The strange and bizarre death cult of Kamenka

[ponc 100]

So, I randomly stranded somewhere on the beach of chernarus the other day, like I often use to do, and it happened to be near the lovely town of Kamenka.

As I travelled with me feet, that i have below my waist, to a bridge , which i could see from a far, i suddenly stopped for a second.

Right there, on the edge of that little hill, on which the bridge likes to rest its ends, a man came crawling up from below.

Not only was he crawling, no also was he bleeding.

A lot.

"Oh, good man you are bleeding!" , I unpolitely offered him a little chat.

"Yeah, i know" the crawling man replied, and crawled on past me onto the bridge.

"Oh goodyness, what a lucky day you have, as I luckily happen to be in posession of a bandage!" I continued.

"Ah, no, it's ok" He replied once more.

"Rubbish", I countered, while already opening me handy backpack and getting out the lovely bandageries. "We will have you fixed up in no time, friend."

He headed his crawliness towards the edge of the bridge, maybe he felt sick, so i did my very best to finish the bandages as quick as possible.

"No, what are you doing?? Stop it i want to kill myself" the jolly crawling sportsman yelled.

"Papperlapapp, fool, don't say nasty things you don't mean. Now look here, this looks much better." i toddled him.

But without further ado, there he went, off the bridge and into the depth.

Sadly, this seemed to have taken his very life off of him, as he may not have known.

But as i proceeded to the edge, and took a look down onto my foolish friend, i goosebumped again.

Down there lay 5 bodies! Dead! And in the midst of them: a tent!

As the detective instinct in me ringed, I searched them for clues onto their riddled deaths, but this made the riddle even riddlishier:

All of them got nothing but bandages, a flashlight and painkillers!

And the tent also was packed with the same mysterious ritual goodies!

Now i ask you, oh dear readers of this scientific request:

What is happening at this strange bridge of Kamenka?

Edited March 16, 2013 by ponc

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvzodEzseW8

[svisketyggeren 662]

it has already been explained to u kamenka-lovers that players generally dont wanna start there...its not really that hard to understand....

generally I find it annoying that some players need to share their love for kamenka in fucked up story posts like this one where they say "me feet..."...just because uve found a awsome loot route from kamenka dosent mean it worth of a post on the forum

also video

Edited March 16, 2013 by svisketyggeren

[dulix11 731]

it has already been explained to u kamenka-lovers that players generally dont wanna start there...its not really that hard to understand....

generally I find it annoying that some players need to share their love for kamenka in fucked up story posts like this one where they say "me feet..."...just because uve found a awsome loot route from kamenka dosent mean it worth of a post on the forum

also video

I like the part where he goes "gogogohhooooohohohooogogoooohhhogogohohogoohhoh"

[svisketyggeren 662]

I like the part where he goes "gogogohhooooohohohooogogoooohhhogogohohogoohhoh"

thats pure feelings man...more feelings than justin bieber ever could fart out his hairless ass

[Shrapnell 92]

fuck kamenka

debug plains are a better spawn than that shit

[jubeidok 495]

2 jumps, it took the guy 2 jumps!? I tell you, our cult leaders are really starting to slip with who their letting in these days.

L2J mofo!

[Tek (DayZ) 95]

Lol great post!

[applejaxc 2500]

I want to correct the terrible grammar so bad >.>

[DayzForumer 284]

People dislike spawning in the wonderful kamenka.

[Sutinen 635]

I found the executioner of the cult, he offered me a quick death without asking, in other words, hacked me to death.

If you don't get the joke, fuck you then

[CommodoreFrank 13]

Back when deer stands were more useful, I enjoyed the relative safety of spawning in Kamenka.

[Dreams_Of_Cheese (DayZ) 71]

it has already been explained to u kamenka-lovers that players generally dont wanna start there...its not really that hard to understand....

generally I find it annoying that some players need to share their love for kamenka in fucked up story posts like this one where they say "me feet..."...just because uve found a awsome loot route from kamenka dosent mean it worth of a post on the forum

-videosnip-

I DON'T LIKE THIS POST THE OP MUST BE STUPID BECAUSE I DISAGREE WITH HIM AAAAARRRGHGHGA SFAWGSG AWGDGSDFaASGFsjfa ASFASWFH SHF ASDNX AD

[LaurenDanger 100]

These posts are fun. We need silliness and mythology.

Thus, I emailed *** Mina, my expert on Chernarus history, and this is what she had to say.

Kamenka, is not exciting. But I remembers, I do, papa he tell me story, five hundred year and more past, battle fought when bridge was just wood, small thing over river. Winning army, they know not what to do with prisoners. The leader, he no want to feed them. They cut throats, one by one, and push into river. Prisoners scream for mercy, but none given. Fifty men die, all in pile that choke river, turn it red.

Leader, he move on, bring army home, but on way, men fall ill. Plague spread, and soon, only leader left, alone in wild, lost and mad. He lose way forward, can only follow bodies back to Kamenka. There, villagers see him stand on bridge, raising voice to God and beg forgiveness, offer his life to atone for cruelty. He take long knife, stab into chest and fall into water, giving life in hope of salvation.

Now, plague come again to Chernarus, plague again near Kamenka. Maybe to atone for sin, many hear the voice of old leader, hear the call to offer life, to atone for sins of man and make right the world. Maybe. Is all I know. Ask *** no more, I not remember. Was long ago papa tell story. I rest now. Use computing machine to message after. Signal is no good here where I hide. Green Mountain make strange noise again.

An ancient curse in times of plague and sacrifices to make up for the plague, then. ;)

[svisketyggeren 662]

I DON'T LIKE THIS POST THE OP.....is.... STUPID BECAUSE I DISAGREE WITH HIM AAAAARRRGHGHGA SFAWGSG AWGDGSDFaASGFsjfa ASFASWFH SHF ASDNX AD

fixed that for u

[Hetstaine 10852]

Anyone who can put bandegeries, crawliness, jolly crawling sportsman and riddlishier in one story deserves more beanz than i have to give :beans:

[bloodtrozorx 145]

fixed that for YOU

Fixed that for you.

[ben_c 140]

One day, when this undead blight is scoured from the face of the world, I will return to Kamenka. I'll buy a little farm there, maybe marry a nice Kamenka girl and have little Kamenkanites.

[jk_scowling 44]

It is the most depressing town in all of Chernarus, on top of which, it's the apocalypse.

[toxicsludge 406]

have little Kamenkanites.

I believe they prefer to be called "Kamenkazies", perhaps in reference to everyone committing suicide in their quaint little town. Edited March 19, 2013 by ToxicSludge

[Death_Dealer 3155]

We need moar DayZ myths and legends, I love this stuff!

[sausagekingofchicago 4711]

Deathmatchers hate Kamenka. People that actually head north don't actually mind it.

[BearGravy 53]

I hate spawning in that armpit of the giant world around me in this game. But apparently my game thinks it's a vacation resort. One I have to spawn to almost every game.

[toxicsludge 406]

I'd much prefer to spawn there than Three Valleys. It's not that much of a run to Balota, or loot Christmas if you happen to head north, hitting the deer stands along the way.

[dgeesio 1034]

haha i play with a adhd gamer and when he spawns in on churno we all brace ourselves in Teamspeak for the almighty shit storm if its Kamenka :lol:

funny thing is it always is :lol:

you can just imagine gamers everywhere sitting there fingers crossed patting head rubbing belly at same time chanting " not kamenka, anywhere but that Fing place sweet baby jesus " the black fade in comes and low and behold the sweet place that is kamenki greets you ! :lol: fuuuuuu you stupid game why you spawn me here everytimeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. runs round shooting chopping every animal in sight then jumps off bridge for another ten spawns in kamenka :lol:

finally you spawn in electra and instantly shot by a sniper on hill who hasnt moved since 1989 for his last bowl movement. you then hit abort respawn back in yep you know where you just spawned .......

KAMENKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!