Post your imaginary patch notes that you'd love to see

[patluk@sasktel.net 1]

Lets limit it to 10 things. Make them increasingly optimistic/unrealistic as you go.

[FIXED] Engine optimized in large cities

[NEW] Dangerous, infected animals now spawn in the woods.

[NEW] Gun magazines now show bullets left in the GUI

[FIXED] Vehicle desync issues caused by server lag

[NEW] All new zombie pathing, no more erratic zig-zagging.

[NEW] All new skins engine change allows for custom clothing, armor, hats

[NEW] Blood trails from wounded survivors.

[NEW] New "construction" mechanic for making buildings

[NEW] Added new loot types, "wooden beams" and "Drywall"

[NEW] You need a truck to transport the new construction loot types

[catstyle (DayZ) 6]

Zombies run a little slower (from the uber 1.7.1.1 speed, headshots do count as a 1 hit kill still)

Zombies now spawn(walk) in the woods/fields not many at all and in large areas.

Killing a player have a 35% chance to destroy parts of the loot.

(35% per piece, so every item gets a roll, everything could be ok, but also everything could be destroyed)

Shooting someone in the back with a shotgun will shred his poor backpack wouldnt it?

Fixed/added that arma2 mod that makes it easier to go near houses/corners, so you wont get stuck inside a house if you dont stand up, or stutter around.

[vonlinchen 26]

[FIXED] People bitching on forums

[NEW] Ban hammer for people who don't understand what and alpha is

[patluk@sasktel.net 1]

Yeah there's a lot of people raging pretty hard over I-don't-know-what. I posted this because I thought it was a more interesting "General Discussion" topic than the other threads, and it got promptly buried by hets.

[tdavis 1]

[NEW] Body armor inserts for survivors

[NEW] Melee weapons can be acquired

[NEW] Pit Traps can be dug using the entrenching tools

[NEW] Claymore's can be placed and hidden

[NEW] Trip Wire can be rigged with empty tin cans to make an audio warning of someone approaching you.

[NEW] More randomized crash/accidents in the world so loot can be found outside of major cities.

[FIXED] Crawling through doors doesn't break your legs

[FIXED] Shooting animals in the head (cows) kills them in 1 bullet

[NEW] Optics can be added/removed to weapons

[NEW] Tool kit allows you to thread a weapon barrel to attach a suppressor

[NEW] Suppressors can be found around the world

[NEW] Tree Stands can be placed

[NEW] Gardens can be planted in the world for food supplies

[NEW] Player can scavenge food items from plants in the world (berries, nuts, apple trees, orchards, FARMS).

[NEW] Zombies don't climb ladders, but instead attract other Zeds to amass a large horde at the base of a building.

[NEW] Gun Safes are placed in some houses and can be cracked only with a toolbox

[NEW] Water Proof jackets/pants/shoes can be found to help weather the rain so you don't get sick.

[NEW] Random Spawns around the world.

[NEW] When killing a player/bandit/zed up close the player gets blood spray on their clothes to show that they have murdered something in their past - players will be able to identify this and make a better decision to kill or trust them.

[NEW] Face paint to camouflage yourself.

[NEW] Player's can create Lean/To's for shelter in the woods with tools.

[New] Player's can build small simple structures around themselves to block out the light of a fire in the woods

[NEW] Player's can get burned by fire

[NEW] UAVs can be found and used to recon areas but have limited fuel tanks. (refilled just like cars)

[duddbudda 33]

[NEW]whinging about bugs in an alpha earns a lifetime ban from any and all releases of DayZ and its sequels

[NEW]all military uniforms availible in ARMA II and its sequels can be found

[NEW]Radios

[NEW]moar zeds

[FIXED]zeds cloned from Usain Bolt

[FIXED]suppressed guns unable to fire supersonic rounds, particularly the MP5 SD6, which cannot fire subsonic rounds

[NEW]all common ammo types shared between multiple weapons (9mm Parabellum, 12-gauge, 7.62NATO, 5.45Soviet) can be combined from any mag, clip or ammo box into any compatible magazine, except the M240 and M249 boxes

[NEW]all weapons availible in ARMA are availible in DayZ, with appropriate spawn rates

[NEW]the zed flotilla (cf WWZ), gives boats something to do

[NEW]AN-2 Colt

[NEW]C130-J

[FIXED]bizarrely small numbers of vehicles and bikes on Chernarus' public highways

[NEW]end-game 'escape from chernarus' objectives

[NEW]Disconnecting to avoid death, from players or zombies, spawns a pair of mafia goons at your door. they will bust your kneecaps with sledgehammers whilst asking how you intend to 'disconnect from this'

[NEW]Disconnecting via abort results in an escapable sixty second timeout before leaving

[NEW]alt-F4 results in your avatar spending ten minutes shooting all his ammo straight into the air

well rocket, what are you waiting for?

[Deuzerre 64]

[Fixed] Random but less abrupt Infected pathing.

[New] Infected hordes moving from town to town.

[New] Aggressive wild animals (Not infected. Can give raw meat).

[New+removed] New Mosin-Nagant, removed lee enfield.

[Changed] Military grade ammo spawn.

[New] intermediate Zed speed (On sound, approaching at medium walking speed, on sight: Run)

[Changed] Zed in buildings move at intermediate speed.

[Changed] Ground illuminated by stars/moon at night. Complete dark when cloudy though.

[New] Fake dead Zed: A zombie that doesn't move as if dead, but reacts to survivors attempting to loot it.

[NedEleven 1]

[FIXED] Flares/Chemlights now work properly if the player is holding one while riding a bicycle

[NEW] Zombies can now attack while running

[NEW] Zombies can now run inside certain types of buildings (specifically ones that have lots of room such as warehouses, barns, etc)

[NEW] Pistols/sidearms can now be lowered

[NEW] Added the CDF and Civilian versions of the Mi-17

[NEW] Added the An-2

[NEW] Added various Russian counterparts of existing weapons (ie. AKS-74 PSO as the counterpart to the M16A4 ACOG)

[NEW] Added more "emote" animations such as waving, pointing in a direction, surrendering, as well as many others.

EDIT: One more addition I'd love to see:

[NEW] Added the wrecked Mi-8, a Russian counterpart to the wrecked Venom helicopters. Spawns high-tier Russian weaponry such as the KSVK, AKS-74 NSPU and PKP Pechneg.

[screenshot #1] [screenshot #2] [screenshot #3]

[DuneVIRUS 0]

#8

Agreed with everything especially the Antonov idea

[seawaltz 0]

[NEW] MGS4 Combat/CQC controls :P

[Refried 14]

[NEW] All new zombie pathing' date=' no more erratic zig-zagging.

[/quote']

why do people act like zombies zig-zagging is a "bug"?

i'm pretty sure they are fully intended to do that to prevent laughably easy headshots

[RobbL (DayZ) 26]

[NEW] All new zombie pathing' date=' no more erratic zig-zagging.

[/quote']

why do people act like zombies zig-zagging is a "bug"?

i'm pretty sure they are fully intended to do that to prevent laughably easy headshots

No living organism on that has ever existed on this planet runs like that

[ViNtaGeRiFF 0]

If I'm not mistaken, Robbl, the zombies are dead.

[duddbudda 33]

If I'm not mistaken' date=' Robbl, the zombies are dead.

[/quote']

EFG you so cray cray

[Stealth (DayZ) 3]

**group/team feature (max 5/requires death to begin)**

**killing people now causes murderers to shake till humanity is regained(VERY SLOW)**

**bat and wood plank added to melee weapon list**

**Murderers can be captured and jailed**

[MASKOAA 0]

[NEW] All new zombie pathing' date=' no more erratic zig-zagging.

[/quote']

why do people act like zombies zig-zagging is a "bug"?

i'm pretty sure they are fully intended to do that to prevent laughably easy headshots

No living organism on that has ever existed on this planet runs like that

Try shooting a humming bird.

[Stealth (DayZ) 3]

actually snakes make a zig zag motion when moving

[Virfortis 111]

[NEW] Good chance to find a headlamp in supermarkets, takes up the slot of NVGs but provides flashlight illumination.

[NEW] NVGs now have a limited battery life, use sparingly!

[NEW] Tension system, players spending time near zombies will begin to shake from being too tense. Use cigarettes or campfires to lower tension faster.

[NEW] Players shivering from being in the dark/cold and being stationary for too long. Heatpacks cure the effect temporarily.

[NEW] Forums now optimized to automatically warn players posting "Carebear" and "CoD" with multiple warning issuing a ban.

[FIXED] Nighttime not having a dark blue hue. You can now tell road from grass! (but not more than that)

[Jamskis 0]

[NEW] MGS4 Combat/CQC controls :P

I like the way you think.

[ALICE666 0]

[NEW] MGS4 Combat/CQC controls :P

I like the way you think.

Me too. While we are at it can we get a cardboard box costume too? It be cool if its super rare and can be 100% invisible to zombies. :P

[BL1P 252]

[NEW] Game recognises your age and if your under 18 It bans you.

[NEW] Server hopping for loot causes your character to die.

[NEW] Server hopping to flank a player causes your character to die.

[NEW] Alt + F4 to stop being killed causes your character to die.

[NEW] Weight added to all items.

[NEW] Capacity amount added to all items.

[NEW] Rucksacks use capacity not slots.

[NEW] Stamina added based on carrying weight, speed, weather, health.

[NEW] You can lower your pistol.

[NEW] Bleeding offline kills you.

[NEW] Not Eating or Drinking every 24hrs kills you even if your offline.

[NEW] No HUD.

[NEW] No Kill counters.

[NEW] All servers run in the hardest settings.

[NEW] Peripheral helper spots removed.

[NEW] You have a selection of clothes in the profile.

[NEW] Running into an object at sprint speed will cause damage.

[NEW] Improved CQC movement.

[NEW] All buildings are enterable.

[NEW] Killing others for killings sake has consequences.

[NEW] Player custom faces are independent from player custom sounds.

[NEW] You can now take a snap shot of your face and use it as your face ingame.

[NEW] Every player model shows logo or name if no logo. as an arm patch.

[NEW] Game now uses web cams to track your head for look.

[NEW] Grass is drawn as far as you can see.

[NEW] Objects fade/blur in not magically appear.

[NEW] The game now uses all cores on your PC Perfectly.

[NEW] The game now uses all your ram Perfectly.

[FIXED] Radios in game are not just a model you can pick up (A.C.R.E.).

[MASKOAA 0]

[NEW] Camo Clothing now allows you to move faster up steep inclines(Better boots)

[RobbL (DayZ) 26]

actually snakes make a zig zag motion when moving

Not as flamboyantly as these crazy ass zombies though. Snakes just wiggle their bodies, not dart all over the place like Usain Bolt running through a minefield after snorting a bag of cocaine and downing one too many espressos

[chickenbandit 2]

[NEW]Starting any question in chat with "How" spawns 300 zeds on the player's location.

[Seitan (DayZ) 36]

[NEW] Map borders. Cross the border and you die in 15 secs if you don't turn back.

- It's silly how people drive or fly they're stuf into never never land / oblivion / infinity grass lands.