This Game is Needlessly Difficult. (original poem) No Sarcasm../end sarcasm

[Sidewinder24 103]

Cheese-Monster's Lament

 

So I'm rolling with my buddies, we've got the maximum loot.

Now someone's coming round the corner and I'm prompted to shoot.

 

The guy's wearing all camo and has an M4 in hand,

And I can't immediately tell if he's part of my band.

 

We're all linked up on teamspeak so I frantically say,

"There's a player up the street with his gun pointing my way!"

 

With 3rd person enabled there's no need to stall,

I'm monitoring his movements safely behind a wall.

 

I can see the threat clearly, I lean and pop out.

I riddle him with bullets and I then hear a shout.

 

My buddy says he's dead, "You idiot that was me!"

"I'm sorry but there wasn't an indicator to see."

 

I'm sure you will say I should have used in-game comm,

But hey that's lame, don't tell me what to do mom.

 

The obvious solution, the one that caters to me,

Would be to add name tags for my whole group to see.

 

And hey while you're at it, make Dayz DB in-game.

No loot tables on the fly is quite truly a shame.

 

Does anyone know when we can spawn with our friends,

And show them on the map, their real-time location it sends?

 

I'm growing tired of playing like I could die any time.

Not fearing losing my gear would end up being sublime.

 

Lastly can you please increase the brightness of night?

The limited vision gives me far too much fright.

 

Implement these suggestions and all will be swell.

For those who disagree you can all go to hell!

 

Edit: apparently even if you indicate this entire thing is sarcasm in the title people will still find a way to derp.

Edited January 10, 2014 by Sidewinder24

[Khad (DayZ) 293]

Report your position to your squad, or die. That's it Òó.

[GpB311 236]

Even though it doesnt really fit, I still heard the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme...

[Caboose187 (DayZ) 3036]

Even though it doesnt really fit, I still heard the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme...

All I heard was the tears of a CoD player getting owned

[Sidewinder24 103]

Report your position to your squad, or die. That's it Òó.

 

There's one person who didn't get the obvious sarcasm.

[Sidewinder24 103]

All I heard was the tears of a CoD player getting owned

 

Here's another with no sarcasm indicator even though it was shown in the title...

[Dr. Goner 661]

This would ruin DayZ. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be you versus the elements.

 

If you disagree:

Go play a different game. There are literally hundreds of games that have the features you want.

 

Or how about this, as opposed to pissing and moaning about the fact that you're not getting your way and how you want this that and the other to conform to your understanding of "good", try playing the game and accepting it for what it is. 

[Furtherado 100]

Man, i don`t even know what to say anymore.

 

If the game is too hard, don`t play it. 

[Caboose187 (DayZ) 3036]

Here's another with no sarcasm indicator even though it was shown in the title...

The lack of sarcasm in the little whine of a poem was pretty pathetic.  The poem was bad and you should feel bad for even making it.

[Sidewinder24 103]

Wow, I had no idea there were so many derptastic individuals on these forums. A poem titled "Cheese-Monster's Lament" which clearly makes fun of people who ask for things like this can be construed as being part of that problem. Yikes.

[Dr. Goner 661]

Wow, I had no idea there were so many derptastic individuals on these forums. A poem titled "Cheese-Monster's Lament" which clearly makes fun of people who ask for things like this can be construed as being part of that problem. Yikes.

 

Sorry I didn't understand your concept of a joke. Even though you used the obvious disclaimer "No Sarcasm..\end sarcasm" I mean everyone knows what that fucking means. 

 

Plus you've edited the thing how many times since you posted it? I think you're falling back on your position.

 

What was the point of you posting this again?

[Sidewinder24 103]

Sorry I didn't understand your concept of a joke. Even though you used the obvious disclaimer "No Sarcasm..\end sarcasm" I mean everyone knows what that fucking means. 

 

Plus you've edited the thing how many times since you posted it? I think you're falling back on your position.

 

What was the point of you posting this again?

 

Why are you so angry. Obviously you don't understand metaphors, sarcasm, parody or satire. Don't worry you're not alone, my 8-year-old just started learning about those concepts.

[Dr. Goner 661]

Why are you so angry. Obviously you don't understand metaphors, sarcasm, parody or satire. Don't worry you're not alone, my 8-year-old just started learning about those concepts.

 

 

I'm angry because I'm forced to read this drivel constantly. 

 

You walked a fine line with your joke and it obviously didn't come across to the first several people that read it, hence the immediate crying that we all did.

 

All I can say is, get better at writing humor or don't put stuff out for public view if you aren't ready for it to be misunderstood or critiqued.

 

Note my member title, I haven't been this prickly in a while and I apologize if I've hurt your feelings. I'm being serious, I just got over a terrible cold and even when healthy, I've been known to be a grouchy old bastard on occasion.

Edited January 10, 2014 by DrGonzo

[Max Planck 7174]

Well, I liked it.

It was different from the usual threads and some effort went into it.

 

Maybe do a limerick next time?

[Sidewinder24 103]

I'm angry because I'm forced to read this drivel constantly. 

 

You walked a fine line with your joke and it obviously didn't come across to the first several people that read it, hence the immediate crying that we all did.

 

All I can say is, get better at writing humor or don't put stuff out for public view if you aren't ready for it to be misunderstood or critiqued.

 

Note my member title, I haven't been this prickly in a while and I apologize if I've hurt your feelings. I'm being serious, I just got over a terrible cold and even when healthy, I've been known to be a grouchy old bastard on occasion.

 

My feelings aren't hurt and there were a couple of people that liked my post and knew exactly what it was well before the higher-reasoning-limited people showed up to spout their drivel. You're right though I shouldn't have thought that people wouldn't be this dumb on these forums.

[DKR 104]

good poem!

Name tags are featured in arcade games, like CoD and BF, WoW, etc. The roots of this game are based on tactical, teamwork based simulation. Brutality and cold reality is the name of the game in DayZ.

DayDB is another example of an overpowered utility that gamers use. External communication programs like TS also fall in that category. It would break immersion.

Spawning on friends and seeing their position is, again, a feature of many mainstream arcade games. The goal is to survive with what you have within the game, not having magical locator functionality.

Night time lighting is in progress. Its Alpha.

For all that disagree, their disagreement is based on the type of game this is and the spirit of the gameplay that has been. You spawn in with nothing...no magical floating name tags or map locations...no out of world digital hand holding. Just survive. Otherwise, Left4Dead might be for you.

[Mdogg2005 447]

Ignore the simpletons.  I thought the poem was pretty funny and I actually get what you were going for.

[Sidewinder24 103]

Well, I liked it.

It was different from the usual threads and some effort went into it.

 

Maybe do a limerick next time?

 

There once was a monotonous forum,

 

Where posts had the same decorum.

 

I tried to be clever,

 

With a poetic endeavor,

 

The results didn't hardly floor 'em.

[knifeparty 109]

Allow me to reply in equal sarcasm. yall' taking this too seriously.

 

I sit on my hill, quiet as a mouse

In town I see Bambi, rounding a house

 

A bandit draws near, but Bambi's geared too

I watch in pure bliss, "what will he do"

 

I take aim at the bandit, but Bambi acts first

he goes off with his M4, its selector, full burst

 

he killed his aggressor, though awkward it seemed

I thought "good job Bambi", his reputation redeemed

 

I made my way to him, "I'm a friend, please don't shoot"

"I saw what had happened, good job on the loot"

 

A little sad and angry, he confessed out of spite

"that guy was my mate and I shot out of fright"

 

with my palm in my face, I ask "why not use your chat"

you could have avoided it, simple as that

 

Instead of an answer, he complained about tags

about maps, about loot, about KoS fags

 

he said "this games too hard, and your being to snooty"

I replied "whatever man, go back to call of duty"

[27 others 102]

at first i thought what a homosexual person. but then i realized he was just impersonating one :)

Edited January 10, 2014 by Max Planck
Don't use 'homosexual' as an insult on these forums.

[Dr. Goner 661]

Ignore the simpletons.  I thought the poem was pretty funny and I actually get what you were going for.

 

Simpleton. Hardly, I've been reading Lorca for god's sake.

 

I'm only becoming a pompous ass because you are acting like this is high art and we are incapable of getting it.

 

I admit, I didn't get the joke and in retrospect it is mildly humorous. But, it is no where near the funniest piece of satire that I've read on these forums. Just saying.

Edited January 10, 2014 by DrGonzo

[Sidewinder24 103]

good poem!

Name tags are featured in arcade games, like CoD and BF, WoW, etc. The roots of this game are based on tactical, teamwork based simulation. Brutality and cold reality is the name of the game in DayZ.

DayDB is another example of an overpowered utility that gamers use. External communication programs like TS also fall in that category. It would break immersion.

Spawning on friends and seeing their position is, again, a feature of many mainstream arcade games. The goal is to survive with what you have within the game, not having magical locator functionality.

Night time lighting is in progress. Its Alpha.

For all that disagree, their disagreement is based on the type of game this is and the spirit of the gameplay that has been. You spawn in with nothing...no magical floating name tags or map locations...no out of world digital hand holding. Just survive. Otherwise, Left4Dead might be for you.

 

I am 1000% on board with everything you said. I just thought I would try to rhyme out the reasoning of the type of absurd requests these types of players come up with in a hopes of poking fun and parodying their demeanor.

[knifeparty 109]

Lol I think were all on the same side of the argument... take a breather guys. Enjoy yourselves.

[DKR 104]

Oh yea I know dude, I got your sarcastic humor!

....yet there be people that still request those kinds of things so I just wanted to add a non sarcastic explanation of why it's a bad idea for DayZ.

I suppose I didn't make it apparent in my post that I was agreeing with you.

[nereus77 59]

I was reading the forums and encountered a poem,

Other players read it too but they couldn't know 'em,

For what they encountered was someone with wit,

To Sidewinder24 I give more beans than you'll spit!