Funniest story / encounter? Let's hear them people!

[Demoth 366]

If there is a thread like this, I haven't seen it OR I'm quite possibly blind and so I apologize.

 

Either way, let me start off with a story that made my day, and would make it even better if I could have stuck around to see what the aftermath had been.

 

I spawned on a server where some severe new-spawn massacring was going down. Fine. I make a break for the hills and somehow dodge my attackers without ever having seen them one (I'm terrible at spotting people in this game when they're hidden). So I go north a bit, peeking through trees and notice a gas station. I run down, see a dead guy with lots of gear. I take it, and one is an axe. Suddenly I'm shot in the leg and duck into the gas station, then bolt out the back and prone through bushes. I'm bleeding and I have no bandages / shirt to tear into rags. NOT GOOD!

 

I crawl my way towards a shack and as I get close, I see movement and a gun barrel stick out. I figure I'll see what's in it because I'm about to bleed to death anyway, so I 3rd person it and there are two guys with fully modded out M4's, lots of mil-gear and they're side by side in this tiny-ass shack. The shack could hold, at -most- 3 people and really only gives a vantage point of the gas station. I ask, "Guys, I'm not a thread. I take it you're not friendly though". No response. I type it out.... no response.

 

Well, no guts not glory, right? I scream into my mic like a maniac and charge into the shed, swingin' my trusty axe and hitting the guy on the right two times. I ran in between them so they both turn in and go full-auto panic spraying. I definitely smacked one dude twice, but obviously my screen went immediately black and I couldn't tell what their ultimate fate was. Did the guy bandage up and live to see another day? Did they hit each other? Did one of them / both of them die?

 

Either way, I thought screaming while charging into a shed with an axe and causing a Polish firing squad was just one of those moments.... ya know?

[jrussell4402 21]

I hope the campers fate was Polish firing squad - that's one thing that gets me about differing play styles.  How can someone find it fun to just camp one position for hours on end.

 

Fresh spawned at Sol, looted, ran down the coast trying to make it to Balota, looting along the way.  I manage to avoid danger somehow and approach the airfield from the north woods as I made a loop.  As I approach the tree line just northeast of the hangers, shots ring out.  I frantically look for the inbound fire, but cannot locate because the sounds are a bit off at the moment allowing for directional awareness.  Eventually I get sniped in the woods... ok no big deal, the shooter retrieves my gear and I hear him over comms talking to a partner, I believe this is a bug.  Spawn back in same server after exit and rejoin, this time at Kamy, I figure why not make the same run.  Get all the way to Balota more than an hour from when I was sniped, approaching from the east.  I take mosin fire yet again, but spot my enemy up in the tree line north of the hangers, and like before I am sniped.  This time though I was much closer to the enemy, and he approaches my body and I hear him over comms again, same player.  So you mean to tell me you sat there for that long?? How many hours did you camp that tree line lol.  Just seems boring to me.

 

I have had a great time with some of these player interactions though.  It is hilarious how tense everyone is in game, their communication over comms during those tense stand offs and the results.  For my own experiences, its about 50/50 whether the encounter is a danger or a friendly welcoming. 

[sigvatr 154]

one time this black dude just spanwed in kamiwobo so i unloaded a 60 round clip into him he got iced

[jrussell4402 21]

one time this black dude just spanwed in kamiwobo so i unloaded a 60 round clip into him he got iced

Shit that could have been me, I always spawn as a black dude...

[sigvatr 154]

black dudes have the best natural camo they look liek a log

[knoCC (DayZ) 211]

Bruh...

 

I almost spit out my drink...almost.

[Sawlstone 33]

black dudes have the best natural camo they look liek a log

 

Ur suck a dick, but I can't stop laughing.

[UNDERWORLD 76]

I know the feeling!

Ur suck a dick, but I can't stop laughing.

[GoldenKade 73]

Was fully geared, heading to Elektro - 6 coupled STANAGS and the best M4 I've ever had.

See massive group torturing a naked bambi. I pull out my magnum and unload into 3 guys - 2 bullets each because I had to aim for the nipples. These fully armed twatwaffles all spaz out, pull out their guns and look around frantically for the fartnugget that just took out a third of their group. They actually ended up killing each other due to miscom and I clean up the last waffle of twat with my M4. When I get back to the first guys I killed, I notice the bambi escaped. Hmph. I turn around to the sound of an agro'd Z and get blasted in the face by a naked bambi.

 

FML

[crazykage 1063]

Was fully geared, heading to Elektro - 6 coupled STANAGS and the best M4 I've ever had.

See massive group torturing a naked bambi. I pull out my magnum and unload into 3 guys - 2 bullets each because I had to aim for the nipples. These fully armed twatwaffles all spaz out, pull out their guns and look around frantically for the fartnugget that just took out a third of their group. They actually ended up killing each other due to miscom and I clean up the last waffle of twat with my M4. When I get back to the first guys I killed, I notice the bambi escaped. Hmph. I turn around to the sound of an agro'd Z and get blasted in the face by a naked bambi.

 

FML

As with any good story, in which it is told not just with a good structure (plot, development, background, etc.), but ALSO with good prose', yours is well told, sir.

No really. I lolled big time. "Twatwaffles"? "Fart nugget"? "Waffle of twat"? "naked"?

Genious. Excellent delivery.

[Timecharge 28]

I fell for the Dead body with loot on the ground trap and lost like an hours worth of gear, had to log out and back in to respawn, logged in and spawned in kamyshovo, noticed a fully geared person in a building crouched down, punched the person to death, and came out with more gear than i started with ( i'm not sure what the person was doing they might've been afk but if they were afk why wouldn't they log out? ) 

 

this happened just a few minutes ago

[GoldenKade 73]

As with any good story, in which it is told not just with a good structure (plot, development, background, etc.), but ALSO with good prose', yours is well told, sir.

No really. I lolled big time. "Twatwaffles"? "Fart nugget"? "Waffle of twat"? "naked"?

Genious. Excellent delivery.

I've got a couple more stories if you'd like.

[TangoAlpha 39]

I was in Elektro a couple weeks back looting the place with seemingly no one around or at least that's what I thought because I hadn't seen or heard anything in 20minutes while I was looting. The server restarts and I rejoin immediately and begin looting buildings by the port where I logged back in at. Couple minutes go by, all is still fine when out of nowhere, I hear several gunshots (Very close by, it sounded like it could of been on the other side of the building) and a couple  voices say something along the lines of "Don't let him get away." "Where'd he go?" "We will find you. You can't hide for long." while I began to run west and take a corner behind a building. I don't know if it was me they saw and were after (I was out in the open when it started) but all I knew was I only had an axe, and plenty of supplies along with my new found, rare at the time, can opener and I had to run as far as I could as fast as I could for I could not lose that can opener. Not really a funny situation.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Foxhunt

[acid574 98]

Funny story? More like a sad one. Fresh char, spawned in Kamyshovo. Walked through the street, saw how some other fresh spawn got shot by 2 childish bandits in a bush. They actually checked him for loot. A fresh spawn. Yes. I saw them in the distance, and I made the friendly-dance. They saw me, and they hid in the bush again. I checked the bush for 2 to 3 minutes, told another fresh spawn that there are some little tiny wiener bandits camping in that bush, killing all new spawns. He thanked me, and I also showed him the well because he was already dying of being thirsty. So a minute later, I checked the bush from the distance again, and they disappeared not seconds later. Guess what - They were ghosting. I got shot not even 10 seconds later from behind, from the same 2 guys. And just get that in your head - 2 fully geared dickless kids are ghosting for a FRESH SPAWN! Pretty sad, but gotta live with it.

Anyways, to not get off topic:

Saw 5 guys in a small house, started punching against the wall. They all went batshit crazy and started shooting in some weird spots all over the place. Damn that was funny. 

[HeartLocker 0]

I was looting Elektro with a friend of mine. Now personally , I'm a guy that trusts nobody because I died waaaaay to many times trying to be friendly. My friend on the other hand hasn't experienced many player-encounters , and doesn't like killing people at all. So I'm there with him , looting Elektro when two fresh-spawns come and start chit-chatting with us. I'm not comfortable with them being so close to us at all , but my friend there is all happy and stuff because he makes a good impression of being friendly. Then all of a sudden , one of the guys raises his fists and knocks me unconscious with one punch. I yell to my friend in skype "KILL HIM HE PUNCHED ME UNCONSCIOUS" and my retarded friend is all like "lololo that guy was just trolling you and you're so stupid you got knocked out in one punch". I keep yelling at him to kill the guy and he's like "Noooo man just chill , they're friendly ... they waz just playing with ya". And the next sound I hear is the guy that knocked me out shooting the M4 he just stole from me. Despite his friendliness , my friend there gets killed and T-bagged.

I haven't played DayZ with him ever since. I'd rather die of loneliness that play with an incompetent friend.

[GoldenKade 73]

Story 2: Dedicated to @krazycage

 

I'm traveling from Cherno to Elektro with some random that I met in Balota. (Yes, I know - I befriended someone in Balota what are the damn odds)

My newfound friend and I are running in the trees when all of the sudden a wild group of bambis with M4's appear, running down the road towards Cherno. Since I'm not skyping this guy and I don't have my mic on to stop him - this idiot starts popping shots from his FNX left and right. I look around to discover that there is no cover and we are desperately outnumbered. 

I hide behind a tree skinnier than my leg (btw I skip leg days sometimes) and pull out my Mosin.

 

My tard of a friend managed to miss all 5 clowns with his whole FNX mag. Since they were so well geared for absolute nubs, our attackers literally ran at us from the road. WHAT A TACTIC.

 

My useless friend hid behind a bush and I watched as all 5 douchehammocks swarmed him, shooting whole mags into the bush.

 

Unfortunately for me, I misfired while I was prone in another bush nearby. One of the cocknuggets turned in my general direction and I blew his face off and splattered his blood all over the scene.

 

After a couple moments of panic and incredibly stinky farts, I managed to pick off two more cumquats and the other two ran towards the entrance to Elektro. As the most well-geared asshat ran down the road towards Elektro, I shot him in the back.

 

I laughed, patted myself on the back and started walking back towards the mess of bodies in the woods. Upon arriving at the crime scene, I noticed that all of the bodies were gone except for one. For whatever reason (what I assumed was a bug) the body wasn't bleeding and still had an M4 drawn. I went over and started looting it.

 

If you were paying close attention, you'll notice that I left one guy alive. Take note, this one guy will find you and stick an M4 so far up your ass that it comes out of your mouth if you aren't careful. I learned that the hard way.

 

As I approached the body from behind, I noticed it wouldn't let me check the gear. How wonderful.

 

The body stood up, pointed its M4 in my face and put a hole in my face larger than your mom's.

 

Moral of the story: Don't be a fucking dumbass like me and double tap.