The Story of The No Pants Man

[Yaddie 44]

This is a near exact account of an incredible player interaction my friend and I had a few days ago. It was so spectacular I wrote it down shortly after it happened, and I figured I should share it.

 

So, me and my friend were looting about Berenzino, looking for a backpack. I was carrying an SKS, him a shotgun. We had been taking our time, checking our backs, sweeping treelines, when The No Pants Man appeared.

 

It scared the crap out of both of us. How we didn't catch him before he showed up is beyond me, we were being very thourough with out double checks. He just sneaked up on us while we were looting the office building within the lumbermill area of Berenzino, yelling out friendly.

 

Fortunately for him, he was unarmed, and we let him live. He was the basic fresh spawn; no weapons, no food, no water, and most importantly, no pants. He explained to us that he had taken his pants off somewhere down the road, and forgotten where they were. He was very sad about this, and somehow he touched the cold DayZ hearts of both my friend and I. I looked at him and said, "Buddy, we're going to get you some pants if it kills us."

 

So out of sympathy for The No Pants Man, we searched upper Berenzino for a good pair of pants. Houses upon houses, hospitals, police stations, log cabins..... nothing. We were begining to get discouraged when we met Axe Man.

 

He came up to us yelling friendly as well, and seeing he only had an axe and a raincoat, we let the guy live as long as he helped us find pants. He agreed, so we continued our search.

 

All had seemed lost after a good hour of searching. The No Pants Man was getting terribly sad, Axe Man was getting tired, and my friend and I were desperate to clothe our friend. I was about the tell him we should go our seperate ways when BAM.....

 

Gunshots.

 

"It's a team of three, I can see them!" yelled The No Pants Man. We were all hiding behind a wall, hoping they wouldn't see us.

 

"Are they geared?" I asked.
"Uhhhh.... yeah. Full military get up and everything."

 

We sat in silence, knowing full well what that could mean. Fully geared players with military loot would tear through our ragtag crew like sharks in a feeding frenzy. I started checking my gear, moving important things to my pants incase I was shot. My shotgun friend nervously unloaded and reloaded his shotgun, while Axe Man raised and lowered his axe in fear. We were outmatched and out numbered.

 

"You know what?" said The No Pants Man as he turned toward our cowering figures.

"I've spent all day looking for some damn pants. Houses, dead bodies, hospitals. Heck, I even had 3 other people helping me. Somehow, we still haven't found any pants."

 

He paused, seeing if we had anything to say.

 

Axe Man chimed in from the back.

 

"I see three pairs of pants right now, if you know what I mean."

.........

 

"Exactly"

 

We split up into two teams. The No Pants Man and Axe Man were our melee fighters, while me and my shotgun friend would take them out from a distance. We tracked the players down to a specific apartment building, and posted up, ready to fight.

 

"Alright boys, go get some pants!" I yelled to our melee squad, who charged the apartments.

"They may take our pants, but they will never take.... OUR FREEDOM!" yelled The No Pants Man as he and Axe Man dissapeared into the apartment complex.

 

Sure enough, as we planned, one of the players poked his head out a window to see what in the world was happening. With the crack of my rifle, his brain-scrambled body dropped to the floor.

 

The next few seconds were terrifying. My shotgun friend beelined for the apartments as I covered from a distance. Heavy gunfire and screaming came from inside the building, and I feared the worst from our friends.

 

Mr. Shotgun quickly pied the doorway with his shotgun, and I gave him the clear to enter. As he entered, I sprinted across the street to the doorway of the apartments, hoping to get into some of the action.

 

BLAM BLAM!

 

My friend yelled something, and dropped dead right in front of me. I looked further, and saw another player with a shotgun laying on the stairs. They had shot eachother to death, both with shotguns....

 

That left me with the last player.

 

From around a corner, an AKM poked out and roared to life. My chest took a shot, and I immediately ducked out of the building. This was bad, I was fuzzy and discolored, and my bandages had been ruined by the gunshot. It was now or never.

 

"Let's get on with it, you rotten ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!" I yelled as I turned the corner and leveled my SKS.

 

Timed slowed down to a crawl, and we both took aim. He pelted me with AKM rounds, and I hipfired my SKS into his chest. Both of us were screaming in sidechat, and soon everything went dark for me.

 

Miraculously, I awoke minutes later. Standing over me was The No Pants Man, except this time he was wearing some summer hunting pants.

 

If DayZ avatars could smile, we would of had the biggest smiles of our lives.

 

"Pants." was all The No Pants Man could muster.

 

"We did it kid.... we got you your pants." I said weakly, lights fading from bloodloss.

 

Axe Man approached from behind him.

 

"We were pinned down the whole time by the shotgun guy, but once he went down, we figured we should come help you. We heard your last stand, and got down here just in time to kill the last player as he woke up."

 

The No Pants Man began to take his shirt of to make rags for me.

 

"No," I said, "I can die here, this is how I wanted it to be. We fought and died for you, No Pants Man, you cherish those pants for the rest of your days."

 

With a choke in his voice, No Pants Man replied, "I will."

 

Both him and Axe Man lifted their hands into the famous friendly wave, and I passed from the world in peace....

 

DayZ my friends, DayZ...

[Avant-Garde 229]

This is beautifull, a tear droped from my eyes man. You are a true hero of chernarus, no-pants-man was lucky to meet with you guys!

[Calvin Candie 189]

In memory of The SKS Man.

P.S. now Berezino writes incredible tales of heroes and bandits, as Elektro once did...

[hothtimeblues 128]

This is the best dayz story. Fuck yeah.

[JPWiser 251]

*sniffle

 

well played sir, well played...

 

/slowclap for sks guy

[Red_Ensign 990]

I laughed, I cried, I put on some pants.

[Yaddie 44]

My whole life has been a build up to that point.... It was beautiful...

[Calvin Candie 189]

I laughed, I cried, I put on some pants.

Beans hahaha

[Jex 1104]

LMAO fucking awesome!!!!!

 

"SKS Yaddie" and the "Shotgun Kid"?

 

There has to be a "Return of...."!

[Yaddie 44]

LMAO fucking awesome!!!!!

 

"SKS Yaddie" and the "Shotgun Kid"?

 

There has to be a "Return of...."!

Haha, there very well could be. We've been playing a lot recently, so who knows?

[CodyWilson26 0]

I know this is silly but I actually cried...

[fluxley 2228]

Must admit i just shed a tear, its extra meaningful as i'm not wearing any pants right now.

[chepaco3290 59]

Next time get that on recording!

[Loli (DayZ) 0]

I registered just to reply to this. This story made by day, and now I can't wait to get off work and go play some DayZ.

[Yaddie 44]

The storytelling possibilities that come from this game are amazing. There's no other multiplayer experience out their that does things like DayZ does.

[Golden Child 73]

This is art.

[chepaco3290 59]

I'm surprised no one has called this fake yet. 

[Merrick362 (DayZ) 263]

-GASP!-

 

Fluxley, maybe our Message is still spreading?

 

Edited August 9, 2014 by Merrick362

[skypig 139]

the best so far!! seriously! lol

could be made into a movie

[Yaddie 44]

-GASP!-

 

Fluxley, maybe our Message is still spreading?

 

This makes me unnecessarily happy...

[RagedDrew 209]

An hour of searching, blood and guts spilled and yet no pants, I'd have shot him, he would have had new pants in 30 seconds (or less :P )

 

"InB4 the flamming"

 

I'm only joking, I'd have gave him my own shit stained pants and went on my own way.

Edited August 9, 2014 by RagedDrew