Killed by bandit :´(

[dallas 5195]

Killed by Bandit.

I'm no carebear, but as I entered a supermarket somewhere over west, I were alarmed by the crack and fizzle of someone opening a sugary beverage, caught a glimpse of the neat, but plain german desert ninja outfit and decided to deescalate and retreat. I don't kill for sports, I don't kill unless I have to, I'm no saint for sure, but I am kind of.

I backed out the door, saying friendly, friendly and put as many obstacles betwen me and the supermarket, while I pushed for the treeline. When safely engulfed in the green shadows, I quickly forwarned people about my discoveries and sent a recommendation to all good natured survivors, to avoid or approach said town with caution. I just did what anyone would have done in my situation, if they had been a hero too. That doesn't make me a hero per se, although it was both heroic and brave and kind and selfless.

Two very good deeds within a very short time. One I did not facepwn the bandit nub and two my warning, most likely saved countless innocent others. After picking some flowers in the nearby forest, cleaning some deer stands and courteously laughing of some Chuck Norris jokes in side chat, I merrily skipped my way across the beautiful country, we now know as Post-chernarus. I came across a lovely green field, where I stopped for a moment to salute a cow. Being a friend of wild animals does not make me better than anyone, but I truely believe veganism is a sign of an evolved intelligence.

In the cows big brown eyes I saw something, that made my tingly bits tingle. At first I thought it was simply a natural reaction to the current state, the lack of compassion, humanity and intellect required to rebuild a civilized and socialized society, but as I soon would learn, it was of the impending doom and destruction, awaiting across this very field.

I saluted the cow again, the game in it's present state does not allow for a two-handed wave and smile combo and continued over the field. As I traveled towards the end of this green sea, I heard the sorry sound of rapid and very close Makarov fire. My joints snapped and my bones broke and my blood flowed and my heart sank low. Although I was clearly under attack and knew my perpetrator wished me no good, I couldn't help feeling poorly for this bandit, who was trying his best to extinguish the kind and intelligent light from my steel blue eyes, with such a tawdry pistol.

Maybe because I'm blessed with humility, because I show such kindness to all others and things, someone or something above, either god himself, some cosmic balancing being, the fairy of all things sparkley or an all knowing BI developer, who designed Chernarus, had placed a small piece of shrubbery, just where I fell, busted, broken and bleeding. While this unlucky bandit unloaded his second magazine into this little bush, which tiny branches and leaves protected me, not unlike the legendary actor Kevin Costner did Whitney Houston(God Bless) in the move Bodyguard, I thought for a moment about giving up. I knew though, that it wasn't in my nature, to just give up and let down the can of coke or pepsi or mdew that warned me in the supermarket, to break the brown eyed cow's heart forever and the bush's that suffered needlessly for my benefit. I could not vannish into the night, I could not die without a fight, so I bandaged my leaking wounds and prayed that the silly angry bandit, would simply go away, so I wouldn't have to hurt him.

However this unappologetic socalled human being forced me to use my last bandaid as he evaporated his thrid magazine into both Mr. Bush and I. After his fourth magazine, I was bleeding again and the shrubbery wasn't too happy either. It was with deep sadness I realized, I'd have to end this misserable bandit's life or atleast die trying. I found myself in a moral dilemma, should I use one of my m67 fragmentation grenades and possibly harm the surrounding fauna and wild life or should I with somewhat lack of flair bust a dozen of caps in his ass. The bandit made the choice for me. He had now closed in on my concealed position and had the audacity to act shocked and surprised, when I unloaded my M4A3 full auto through the bush towards his oncomming footsteps.

Mr. Bandit, who had decided to bring an end to my gentle and beautiful being, now had great difficulty deciding whether to sprint or dive for cover and as a result he ended up diving past me. I elegantly spun around, disregarding the pain from my dying body and emptied the stanag into the general direction of his face and upper torso. With deep sadness I watched him belly flop, like a trout out of water and I knew it was undignified to let him suffer even for a moment longer, so I reloaded and blew the fragile flame out of his pale moon face forever.

Before I burried this broken vessel of a bandit, I allowed myself one bandaid from his backpack to stop the blood from leaving my precious self and although I knew someone important, had chosen me to protect the good spirited survivors and spare as many not too bright bandits as possible, I still would have prefered letting this annoying and persistent badger live.

I wish we all could live happily together in peace in Post-chernarus, using zombies as labor in sweat shops, providing affordable running shoes and expensive ipads equally to all. While all humans and animals alike would hold high payed and ineffective goverment jobs, paying equally high taxes, having six weeks paid vacation, healthcare and all as equals drive new beetles with integrated dashboard flower vases, minimizing road rage and stress.

If I could only have talked sense to this misguided child, instead of killing him with love and compassion and thirty plus 5.56 milimeters. If only he could hear me from his last resting place, on the green field, near the brown eyed cow, below the little bush, I would have said:

Surviving you, broke my heart. It truely killed me, killing you.

Edited November 26, 2012 by Dallas

[Hawk24 94]

I first thought you would describe your intimate relationship to the cow

But I see what you did there

[dallas 5195]

Nothing unnatural happened, she's a dirty cow and a liar!

[Arnoldio 2]

24 carat gold.

[Bean Dispenser 0]

Very funny story! I was also relieved no cows were harmed during the dust-up...the Humane Society approves of your adventure.

[trig 1]

Truly...the humanity... :´(

[Guest]

TL DR, wall of text :D

but feel sorry for you dude

[alchemy1002 5]

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

[austendude 3]

I spawned right near a broken helicopter. It looked fine, the machine guns worked, but it was immobile. I was checking it out for a little while wondering why it wont fly, when I get shot at. I run towards the grass while getting shot and I hide. I'm already down to 5k blood and bleeding, and I go prone in the grass to camoflauge myself. The dumb bandit catches up and looks around for me (nametage disabled). I shoot at him so many times, but my vision is so blurred I cant tell if im hitting him. He doesn't fire back. I think he ran to the helicopter to try to fly away, so I quickly bandage and pop pills and run towards there. Im down to 2k blood and I pass out. I wake up, and notice my screen says "bandit killed: 1". I jump in joy! I look for ther body for more painkillers, but even the flies cant help me find the body. I cant see crap. I try to chat for help but no one responds to me.... And I die.... Well, commit suicide.