Jump to content
DayZ Forums

Forums Announcement

Read-Only Mode for Announcements & Changelogs

Dear Survivors, we'd like to inform you that this forum will transition to read-only mode. From now on, it will serve exclusively as a platform for official announcements and changelogs.

For all community discussions, debates, and engagement, we encourage you to join us on our social media platforms: Discord, Twitter/X, Facebook.

Thank you for being a valued part of our community. We look forward to connecting with you on our other channels!

Stay safe out there,
Your DayZ Team

DanielTy88

Your Best DayZ Jokes?

By DanielTy88, in DayZ Mod General Discussion

Recommended Posts

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

The same as the amount of bullets it took to kill the survivor you looted them from?

HAHAHAHHA U WENT RIGHT ON THE JOEK U DUNT LICK CANS LOL NOOBZ

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a_typical_noob    651

a_typical_noob
Posted (edited)

HAHAHAHHA U WENT RIGHT ON THE JOEK U DUNT LICK CANS LOL NOOBZ

But...I DO lick them...and this forum is FUCKING LAGGY AS SHIT!!1!!!1!!!oneone

Edited by A_Typical_Noob

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

But...I DO lick them...and this forum is FUCKING LAGGY AS SHIT!!1!!!1!!!oneone

Maybe I am using them wrong? Hmm...

Lets just say it takes one lick to get the the bottom of a tin can.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a_typical_noob    651

a_typical_noob
Posted

Maybe I am using them wrong? Hmm...

Lets just say it takes one lick to get the the bottom of a tin can.

That sounds about right. Sardines are only worth one lick anyway. Nasty ass little sea creatures.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

That sounds about right. Sardines are only worth one lick anyway. Nasty ass little sea creatures.

Besides, the more you lick the higher chance it is that you cut yourself on the sardines.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a_typical_noob    651

a_typical_noob
Posted

Besides, the more you lick the higher chance it is that you cut yourself on the sardines.

And then you get Mercury poisoning. And Tetanus. And die.

And if you're Buddhist and believe in reincarnation, you get a real life re-spawn and probably end up coming back as a sardine.

It's a vicious and disturbing cycle.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

DanielTy88    133

DanielTy88
Posted

New player spawns on beach...

New player see's some zombies...

New player decides to run through them thinking they are slow...

New player finds out they aren't slow...o.O

Shits pants...

Welcome to DayZ

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a_typical_noob    651

a_typical_noob
Posted

How many well armed bandits does it take to raid the NW Airfield?

Not sure. They're all sniping unarmed noobs in Elektro.

  • Like 2

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

ShaneGT    41

ShaneGT
Posted

Me: I found a chopper and it works

(takes off and flys around for 3 minutes)

(trys to land)

Me: o shit tree

Me: Yes, i survived, bandaging.

BEC: DayzAntihax: You are being banned for remote code execution.

Checks ban log, Bis_Airdestruction:......

Banned from own server...

......

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

=RK=Achilles    31

=RK=Achilles
Posted (edited)

Bambie: "I'm in a barn, I can see a large field and a tree line through the door. Anyone know where I am?"

Rest of Server: .............................................................................

Edited by =ST=Achilles

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Strazyplus    14

Strazyplus
Posted (edited)

What's the difference between a hacker and a turd?

Turds don't have neck beards or live in their mom's basement.

Ten year olds don't have beards...

Edited by Strazyplus

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

What smells shit and flies really fast?

A bullet from an AS50 Thermal flying up the nose of a noob.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

DanielTy88    133

DanielTy88
Posted

What do you get when you cross someone that is horrible at games and is a douche bag = Hacker

  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

lvg    1690

lvg
Posted (edited)

Side Chat Survivor 1: Hey where are you?

Side Chat Survivor 2: next to a tree

I need your Clothes, your Beans and your Bicycle

Edited by LVG
  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

LawsOfFire    21

LawsOfFire
Posted

Side Chat Survivor 1: Hey where are you?

Side Chat Survivor 2: next to a tree

I need your Clothes, your Beans and your Bicycle

But i cant drop my clothes.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

What's stuck on a hill near the coast camouflaged with the grass?

Your mom when she tried to walk up the slope but rolled down.

  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

a_typical_noob    651

a_typical_noob
Posted

What do you tell a female survivor that has two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

morgan32    403

morgan32
Posted

What do you tell a female survivor that has two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice!

Female survivor, HAHAHHAA; best joke so far!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

DanielTy88    133

DanielTy88
Posted

Female survivor, HAHAHHAA; best joke so far!

Female flying a helicopter...This isn't going to end well...

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

coolcow    1

coolcow
Posted (edited)

My favorite running gag playing dayz:

Bandit (less then 5 minutes after been fresh respawned): nice !!! i just found a coyote backpack and a lot of good stuff to do into it !!! what a lucky day !!!

[...a few minutes later...]

Survivor: woot ?! fuck...

hint (for those who don't understand the joke): the Bandit and the Survivor are the same player... (humanity bug)

Edited by coolcow
  • Like 1

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

DanielTy88    133

DanielTy88
Posted

And I run,I run so far a away....I couldn't get away...

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Go To Topic Listing DayZ Mod General Discussion
×