Position vacant (apply within)

[Montague Fitzwilliam III 14]

The successful applicant shall be expected to be able to follow simple instructions to the letter and be able to obey without question all commands.

 

He (or, in the interests of the current fashion for sexual equality, she) shall be of sound body and mind, shall adhere to the simple adage 'respect your betters' and when called upon might be required to take the occasional bullet.

 

You should be familiar with all medical procedures, have a sound knowledge of the Chernarus landscape and indeed be able to locate quickly any and all required provisions and resources relating to my survival. health and overall wellbeing.

 

Although I am a strict task master who expects service of the highest standards and shall have no hesitation in resorting to the strongest of disciplinary measures should the occasion call for them, I am fair. The successful applicant shall be provided with a generous allowance allowing him/her to be amply clothed, watered and fed and a small annex shall be provided for his/her shelter close to the main house.

 

On no account am I to be disturbed on Tuesday Evenings.

 

All communications regarding this matter should be forwarded to my personal postal address and my response shall be forthcoming pending my perusal of said applications.

 

Good day.

 

 

[Korsbaek 1778]

Or, you could write something like this:

 

Hey, I'm looking for someone to play DayZ SA with.

You have to be familiar with the controls of the game.

 

I like thinking I'm better than you.

[Montague Fitzwilliam III 14]

Or, you could write something like this:

 

Hey, I'm looking for someone to play DayZ SA with.

You have to be familiar with the controls of the game.

 

I like thinking I'm better than you.

I think not.

[MrNomadic76 39]

Did Fitzwilliam I and Fitzwilliam II both die in suspicious circumstances perchance old boy?

[Montague Fitzwilliam III 14]

Did Fitzwilliam I and Fitzwilliam II both die in suspicious circumstances perchance old boy?

The first died at Rourkes drift don't you know, he was rushed by some Zulus while engaged in the act of shaving in the preparation for battle. Damned unsporting of them if you ask me.

The 2nd died of natural causes at the ripe old age of 87, although he almost bought it during a duel with the 14th Earl of Wessex, a small disagreement over the ownership of the town of Tonbridge Wells, he caught some ball shot in the arm but maintained composure and calmly despatched the earl with a rather well placed head shot.

[Korsbaek 1778]

I think not.

 

Why not? I wrote what you wrote in fewer words.

 

In Denmark we have something called "janteloven". It basically says that you can't believe you're better than others.

You should follow that one rule too.

[Crit 46]

I will write my comment in a language you may understand.

 

Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!

 

Good day sir!

Edited December 25, 2013 by Crit

[Horatio 22]

Why not? I wrote what you wrote in fewer words.

 

In Denmark we have something called "janteloven". It basically says that you can't believe you're better than others.

You should follow that one rule too.

 

Amen to that, "Janteloven" has clearly been broken in this instance :P And just to make sure æøå.

[Infamous201x 9]

Sounds like OP wants a meat shield and someone to boss around lol.

[Montague Fitzwilliam III 14]

If there is one thing I like less than working class ragamuffins running amok causing all manner of inconvenience and hullabaloo at precisely the time I am attempting to enjoy a peaceful relaxing luncheon, it's sloppy staff.

Today I lost my valet, b4astard, who, no sooner than I'd barked instructions for him to go outside and put a stop to the damned shooting and squabbling which was taking place in the streets below my penthouse suite balcony, was on his merry way, loaded mosin at the ready and ammunition aplenty.

As I polished off my packet of rice washed down with a litre of the finest purified water drawn fresh from the pond that morning I listened as b4stard dealt with the nuisances below, I counted 23 shots before the racket subsided.

Several minutes elapsed before the bloody dishevelled form of b4stard appeared at the doorway.

'Begging you pardon my lord' he grunted 'any chance you could sort me out a bandage and give me some blood?I took a couple of rounds before I done em'

'For pity's sake man don't trail your rancid proletarian blood across the rug, go and wait on the stairs I shall be with you just as soon as I have finished my tuna' I replied, rather impatiently perhaps. but one does expect better from those whom have been gifted the honour of serving one.

26 minutes had passed when I found his lifeless corpse atop the stairs, I calmly stepped over it being extremely careful not to soil my new nikes and descended to the ground floor where I exited the building into the sun soaked day and embarked upon my morning stroll.

 

Suffice it to say the position has again become available, contact should be made as described in my original post.

 

Good day.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Montague Fitzwilliam III

[R.J. 70]

Well done Sire.

[tacticalbanana 38]

"26 minutes had passed when I found his lifeless corpse atop the stairs, I calmly stepped over it being extremely careful not to soil my new nikes"

 

 

My sides

Edited December 31, 2013 by TacticalBanana

[wild_man 4442]

very funny I laughing too much :D

 

maybe I make application for job :thumbsup:  ;)

[Ynneead 20]

is this post for real?

[Korsbaek 1778]

is this post for real?

 

I hope not :D

 

OP's definitely got some humor :D 

[HIHBGaming 14]

Bravo sir! You may have my beans.  :beans: