Dear Newbies Wandering The Coast

[DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA 149]

Let me tell you the tale, of a silly little girl who wasn't very bright...

See, my group has a lot of guns. And a lot of cars. And we sometimes get bored of just shooting our guns into the air and driving our cars in circles. When that happens, I like to drive around the shoreline and pick up newbies and take them wherever they want to go.

Today I was doing just that, and as I drove past Kamenka I heard a Makarov going off. Friend! I thought. So I drive right through town honking, yelling "Friendly? Friendly?!" A female survivor pokes her head out of a log cabin. She didn't have a mic, but made a nodding motion by looking up and down. I told her to drop her gun and get in the car if she wanted a ride, which she did. We drove for a ways while I asked things like her name (bobreposhed, so I guess I'll refer to it as a him from now on) and where he wanted to go. We stopped at a little gas station, and I asked Bob to get out and use the jerry cans in the back of the car to fill up the tank. I got out to kill some zombies, so at this point Bob definitely had a good look at me. Ghillie suit, AS50, M9SD. A dude you probably don't want to fuck with.

Here's where Bob did something really stupid. He filled up the tank like a good little newbie, but then decided it would be cool to jump in the drivers seat and rev the engine. Bob died instantaneously. Because you see, guys with ghillie suits and really fucking big rifles don't appreciate it when you try to steal their trucks. And a guy doesn't just get that gear by being careless, you can bet your ass the entire time he was filling the tank I had my sights right on his forehead. So instead of getting a free ride to NWAF, or NEAF, or really any place he desired, Bob is dead. And I have to clean brains off my seat.

tl;dr

So newbies, here's the moral of this story. When someone genuinely tries to be nice to you, don't fucking try to fuck them. Especially when they have a rifle, and you have a flashlight. And specifically if DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA rolls up next to you in a white pickup truck, don't be a bitch. I'm just trying to make friends, but I'll kill your dumb ass if I have to.

Edit:

Added tl;dr for the tards who didn't read the last sentence and complained. These tards include, and are most definitely limited to, Frosty99

Edited August 9, 2012 by DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA

[atlantis_risen 14]

gotcha! :thumbsup:

[fosty99 160]

tl;dr

[shazbot04 34]

Ha that was a great story beans for you!

[KILLERBUCK13 2]

What if he accidentally got in the drivers seat?

[Tiger Uppercut 0]

Thug Life

[Rikarue 2011]

Awesome story, you have my beans good sir.

[WargameKlok 166]

What if he accidentally got in the drivers seat?

Good point. Us noobs hardly know what we are doing. Still though, I love this story!!!!!

[DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA 149]

What if he accidentally got in the drivers seat?

First, you can get in the drivers seat and not turn the car on. It'll only turn on if you press W/D.

Second, even if you have no knowledge of this game you know what the drivers seat of a car is for, and what the passengers seat is for. They're quite clearly labelled. If you have no knowledge of how a car functions, then I would have to question how in fact you are operating your computer.

Third, and this is more of an after thought, but if you aren't familiar with the game it's still fairly obvious that you should be REALLY careful when a guy with a giant gun is just waiting for you to do something crazy. I'd be carefully reading every line of the scroll-wheel menu to make sure I didn't piss someone off by accident.

[teamRAVEGREEN 9]

I wish I had an experience like this when I was a noob. I'd still genuinely like them now, as a respawn!

Instead, I hit the places I know as fast as possible hoping not to get sniped from a million miles away or run into noob1, 2 and 3 with their hatchets and makarovs so I can get back out into the "other" wild...

[Rikarue 2011]

I'd be carefully reading every line of the scroll-wheel menu to make sure I didn't piss someone off by accident.

True dat.

[ZePlague 11]

Uh you gotta admit with all the trolls out there posting youtube videos of how to mess with newbs he had no reason to trust you. You could have brought him to the middle of nowhere, cripped him, and laughed as he had to wait to starve to death. It's too hard to figure out people's motives in this game. Every act of kindness I've seen in this game has led to just getting your guard down for the eventual and inevitable betrayal.

[DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA 149]

Uh you gotta admit with all the trolls out there posting youtube videos of how to mess with newbs he had no reason to trust you. You could have brought him to the middle of nowhere, cripped him, and laughed as he had to wait to starve to death. It's too hard to figure out people's motives in this game. Every act of kindness I've seen in this game has led to just getting your guard down for the eventual and inevitable betrayal.

He had the option to just hide in the cabin. Am I going to risk getting out and potentially getting lucky headshotted just to get a murder on a new spawn? Nope.

[zython (DayZ) 196]

I remember when me and some other people were doing a helicopter taxi.

A guy who said he wanted to get picked up shot at us.

That's a big no-no.

We proceeded to mow him down with the the side mounted machine guns.

[Hetstaine 10852]

Bob..he liked wearing tight girls pants and a wig. Died with only a flashlight because he was over eager and late to the hens party. Everyone raise a can of beans for Bob..you will be remembered in this post apocalyptic fuckfight.

[martink8190@gmail.com 149]

So newbies, here's the moral of this story. When someone genuinely tries to be nice to you, don't fucking try to fuck them. Especially when they have a rifle, and you have a flashlight.

I fucking hate backstabbers and ppl who call friendly yet long ago decided to go for the kill.

Good story nonetheless. I hope there's more respectable and helpful players like you dude. Newbs, be greatful and charge your flashlights next time haha ;)

[Lord Daem 15]

What server do you use?

I could use a lift sometime :)

[Dayzo 182]

Trying to hijack your car?

Uh, it was far more likely that he was transported into the driver's seat by a hacker. :rolleyes:

[DEOVONTAY MCSLANGA 149]

What server do you use?

I could use a lift sometime :)

US1081 - BRA 1

We kill brazillians on sight because we play league of legends enough to know how much they deserve to die.

[XDARKNESS192 20]

mhmmmm

[Lord Daem 15]

US1081 - BRA 1

We kill brazillians on sight because we play league of legends enough to know how much they deserve to die.

Well, I'm English, so I hope you don't mind us xD

[alyas 14]

I tired helping out a new player today.. Was driving my red POS car down the coast. Saw some zombies started hooking to pull them away from whomever. Turned around and went to mow down the line of now zombies behind me only to find the last zombie was a player. Only if i wasnt going 103 km/h he might of had a chance.

[CoolCain10 55]

He had the option to just hide in the cabin. Am I going to risk getting out and potentially getting lucky headshotted just to get a murder on a new spawn? Nope.

Yeh but if someone shouts at you "Friendly Friendly?" you would come out as you're a noob and they are fully geared up with stuff you would come outside and nod/say yes

[bezki 31]

tl;dr

wat. really? your tl;dr is allready there. just read the last sentence.

[Thing 4]

When someone genuinely tries to be nice to you, don't fucking try to fuck them. Especially when they have a rifle, and you have a flashlight.

If I only have a flashlight, what do I have to lose?