Post your imaginary patch notes that you'd love to see

[-Apoc-FOX 0]

.....

[NEW] The game now uses all cores on your PC Perfectly.

[NEW] The game now uses all your ram Perfectly.

These 2 by far

[Emily 0]

[new] can fill empty cans/bottle with water, but you have to carry them in your hand

[new] whiskey bottles can be filled and put in back pack

[new] spawn with bandages, pain killers, flashlight, and beans and a soda

[new] can use a pistol and a flashlight at the same time (lovin' the headlamp idea)

[ijswezel 2]

[NEW] Fart or barf on your friends to find out if they are real and not ghosts

[steveman0 0]

[NEW] Alternate optional server mode: Hardcore co-operative - Zed spawn rate increased 2x-4x, increased food, water, temperature decay rates, FF off, intended for moderate sized group play (~5).

[clever 12]

Holy shit most of these ideas are terrible.

[Refried 14]

...

[NEW] Every player model shows logo or name if no logo. as an arm patch.

...

that list is full of 'players kill me boohoo' suggestions but this one is actually a pretty strong idea

arbitrary HEY THIS GUY IS A BANDIT mechanics are bad, but simply making an individual more recognizable (regardless of humanity) via arm band sounds like a good compromise

[duddbudda 33]

apart from

'[NEW]Killing others for killings sake has consequences'

BL1P has not made any suggestions guilty of your accusation

ps

hey BL1P, I'm Carbonated Dan from UK 7

[Stealth (DayZ) 3]

Only bad ideas are the ones we don't try

[Refried 14]

BL1P has not made any suggestions guilty of your accusation

"[NEW] Game recognises your age and if your under 18 It bans you.

[NEW] Server hopping for loot causes your character to die.

[NEW] Server hopping to flank a player causes your character to die.

[NEW] Alt + F4 to stop being killed causes your character to die.

[NEW] Bleeding offline kills you.

[NEW] No Kill counters.

[NEW] Killing others for killings sake has consequences."

sorry, i speak only in truth

[DemonGroover 8836]

[NEW] Able to create Molotov cocktails

[NEW] Firing a noisy gun in the Woods has a % chance to spawn Zeds nearby

[NEW] Male/Female, old/young zombie skins

[NEW] Start with Nothing apart from a watch

[FIXED] Bitching about how hard the game is

[spidey 7]

[NEW] Choppers are back.

[XAbeX 0]

[NEW] Crossbow has now a ironside.

[NEW] 1 Inventory slot now can contain 4 Crossbow darts but you can only have 4 of it in your inventory.

[NEW] Crossbow reload now 15% faster

[FIXED] Crossbow darts now can pik up over the Gear option.

[FIXED] Flashlight now use a Tool slot

[NEW] Bulletproof Vest now spawn at Military Buildings with 0,12% chance Now you can take 1 more hit.

[NEW] Z spawn with 0,1% chance Zombie bowels that can hide the Player from Z sence for 5 min. But rain will end the effect immediately.

Sry for my English...

[Skint (DayZ) 138]

[NEW] Giant inflatable bananas

[NEW] Bandits wear glow in the dark pink tutus

[NEW] Cow abducting alien spacecraft

[NEW] Big black plastic comedy guns that unroll a flag that says "BANG" when fired making infected and players roll around in fits of laughter enabling you to make a hasty getaway/loot/kill/whatever

[NEW] A great big can of worms (oh, sorry, that's already been done)

[ALICE666 0]

Just a few of mine.

[NEW] Can now climb various objects like trees and into open windows.

[NEW] More types of consumables like food and drink available. Alcohol, energy drinks.. these give various effects.

[NEW] Can use wood to barracade doors and windows to protect yourself for a short time.

[NEW] Dozens of new clothing kits to be found. Sheriff/Police, Priest, Nun, Business man, housewife, terrorist are some examples.

[NEW] Personal radios introduced. Can now use to talk to others at longer distances. Be careful what you say as others can potentially listen in.

[NEW] Random spawning Bandit & Military camps with armed guards with better quality of loot. These will shoot on site so you have been warned.

[NEW] Random spawning small patrols of above factions with vehicles, aiming to kill survivors and zombies.

[bptrav 0]

[NEW] Broken bones are repaired with splints/casts instead of morphine, but you can't run or sprint as fast for awhile.

[NEW] Camo/Ghillie makes you less visible to zombies too, not just players

My friend suggested another cool idea I think:

[NEW] Bandages stop bleeding, but the zombies can "smell" the blood making it easier to detect you until you wash it off with water (giving another use to water bottles)