If you want free beans come here!!!!!!!!

[bryantjudoman 3]

Ok so me and my friends spent an hour gathering suplies and fixing up a helicopter. Then after it was all fixed...and fueled we had to decide who to fly it. There were severall of us who could competently do the job however we were all wanting to do so. So we got in a heated discussion with about 8 of us jumping around yelling as to who was the most qualified. It was about then that we noticed our ride flying away. We never did find out who took it.

[Feral (DayZ) 622]

Ok so me and my friends spent an hour gathering suplies and fixing up a helicopter. Then after it was all fixed...and fueled we had to decide who to fly it. There were severall of us who could competently do the job however we were all wanting to do so. So we got in a heated discussion with about 8 of us jumping around yelling as to who was the most qualified. It was about then that we noticed our ride flying away. We never did find out who took it.

hopefully the guys that i met ^^

[Sterling (DayZ) 22]

I can haz free beans? How much do they cost?

[ZackInGame 22]

There are no such things as free beans.

Not until your prove me wrong.

Edit; Well.. Damn.

Laaaaaawl.

[Nitro DayZ 79]

Happily driving along the highway at 82mph on my quad bike with a friend on the back...then we got onto a bridge and I forgot it makes quad bikes fly 50 metres into the air...no more quad bike for me :(

[mjkproductions 12]

I've told the story already, but oh f*ck it. I was a bandit in east Panthera one day, bleeding profusely, no bandage. See car coming down road, I jumped out into the road, aimed my .45 at his head, and held him up for a bandage. Mission successful.

[Inception. 9443]

Oh, the resurrection.

[The Stoned Wolf 491]

One time I was walking.

Then I got kinda drunk.

Then I woke up in Bangkok.

With a monkey.

BUT

IT WAS A ZOMBEH MONKEY!!!!!!! z0mG!!!!

So the zombie monkeh ate my jugular and I died.

Where's my beans?

[Pixelwarrior 6]

beans pleaseee

Edited January 5, 2013 by Pixelwarrior

[Pixelwarrior 6]

Doesn't matter, dickbutt.

DA FAUCK ? O.O

Edited January 5, 2013 by Boneboys

[PracticalTactical 164]

The Clumsy Bandito

By DayZ forum member PracticalTactical

Once upon a time there was a group of six banditos. They were a fearsome bunch that ruled over the sky with their helicopter and epic gear like a dragon. It was the perfect evening and they had been having great success in tracking down survivors and mowing them down with 7.62x51mm bullets at 800 rounds per minute from the helicopters m240 machine guns. Nothing could stop them and when someone dared try they met a swift end at the hands of the banditos. Then one night, it all changed...

It was pitch black at night. The banditos were all geared up and playing heli assault on towns and airfields. During their patrol allong the coastline, they came across some loot and a broken van parked on the road. A mighty and noble bandito by the name of Stings2pee who was feared by all bandits and survivors alike suggested we land and secure the area to search this pile of loot. We did as he suggested as he was by far the most elite and experienced bandito of the group. As the heli landed about 55 meters away from the loot and broken van, all six banditos got out and secured the area tactically, quickly dispatching another bandit that was observing from the treeline. Once the area was secure, the six banditos moved up to the loot pile and started to scrounge it for something of use. One of the bandits chimed up "Hey fellas, check out what I found". As the other bandits moved closer to observe the find, they were in awe of what they had found; The magical and very rare piece of kit called satchel charges. After being in awe that such awesome loots were found by the super, amazing, extreme and elite banditos, they proceeded to test some of these charges on a few large trees allong the side of the highway. They were quite effective and after watching two or three of the charges go off and seeing the amazing damage they caused, the banditos all knew that they had found the holy grail of destructive power and started to imagine all the fantastic traps and ambushes they were going to pull off with all of their elite gear and these new amazing explosives. It was a grand find indeed.

The banditos had a successful journey. The six little banditos had lorded over an entire server like they were in charge and smited anyone who stood to challenge their power. They had thought they were invincible, that their superior tactics, vehicles and weaponry would prevail against any foe and had spent many, many days working towards acquiring the gear that they so dearly valued. They had been through hell and back again to become the top dogs, and they basked in the glory of being so fantastic. Then, in one split second it all changed.

After the loot was observed, tested, fondled and loved the six banditos decided it was time to load up and continue with the patrol of the coastline. It was at this time that a very clumsy little bandito named Guanjyn took it upon himself to dutifully load the chopper with all of these fantastic new toys they had found. He had never seen nor tried to use a satchel charge before and did not know exactly how they worked and how to properly use them, but he was going to try to put them into the heli anyways. He went up to the helichopper and tried to open the gear menu but instead scrolled down to "place satchel". After wondering what had happened, he brushed it off as just one of the many funny little glitches that are in DayZ and proceeded to load the heli with all the goodness. When he walked back to get more, he said over mumble to the other elite and very well equiped banditos "Hey guys, I am getting this glitch that says touch off 1 bombs on my scroll menu". Everyone else was too busy observing and chatting about the elite loot that we had found like uber pro bandits and ignored what was said.

Guanjyn the wonderfull, clumsy bandito decided to keep loading the various guns, munitions, clothing and explosives into the helichopper. After dropping off his second load, he went back for a third. By this time the other five banditos had crawled inside the helichopper and had started the engine, ready to make a quick get away incase they were spotted. Guanjyn the clumsy bandito was last like he always was and instead of simply getting into the chopper he figured he had to get the last bit of loot. So he went back to the pile and proceeded to scroll down to gear. In all his wisdom he scrolled down past gear to the option "Touch off 1 bomb" ). Being Guanjyn he thought he had not even used any of the bombs and thought that it was, once agian just a little glitch so he pressed it.

*BOOOM!!*

The helicopter exploded in a fireball and flung the five other banditos as far as 100 meters away! The once unchallenged and feared banditos were defeated not by bullets, zombies, other bandits or survivors, but by the clumsy nature of Guanjyn and the ignorance of their own ways. If only Guanjyn had been more aware and if only the other banditos had listened to what Guanjyn was saying instead of gloating and bragging about what feared and well equiped banditos they were they would still be alive, terrorizing the server and destroying all who would dare oppose them and not laying there around a burning hulk with broken bones, bleeding out and gasping for their last breaths.

The moral of the story is; Do not let your head get too high in the clouds, be carefull with satchel charges and always, always listen to what other members of your group are saying, for it could be gravely important that you do hear it.

Edited January 5, 2013 by PracticalTactical

[boneboys 7988]

DA FAUCK ? O.O

Do not quote needlessly.

Angryofficer has been suspended for the post

[Inception. 9443]

I know he wasn't targeting me, but okay.

[MOS182 63]

Yesterday I was kidnapped by guys in really nice gear, all had snipers, think 1 had a ghillie suit. They told me to get in the chopper after I told them I was friendly and told me if I didn't they were going to shoot me. Unfortunately for me, all I had to my defence was my hatchet which I accidently dropped instead of putting it away.

Once we were airborne, they started moving the chopper towards the sea. One of the guys I was in a group with told me that we were flying basically right over him, so I jumped out, my character open his parachute and I was on my way to safety... at least that's what I thought. The helicopter landed nearby while I was still in the air, I heard a couple of gunshots and then next thing I know I was greeted with 'You are dead' screen.

Straight after this happened, the bandits discovered my friend nearby in the trees and also capture him. I could still hear what he was saying as I was the same Ventrillo room as him. "What you guys doing? ...Is this a hold up?" they did the exact same thing to him, telling him to get in the chopper. "I've never been in one of these before..", he apparently jumped into the gunner seat and unloaded at one of the bandits. He wasn't sure if he killed him but a '(player) was killed' came up on my screen, so it could have been him.

After this they did the exact same thing, started moving towards the sea and we thought they were going to drop him off in the sea, so he jumped out. The helicopter tried to turn too quickly, did a backflip and crashed into the sea. My friend thought he got away, until they appeared close by shortly after, aimed at him with their snipers, shot at him and killed him.

Pretty sure these guys were the admins/ hackers but it was still pretty funny. Not so funny for my friend who was later teleported to some warehouse where they were, before they killed him once more.

Edited January 5, 2013 by MOS182