DayZ Unplayable

[Crowbar Man 7]

I was bored and wanted to play a game. So I thought to myself, Crowbar Man, what is my favorite game? The answer soon came to my mind. Why, DayZ of course!

I wonder why I stopped playing DayZ.......

------------

Derp 1.0

------------

I hop on a server, spawn, grab a gun, skillfully comb through the landscape in Electro in persuit of snipers. I find a sniper wielding a hacked in Thermal AS50 and shoot him in the head. I shoot him 12 times directly in the head. He stands up, turns to me. Looks me straight in the eyes and whispers.... "Noob."

Then every single person in the server instantly drops dead.

------------

Derp 2.0

------------

As I sit there mouth a gap staring at the kill screen I think to myself.."Surely that was a one time occurance. I'll join another server and begin again." I join a nice looking server, spawn, grab a gun and proceed down the road to Electro. Once I arrive I skillfully maneuver the terrain combing the landscape for snipers. I locate one and pump a generous helping of lead in to his brain.

In response to this he stands up and turns to me. He then looks off to one side and 3 Helicopters appear out of thin air. He walks over to one, all the while being shot in the head, lifts himself into the cockpit and flies away.

I stand there, a bit uneased by the fact that bullets no longer appear to have any effect when launched at high velocity through a human brain. While reflecting on this matter a Helicopter crashes in to me and I disintegrate.

------------

Derp 3.0

------------

I've never been one for superstition but fuck it. Third time's the charm. I load in, grab a gun, run off to Electro, get hungry, find a cow, shoot it in the head.

The cow turns to look me in the eyes. I already know what's coming....He opens his bovine mouth and utters a single word.

"Noob."

Everyone on the server instantly dies and the server shuts down. "Hmm," I think to myself. "Well, at least I remember why I stopped playing DayZ."

[Man vs Wild 313]

Hmm tip stay away from electro

[Zombie Jesus 723]

The second and third one (obviously a joke) were funny, maybe you should hop on half life 3 to ease your pain.

[Crowbar Man 7]

The second and third one (obviously a joke) were funny, maybe you should hop on half life 3 to ease your pain.

This story was no fabrication. These events actually happened to me.

[NaturaI 15]

Here's a tip, stick to whitelisted Private Hives.

Derp?

[a_typical_noob 651]

These fabricated tales are entertaining, indeed.

[Swineflew 480]

I was hunting snipers in electro and killed one. All of a sudden secret service busts down my door and I get arrested. President Obama walks in, says I killed his character and punches me in the stomach. He leans in close and whispers

"Noob"

Gets in his chopper and flies away.

True story.

[4L4N 276]

Derp 1 and 2 I can believe, but if you had have been frapsing Derp 3.0 thats a half million views right there :lol:

[BreakdanceJesus 3]

i agree with only playing private hive servers with active admins. There are even some that are trying to use an anti- battle logging script that forces survivors to wait 30 seconds before their character disappears after logging out. Your #3 example reminds me of something that happened to a friend while we were LAN'ing. He hears sniper shots coming from a small hill outside Cherno. Patiently crawling/rolling over to the hill, he finds no one.. at first. He turns around to look back up to the crest of the hill. There is a German Shepherd standing there, 3 feet behind him. As he sits there befuddled, the dog, (apparently a member of Hezbollah) explodes with the force of a satchel charge, and my buddies body goes flying backwards 30m. In the end, all either of us could do is laugh... If your going to get hack killed, it might as well be entertaining.

[Stafoo 61]

I was in Cherno a few days ago I had just gotten a AK-74 Kobra and was heading to the hospital for some morphine and Blood bags to get ready for some PvP action. Anyway I get to the hospital and Derp forgot a tin can so I just shot the windows, then all of a sudden the building turns around and whispers.

"Noob"

Then the whole server died.

Based on a true story.

[electroban 102]

Seriously this game isn't worth playing as it is.

The standalone is a cash grab;- what a couple of extra buildings and the promise that hacking won't even be completley eliminated.

Not to mention there's zero late game in this game except to group up and go gang banging, or run around in circles in a forest.

[Angryofficer 89]

I read this story and the other ones, and laughed so hard I fell off my chair and hit my desk. My desk slowly turned around and whispered..

Wait for it.

"Noob"

Then everyone on planet earth died and god restarted the server.

trustori

[Zombie Jesus 723]

This story was no fabrication. These events actually happened to me.

So the cow looked at you? The other two have happened to me before, but never the cow one. I did turn into a goat once though so I know they might still be able put an animal skin on, but I would ask was the cow moving weird if not that is one patient hacker.

Seriously this game isn't worth playing as it is.

The standalone is a cash grab;- what a couple of extra buildings and the promise that hacking won't even be completley eliminated.

Not to mention there's zero late game in this game except to group up and go gang banging, or run around in circles in a forest.

Dude Electroban is still on this forum infecting people with his absurd stupidity, man I was hoping I would never have to lose another brain cell due to your idiotic posts but here you are smashing that hope.

[nikiller 122]

hi,

Play on a private hive with active admin, BE and anit-hax. Period.

cya.

Nikiller.

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

I would only stop playing dayz if my hands and feet were mauled off while I defended a small child from a bear attack in the wilderness and survived. This would be from lack of funds to buy proper prosthetics.

[smore98 225]

Tis just a game, and a fine one at that.

You have the free-will to stop playing, and I will respect your decision.

But with all due respect, I will never stop playing DayZ, no matter what happens.

[Slickback (DayZ) 21]

LOL why you gotta lie

[dale0404 16]

Loving this thread!!!

[Penny Sue 77]

... butt fuck it...

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

I'd stop eating and drinking before I stopped playing dayz

[a_typical_noob 651]

I would only stop playing dayz if my hands and feet were mauled off while I defended a small child from a bear attack in the wilderness and survived. This would be from lack of funds to buy proper prosthetics.

Do you think it would be cheating if a team of surgeons and scientists were able to attach very fast, self sustaining, intelligent cyber arms onto your nubs?

Seriously, you would probably be pretty awesome at not only Dayz, but pretty much all games.

Is that considered hax? I can't find any anti-cyborg rules in the ToS. I think you should do it.

DO IT!!!

[Hetstaine 10852]

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Do you think it would be cheating if a team of surgeons and scientists were able to attach very fast, self sustaining, intelligent cyber arms onto your nubs?

Seriously, you would probably be pretty awesome at not only Dayz, but pretty much all games.

Is that considered hax? I can't find any anti-cyborg rules in the ToS. I think you should do it.

DO IT!!!

I'm planning a camping trip.

1.condoms

2.whiskey

3.Ice and computer parts

4.mad scientist with tools to repair my limbs

5.hetstaine

6.one random child lost in the woods

7.Grizzly bear

9.hetstaine

I think were ready to do this

[tommes 331]

Go private hive till the hacking situation is at bay.

[a_typical_noob 651]

I'm planning a camping trip.

1.condoms

2.whiskey

3.Ice and computer parts

4.mad scientist with tools to repair my limbs

5.hetstaine

6.one random child lost in the woods

7.Grizzly bear

9.hetstaine

I think were ready to do this

I think this is going to be one of those turning points in your life where you look back one day and say, "That's the day I started living! That's the day I REALLY started living!".

And then you recede into a dark room and play video games like the crazed cyborg you have become.

You're welcome!

Also, BEANZ!