Cyric's Forum PvP Guide

[Cyric (DayZ) 254]

Hello reader, if you have the attention span of a horny squirrel then I suggest you stop reading this and move on. This will be a wall of text and there will not be a TL;DR. For those of you looking for an interesting and potentially pleasant read, I welcome you to...

Cyric's Forum PvP Guide

Forum PvP is a long standing internet pastime all over the world. The anonymous nature of the internet allows it's users to talk smack where they otherwise wouldn't be able to due to real world repercussions such as physical assault and/or murder. Think of the internet as an immense digital shield you can hide behind when you have something to say that would otherwise result in your skull being crushed by the nearest retrievable blunt object if you said it in the real world.

Forum PvP is most commonly referred to as flaming or trolling. Often times, users will read a thread OP and either strongly disagree or have nothing particularly constructive to add. Users who strongly disagree with an OP will often engage in flaming the OP by pointing out perceived flaws in logic, commenting on poor grammar/spelling, or just becoming openly hostile. Also to note, forum champions will often read a thread OP and have nothing to add, neither agreeing or disagreeing. However, they require battle to nourish their internet ego and will engage other negative replies in a flame war to sate their appetite for drama. Forum trolls have a similar approach to forum PvP, however, their motives are different from the typical forum user. Upon reading any post, OP or otherwise, a forum troll will reply with just enough to lure in as many forum champions of differing alignments as possible. Once these forum champions engage the troll in digital combat, they will become aware of each other and battle will erupt between them. A forum troll's ultimate goal is to create as much confusion, dissension, and enmity as possible in a single thread, more often than not resulting in moderator action to lock the aforementioned thread. A forum troll feeds on attention, and thus, once a thread becomes locked or is no longer active, they will move on to another thread to seek additional sustenance.

So you want to create a thread...

Here are some things to keep in mind when you're creating a new thread.

• If your thread is about how you were unjustly murdered, how you murdered a group of noobs, how you're angry you lost gear, etc. then allow me to direct you
  .
  
• If your thread is a satirical rant about requiring a punishment for murder, server hoppers, hackers, exploiters, etc. then allow me to direct you
  .
  
• If your thread is a question about how to use a flashlight, open doors, where to find specific loot, etc. then allow me to direct you here.
  
• If your thread is about how insanely difficult the game is, how starting without a weapon is impossible, how players should spawn with at least a nuclear switchblade, etc. then allow me to direct you
  .
  
• If your thread involves an idea to enhance the mod, fix a bug/glitch/exploit, an idea for a new feature, etc. allow me to direct you here.
  
• If your thread is a complaint about the game eating your gear, being unable to load in, finding a hacker at the other end of the rainbow, etc. then allow me to direct you here and here.
  

Think before you post unless you're ready to engage in forum PvP, as the above topics will likely lead to a flame war or attract trolls.

Am I ready for forum PvP?

If you get easily offended, don't make sense when you speak/type, lack any form of ingenuity, don't understand memes, care at all about your image on the internet or frequently lack lightning fast wit then you should avoid forum PvP at all costs. Seasoned forum champions and trolls will be attracted to your posts like flies to shit and leave you flustered and angry.

If you're mad after a forum defeat, the best cure is:

How do I fight back?

When on the defensive in a flame war, the best tactic is to point out logical flaws in your opponent's fiery post. The more inane you can make your attacker look, the more likely you'll come out on top with that shiny non-existent championship belt. Be careful that your retort doesn't backfire, therefore making you look even more ridiculous without your opponent even having to launch additional attacks. Refrain from name calling unless it's original and potentially humorous, calling someone dumbass, retard, moron, idiot, stupid, etc. is generic and will not be well received. Also be aware that the victor of any flame war is generally decided by the thread's bystanders and not the participants in the thread your inferno is feeding upon. If a moderator locks the thread before a victor is decided then it's commonly considered a draw.

Remember, combating flame wars and trolls is serious and totally matters in the real world. Make sure you play the appropriate battle music when typing a reply so your post is infused with the burning magma-like hatred you can only feel when dealing with an absolute stranger you know nothing about and will never meet in this lifetime or the next who had the nerve to disagree with you.

Popular battle themes include:

• 
  
• "Imminent TKO"
  
• "Epic Struggle"
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  

Thanks for reading Cyric's Forum PvP Guide on the DayZ forum, I hope everyone learned a little something from this. Having completely pointless and ultimately senseless arguments with complete strangers is an art form and a lifestyle, respect that and you will always succeed.

[Techercizer 82]

cool story bro

See what I did there? ^.^

Nice guide. It's a shame that the few to none of the people who need to read it will have the sense to do so.

Edited July 14, 2012 by Techercizer

[Benlandia 73]

OP has too much time on his hands.

[fml 29]

cool story bro

[Ichimaruu 39]

Edited July 14, 2012 by Ichimaruu

[fml 29]

Cool Story Bro.

Edited July 14, 2012 by nightpaws

[Red_Sky 140]

This is relevant, if not aimed at you nightpaws.

Do 90% of your posts just consist of

Cool Story Bro.

?

[Partypants Pete 7]

This is relevant, if not aimed at you nightpaws.

Do 90% of your posts just consist of

Cool Story Bro.

?

I seriously LOL every single time I see him do it.

[Red_Sky 140]

I seriously LOL every single time I see him do it.

I used to, when others did it.

I'm not new to forums and it's gotten old for me.

W/e

[fml 29]

I used to, when others did it.

I'm not new to forums and it's gotten old for me.

W/e

Im the originator. Nice try though.

[Cyric (DayZ) 254]

OP has too much time on his hands.

I really did when I decided to put this together... sad, I know. :blush:

[heretic (DayZ) 76]

Yes. Great post. Should be required reading for all forum members.

Laughter is definitely the best medicine...

[rocky46 16]

I rofled so hard and fell off my chair!!

[Sticker704 121]

This thread should be at the registration page :P

[rocky46 16]

so flamers and trolls i found a list of "poker hands" that might interest you for reference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_logical_fallacies#Informal_fallacies

[Rock (DayZ) 95]

The way you describe trolls makes them sound like forum "infiltrators" if you will, causing havoc and mayhem by pitting two sides against each other who weren't there before, having thread locked down and entire forums destroyed by flame wars. Wait, does that mean even my other people's porn sites (or "pronums") are warzones?

Edited August 1, 2012 by Rock

[Bairhanz 1]

I just about shit my pants when the Imminent TKO link led to the Guile Theme. Props to you good sir.

[Cyric (DayZ) 254]

The way you describe trolls makes them sound like forum "infiltrators" if you will, causing havoc and mayhem by pitting two sides against each other who weren't there before, having thread locked down and entire forums destroyed by flame wars. Wait, does that mean even my other people's porn sites (or "pronums") are warzones?

They exist in every shadowy corner of every website that allows a user to provide a public opinion, tread carefully.

[Zymi 64]

I did like the Troll section. Though you should have made the sentence about suggestions size 36, too many suggestions in general.

[Zexis 127]

Made me laugh, have some beans.