How funny is it watching bad players? Let's hear your stories...

[rickyriot 1009]

Sorry but this is a bit of a long story, so scroll down to the TL;DR if you can't be bothered reading, there is a question at the bottom. It was just such a catalogue of errors it seems unfair not to document it properly.

Story is too long, placed it into a spoiler, question now relevant without lots of rambling text. Read the spoiler text if you have 5 mins, it's sort of funny.

 

I got a replacement mic and needed to jump on a server to find out if I had the levels set. I fresh spawn near Electro on a UK server with 30 odd players (hardcore of course, even in testing I'm not going lamecore ;)) and you'd expect a few people around but the town is dead - probably all up Svetlo, not even hackers. Ok, let's try and find someone.

 

So I am wandering around Electro, new spawn out in the open, complete bullet bait, but I'm hoping people will realise I am no threat. Shouting "Hello... Hello... is anyone alive?", almost in tribute to the start of '28 Days Later' opening. Nobody. Really? Come on there has to be someone. I stand in the middle of the road shouting in the voip. Maybe my mic levels are too low although I've not even drawn a warning shot from a camper. I try the local text chat, "Anyone around? Friendly, just want to test my mic levels, can you hear me?" Nothing...

 

Then I see him (I say him as that was the character model, I have no idea of the real life gender). He's some distance off running between either sides of the road into buildings. He looks like a fresh spawn and has no melee in his hand or on his shoulder. The doors of the buildings he's going into are open so really they should have just been looking in the windows to save time but still zig-zag he goes. I can clearly see him and it would take quite a case of virtual myopia for him not to spot me but he just carries on. By now he's maybe 300 metres away and I'm trying the voip again. No reaction. I try the text, again no reaction. Is this person just ignoring me? Perhaps. 

He disappears for maybe 20 seconds I think my chance is gone, but he reappears and it looks like our bambi has had some luck, he looks to be carrying a magnum. Can't tell if it's loaded and not sure where he got it from but he has. He continues his zig zagging in and out of the houses working towards me. How can he not have seen me? This is incredible. I try the voip some more then the text chat, nothing. OK, by now he must just be ignoring me. Then suddenly he stops, maybe 100 metres away. You can almost see him thinking "wtf?". He moves a little and stops. I think he thinks I am a zombie although clearly I'm not due to the way I am dressed. 

He fires a shot. It misses by a country mile as he fired from the hip and from about 80 odd meters away. It's bloody loud though and you just know that has noised up some zombies. Sure enough, they appear and you can see the lad panicking. firing off shots wildly. It's a magnum so he needs to be careful on the number of shots in the barrel and sure enough he empties without killing any of the 3 zombies now on him. They're taking swipes at him as he stands still and you know he's frantically trying to reload in the HUD. Battered and now bleeding he empties the magnum again, at least with the zombies at close range he can't miss but he's wasting bullets by putting 3 in one 2 in another and then the last one in the remaining zombie. Surprisingly the gunshots didn't bring more zombies onto him, or at least not immediately. He is still bleeding but now decides to take a look at me, and comes running up. I'm giving it the "you made a bit of a mess of that, oh, and can you hear my mic, is it the right level". No response other than the fountain of blood he is spewing. He raises his weapon for the first time, all previous shots had been from the hip, and "click". This guy is just brilliant, I have no idea what is going on inside his head or whether he even has any ammo left but he just took a magnum empty chamber shot at me. I spot a couple of zombies coming round the corner of the building, clearly triggered from a distance when he shot the previous ones and had taken time to reach us. I see the animation for reloading kicking in so he obviously has more ammo and it's now I just think to myself, "fuck this, I'm out of here". I could have punched him, and knocked him to the ground but with the zombie aggro zeroing onto us flight is the better option. I make it into the supermarket and look behind me only to see the lad turn around fire off one shot into one of the 2 zombies now on him, while the other lands a hit that drops him. He's been bleeding from the first hit ages ago and never bandaged so he has to be near death. 

 

I stand there watching the zombie "going medieval on his ass" as two more arrive and chuckling to myself that this could possibly be one of the worst players I have ever seen playing DayZ. Whoever you are, and perhaps if you are reading this, you need to watch a few YouTube videos and learn at least even the most basic of survival tips, let alone the ability to spot a player standing out in the open just a few hundred metres in front of you.

Me? I left him, although his skills have given me some of the best laughter in some time. The way the zombies went to town all his gear would be damaged and I wasn't armed so didn't want to take on the remaining zombies. I've still yet to find someone to test my microphone.

 

TL;DR: I watched a guy completely oblivious to my existence until the last moment but he was such an inexperienced/poor player that it was hilarious to watch and he died a comical death. What are your experiences of tactically unaware or inexperienced players that have raised a laugh?

Edited March 2, 2014 by ricp

[Disgraced 1123]

Here's my story of stupidity (also long):

http://forums.dayzgame.com/index.php?/topic/177812-how-to-eff-yourself-over-or-my-first-day-playing-epoch/

[wild_man 4442]

is depend on what is meaning 'bad player'

 

if guy talking like badass and after doing stupid thing maybe fall off roof etc or fail snipe and after I kill is very funny thing this shit :lol:

 

one time guy doing fail snipe and when I run to him he talking and reloading and saying he kill me but I doing one punch knockout steal axe and finish this bitch he shut mouth after unconscious happen and I saying 'I know you listen me you are idiot and remember what I doing one punch vs 12 sniper shot and YOU LOSING' :D after he was doing rage quit :lol:

 

if is new player who still don't manage to understand what happen etc maybe don't know controls of character is not too much funny :rolleyes:

 

if I see this i don't laugh to make him feel bad maybe I laugh because is funny for 2 second but after I maybe give assist for him :thumbsup:   ;)

[Jolunn 54]

Got trapped in the camo building at NWAF by two guys, 5 mins of smack talk from the dastardly duo ensued.  When they final got the nerve to come in after me one shot the other and the survivor run like Forest.  Couldn't chase him due to the tears rolling down my face.

[cuwe 66]

Not sure if it is a bad player or just an oblivious one...

 

I was on the outside of the fence of the power plant in Elektro and saw a guy coming down off the roof on the ladder.  I called out to him and said "friendly, just looking for supplies.  I will lower my gun and you lower yours".  I got no reply, but he raised his weapon and started to look for me.  I was in 3rd person at the time and watched as he darted in and out of the generators looking for me.  Meanwhile a zombie was following him around, close on his tail.  He stopped and was trying to determine where I was and I warned him "Zombie about to hit you from behind" and he just stood there looking around trying to zero in on me, took a zombie hit and started gushing... he ran to the ladder and climbed back up onto the roof.  I kept my eye on him until i saw him squat and then just made my way back into town.

[oregonized 673]