Death by Itchy Sack

[mooky32 308]

So me Itchy and Norther Irish guy are sitting in the pub in Elektro, stair cover , double window formation amidst the now normal Mexican stand-off scenario that is the RULE in town nowadays. You know the scene, any player moving a ball hair out of cover automatically is subject to a tirade of fire that makes the omaha scene in saving private ryan look like a stroll in the park.

We are sitting tight being utter wankers, shooting anything that moves, armed or not, no zombies mind - that would be an utter waste of ammo. Couple of weapons hide around the Elektro area in case of being caught out, the usual precautions.

Half hour in and we have eliminated a rival gang in the tech and one guy who strangely stood on top of the police station and put his hands up. So NI guy gets called away from the keyboard and Itchy needs a piss, I am left on cover duty. No movement for a good 10 mins, so I am fairly relaxed.

Then it starts, sack itch generated by the seam of my boxers chaffing. Subtle at first but persistent. Stay focused Mooky they will be back soon, keep it together. Quickly escalates to "moist" itch level, some potential nut sweat adding to discomfort. The urge is overwhelming, I am sweating more than a Japanese prisoner of war and it's not helping. I have to act...

Being right handed I release the mouse and delve into the depths of my jeans for some sweet release (and a scratch)

As soon as I am giving some slack to my sack, 2 dudes appear at the stairs and proceed to spray and pray our team of legends. I retrieve my hand at speed (risking a dislocated nut) and reach for the mouse.

Too late, Mooky boy et al are filled with more lead than a 2 year old chewing a games workshop miniature. Goodnight sweet princes!

So the practical lesson, a pre-emptive nut and optionally ass scratch should be considered prior to high risk scenarios. The irony that this did not happen to Itchy is not lost on me.......

[Irish. 4886]

The construction of the post meshes well with its organization and lends itself successfully to the study of different time periods in Elektro history. Each character is broken down into consumable sections, which typically fit logically into the topic of the core literary structure. All characters are composed of several defining parts that maintain a sense of continuity throughout the volume. A Summary of Events for the time period under review leads into the introduction and the character goals. Unfortunately, the intriguing stories may also confuse readers who are so numerous as to distort the flow of the historical context. 

 

Also, good story.

Edited April 6, 2014 by lrish

[tobias winfro 305]

Thank good sir, I needed a good laugh while I'm at work. I don't mean to laugh at your misfortune. Beans to you sir

[Golden Child 73]

You should practice ambidexterity for left hand scratching action, also I'm not entirely sure how i feel about this story.

[mooky32 308]

A fine review Irish, it's uncommon to meet a fellow purveyor of first rate prose.

You have effectively nailed the character progression arc I am peddling, combined with the nod to realism in keeping content relevant.

I think what shows most growth however is the self admission that we have shed the shackles of "self-justification" and come to terms with the fact we are out and out wankers.

[mooky32 308]

You should practice ambidexterity for left hand scratching action, also I'm not entirely sure how i feel about this story.

Strangely aroused?

[zecele 211]

I'm Northern Irish. Its strange to see other Northern Irish people playing DayZ.

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Welcome back mooky :beans:

[Irish. 4886]

A fine review Irish, it's uncommon to meet a fellow purveyor of first rate prose.

You have effectively nailed the character progression arc I am peddling, combined with the nod to realism in keeping content relevant.

I think what shows most growth however is the self admission that we have shed the shackles of "self-justification" and come to terms with the fact we are out and out wankers.

Well said good chap ;)

[irishroy 1347]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VwWZDQ8N1c

should be a commercial during the loading times then ;)

 

 

Also, trying to keep the high level of this thread regarding poetry ;)

 

Though fails in life are inevitable, because we're humans, we should still struggle to aim for the goal ahead (which we'll never reach)

to keep ourselves on the endless path of becoming a better being.

This time, you had to take care of your buddies lives, but you sadly fell for the freedom of

"the depths of your jeans", as you called it, like a stone falls into hole, which is darker than a buffalo's ass in a moonless prairie-night. 

Edited April 6, 2014 by irishroy

[mooky32 308]

I'm Northern Irish. Its strange to see other Northern Irish people playing DayZ.

Individual responses because multi quote has gone ape on my ipad.

Yup NI guy has become a total asset to our team. He is a wee brother to itchy and I , but you know what? He totally earned his place by being a top bloke and a bloody decent shot. He is a total heartless wanker like us and still has a sense of humour AND puts up with me saying "bout ye?" all the time!

[mooky32 308]

Welcome back mooky :beans:

Thanks bro appreciate it from a vet, still making a nuisance of myself!

[mooky32 308]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VwWZDQ8N1c

should be a commercial during the loading times then ;)

 

 

Also, trying to keep the high level of this thread regarding poetry ;)

 

Though fails in life are inevitable, because we're humans, we should still struggle to aim for the goal ahead (which we'll never reach)

to keep ourselves on the endless path of becoming a better being.

This time, you had to take care of your buddies lives, but you sadly fell for the freedom of

"the depths of your jeans", as you called it, like a stone falls into hole, which is darker than a buffalo's ass in a moonless prairie-night.

lol well put sir! The ecstasy of sack itch relied almost transcended human vocabulary!

[weedmasta 784]

That'll teach you for wearing pants in Elektro!

[kichilron 8550]

Where is all this coming from? I don't see a reason to suddenly turn left-handed.

 

Just do it like any normal person does and play naked.

[mooky32 308]

That'll teach you for wearing pants in Elektro!

Some truth mate , but if I was playing naked as usual it would have significantly aided sack scratchage!

[badluckburt 974]

This has to be one of the best DayZ stories I've read, very well executed :D

 

:beans: :beans: :beans: :beans: :beans: :beans: :beans: :beans: :beans:

[Hetstaine 10852]

Bad timing itch, the death of many a player. You can file this one along with many other less than heroic situations..i can only put down the ones i can relate to, i am sure there are plenty more.

 

The drunken ex text death

 

Spilt rum death

 

The keyboard spider

 

Pizza chin burn

 

What the fuck is that noise in the hallway

 

The inconvenient yawn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where is all this coming from? I don't see a reason to suddenly turn left-handed.

 

Just do it like any normal person does and play naked.

 

 The man speaks the truth. Why let clothes hamper your gaming time ?

[Caboose187 (DayZ) 3036]

 The man speaks the truth. Why let clothes hamper your gaming time ?

I have a leather chair.  Do you know what it's like to peel yourself off one after a hot steamy game session??

[mooky32 308]

Bad timing itch, the death of many a player. You can file this one along with many other less than heroic situations..i can only put down the ones i can relate to, i am sure there are plenty more.

 

The drunken ex text death

 

Spilt rum death

 

The keyboard spider

 

Pizza chin burn

 

What the fuck is that noise in the hallway

 

The inconvenient yawn

 

 Right on my track Hest per usual,

I would like to add the following

One headphone muff on with the other off whilst wanking and still trying to detect that the missus maybe approaching the no fly zone

Taking a drag on a fag , an e-fag or an actual fag (if so inclined)

Running to the fridge for a beer (Dutch , Belgium or German or GTFO)

Pretending to acknowledge your wife whilst keeping an eye on REAL LIFE (the monitor)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The man speaks the truth. Why let clothes hamper your gaming time ?