probably why they're so angry. That, and the fact there are no lady zombies.

[Maca (DayZ) 769]

I'm so sick and tired of god damn zig zagging to get my launch, when it's just straight in front of me, AaggaGGhGhghGhGhghhhh.

[WBK 176]

"What short attention span? Why do you say I have.... OMG IT'S A FREAKING SMOKE GRENADE HAHAHAHAHA YAAAAAY"

[DemonGroover 8836]

"The infection rate is too fucking high - you expect me to eat Infected meat??"

"And why the fuck cant i run indoors!!"

[WBK 176]

Zombie #21

I like the addition of virals, but why did you audition new guys for the role? I've been here working my arse off since 1.62 and no reward! It makes me so angry. I just want to bandit other zombies now...

Zombie #10024

Rocket said there were chicks on this island man, fuck this I'm going back to Walking Dead

Zombie #755

Cherno gameplay is too easy. I mean, I like that it's PvP, and we just pick up the remains. But it was better when I was stationed in Msta and you'd really have to work for it.

PATIENT ZERO

Guys, didn't you see the Frankie video? I'm cured, we can stop this now. Guys?

[jubeidok 495]

Ok guys, got a special one for you today. I just got contacted by the one, the only....

"Look, men. When this shit started, I was passing it along like it was candy. I mean, I pretty much just look at you and you're one of my crew. It was that easy. There were thousands of them, and just one of me. You had your precious little guns and those magnificent steel beasts, but it didn't matter. Now there are thousands of us and how many of them, like 50? All that done and said, I'm getting so fucking frustrated now. I can't pass it along any more. I feel so izombulated. I'm trying everything. I'm knocking them down. I've tried spitting my blood all over them, smashing them in the face. I've tried pissing on them, shitting on them. I've even tried...well...you know. There's a couple of things sleeping in tents could get you, if you know what I mean. =Z It seemed like I got it back for a bit, but now its gone again. Lost my zojo. That's it! My race is fucked. I Quit!!!" - Zombie #1

"OMZ, I just want to die already!!! No one will kill me. Can you believe that one of those meaty fleshbags had the nerve to run up to me, put his hand in my face and say, talk to the hand? I was in fucking awe. One day, I chased one around a building for hours. All the while hoping it would turn around and put that axe through my skull. But no, we just went round and round, until it finally just disappeared. I tried going around the other way to see if it had just reversed, but nothing. Maybe it just went inside. Hmm, didn't even...of it." - Zombie #7

[broguenz 333]

Saw a good friend go running down a hill after some shmuck yestdee, flapping his arms like hes was a bird n all. Bastard flew for like fifty meters before landing in a crumpled heap at da bottom of that hill.

Shee it..

one less idjit I spaws

Shhh.. here come one of dem humans, act all retarded like and look hungry

[zfleming12 395]

Oh the things they could say

"Brains....Brainssss, Bryannnnnnnns!"

"Hey, HEY, HEY COME HERE COME BACK ERE! I NEED TO EAT!"

"OH COME ON DON'T RUN THROUGH THE BUILDI- Arghhh Now I have to walk!"

"Stop screaming already, I'm just eating you!"

"Oh so you think because I am a zombie, I can't run. You are a racist!"

"Noise! I hear NOISE! Follow the NOISE!"

"Oh look a meal on wheels!"

"Hah, made you sick!"

"Just because you are in a tree doesn't mean I can't get you. .... Okay so I can't reach you but when you leave that tree I'll get you. Oh come on don't run to the other pine tree!"

"LIGHT, PRETTY LIGHTS!"

"QUIT TALKING IN SIDE CHAT!"

"Friendly, Bandit, Hero, bambi, I'm the dead person who will eat you."

"Meet my friend John. He likes to think he is a zombie monkey running about on all fours."

"Oh so you finally learned how to deal with us? Well now we know how to jump and tackle!"

"Hey what's that thing you're pointing at me? Is it a gun? What does it- *blam*

"Hey is it just me or are there only us guy zombies stumbling about?"

"Sniper in Cherno!"

"Alright just going to hide behind this truck and when they walk around the corner, then I'l- .............. My that's a big gun you have there."

"Man, I could really use a can of beans....I mean why can't they just throw us a can of beans instead of these dam empty whisky bottles and tin cans!?"

"Why is everyone running?! Alright, let's just run, though I have no clue why or what we are doing this for!"

"Mwahahah, I can get you through a wall!" *bug is patched* "OH COME ON ROCKET!"

"Oh for god's sake, Don't go on the Dock! Oh bloody, now we have to swim AROUND!"

"Seriously, Joe, that noise you are making, it's so childish!"

"What is that bright shining thing coming towards me, it looks like a truck, why is there a truck coming towards-

"Hey guys! Are we in line to see what that loud noise is in that building over there?"

"WHO SPAWNED ME UNDER A WATCH TOWER?!"

"Man, I am stuffed, I don't think I could eat another- FRESH MEAT! I'M STARVING!"

"Alright, we found a truck, now if only we learn how to drive again..."

"There's no escape now! *Player gets teleported away by a hacker* "CURSE YOU HACKERS! YOU TOOK MY MEAL!"

Edited June 21, 2013 by zfleming12