Ax-Murder stories. (+ discussion)

[Dr.Lyme 88]

The title says it all.

How many limbs have you chopped off?

How many Sniper kiddies have you humiliated?

(Crowbars count as well.)

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I'd like to hear your funniest, most glorious, most humiliating "Heeeeere's Johnny!" Style moments. Chop Chop Chop.

Beans for psychotic laughter.

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Something tells me this is going to get really silly, really fast.

[Sentinal (DayZ) 20]

I have a few little cases of 'HERE'S JOHNNY' occurring in game. I am an anti bandit, people who bandit generally die to me and sometimes I have a bit of fun killing the fools who underestimate a lone survivor.

Firstly there was this sniper who sat on the school in Electro popping people as they ran around. I snuck up behind him with my hatchet out and said 'So you wan't to kill people... HOW BOUT NO' as I hacked him to death. I just started and I already had my free enfield.

Secondly me and a friend were at Balota in the hangers when we saw someone run past, we followed him trying to determine if he was a bandit or a survivor and as we rounded the corner we couldn't see him, and then I saw him rush out from seemingly nowhere and just hack my friend down before he even saw him, I killed him within seconds and healed up my friend but it was still freaky just because he just seemed to appear and start hacking.

Finally and most hilariously was my Electro crowbar hunt, Me and my friend (the same one that got axed) were in Electro hospital and we were ambushed by someone in with an AK, my friend died straight away and a bunch of zeds aggro'd onto the shooter so he started running. I (armed with a crowbar) sprinted at him along with the zeds while screaming at him 'You think you can shoot people and just walk away', 'You wan't to live in a world where people shoot other people for fun', 'What do you think you are doing' while laughing like crazy and chasing him, bludgeoning him to death with the trusty iron. The most fun I have ever had in Dayz to date.

[Kallos S.B.K 1]

Finally and most hilariously was my Electro crowbar hunt, Me and my friend (the same one that got axed) were in Electro hospital and we were ambushed by someone in with an AK, my friend died straight away and a bunch of zeds aggro'd onto the shooter so he started running. I (armed with a crowbar) sprinted at him along with the zeds while screaming at him 'You think you can shoot people and just walk away', 'You wan't to live in a world where people shoot other people for fun', 'What do you think you are doing' while laughing like crazy and chasing him, bludgeoning him to death with the trusty iron. The most fun I have ever had in Dayz to date.

you my freind are realy fucked up

[Dr.Lyme 88]

you my friend are really fucked up awesome.

[Dr.Lyme 88]

I have to say my most (two) glorious melee weapon moment would have to be:

I had just been killed in a fire fight and was therefore a new spawn in electro. After exploring for a couple of minutes I nabbed myself a fire ax and decided to loot the firehouse. It just so happens, there was an unarmed fellow sporting a bandit skin. After crying friendly for a moment (this occurred long before I went bandit and still thought crying friendly could help me.) I realized that he was unarmed, and sporting a terrorist rag.

“This is what you get for killing those people!”

“How’s about a taste of your own medicine!”

“This is how it feels to those people you killed, you scuuuum!”

The chase and psychotic taunting lasted about three minutes before he alt-f4’d

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My seconded (best) ax-time-fun-time story also happened in electro, where in a De-sync. I slashed the tires and killed the driver of a costal party bus. The confused (fresh-spawn) passengers wondered where their driver had gone, and why he had logged.

I quieted their questions with one line:

“I am your driver now, welcome to the rape bus”

I had planned on driving it off sniper hill, but I was shot out by a sniper before I left town.

[Dreadsauce 22]

Dreadsauce stumbled south out of the Balota airfield, axe clutched tightly in his hand. The world had gone black and white, everything was a blurry haze. His freshly bandaged wounds oozed blood and his head felt as if it were filled with helium. He leaned against the wall of a warehouse, catching his breath for a moment and resisting the urge to vomit.

He had wandered into the airstrip looking for guns and beans. What he had gotten was a firefight that left him barely alive. The opposing parties had slaughtered each other; he was one of several people caught up in the crossfire.

Taking a breath, Dreadsauce pushed off of the warehouse wall. He circled around, turning a corner and slinking in.

He froze.

There stood on the opposite end a man with a military-issue shotgun and an ALICE pack. Dread's eyes narrowed; he knew better than to stand idly by. With a delirious roar, he charged.

Shotgun Sam looked to the charging axe murderer, waving. "Hi."

Dreadsauce cocked his weapon back, screaming. "BEANS! I WANT YOUR BEANS!"

Shotgun Sam blinked as the cold steel slammed into his ribs. Backpedaling frantically he raised his shotgun. Before he could fire, Dreadsauce swerved around him, knocking the shotgun out of his hands and proceeding to outright butcher him, axing his face and chest again and again and again.

As this occured, Shotgun Sam's friend, Makarov Manny, darted into the warehouse. He paused in horror was he watched Dreadsauce brutalize his friend.

"Axe guy. What are you doing. Axe guy. Stahp."

Dreadsauce paused, looking up from the pile of hamburger meat that was once Shotgun Sam. There was a moment's pause. Makarov Manny raised his namesake, Dreadsauce readied his axe and charged, letting loose a horrifying roar.

"BEEEEEAAAAANNNNNSSSS!"

Manny fired several rounds into Dreadsauce, but he would not be felled. With a scream he set himself upon Manny, hacking and chopping, chopping and hacking.

When Manny stopped twitching, Dreadsauce finally relaxed, settling down into a pile of rubble. His wounds were too great, the exertions too much. Dreadsauce closed his eyes, cradling his trusty hatchet, drifting off into eternal sleep.

(TL;DR I cornered two people in the warehouse by Balota while I was at 3k blood. Both had guns and gear, I hacked them to death. Lag prevented me from bandaging myself so I died.)

[hL.XTakenotes 0]

my newest montage made today hL. clan

[Dr.Lyme 88]

my newest montage made today hL. clan

That was funny, but I could really go without the asshole music.

[DrunkPunk 159]

One day, after dying to a hacker, I ended up in Cherno. Here's how it went down. Pay particularly close attention to the conversation going on as soon as this video starts, as it is what clued me in and the irony.... oh, the irony....

and here's another one, more of an axe fail, but man this was good times regardless. I don't know why I left so much of us just driving with a dirtbike in. But I did.

Edited October 6, 2012 by DrunkPunk

[Dr.Lyme 88]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSUxD3EIDRE&feature=plcp Oh god, i'm such an asshole.

[Goggalor 191]

In my several months of playing I've stuck with playing the neutral, solo survivor, but lately I've been itching to try out the ax-wielding psychopath lifestyle. It looks like so much fun.

[Dr.Lyme 88]

In my several months of playing I've stuck with playing the neutral, solo survivor, but lately I've been itching to try out the ax-wielding psychopath lifestyle. It looks like so much fun.

Oh it is, rewarding as well. I logged off at a enemy's camp the other night (After looking threw his tents and finding nothing); and when I came back in the following day, I noticed a light just up the hill (it was night time). "Hmm" I thought to myself; "I wonder who that could be?" Venturing up the hill, I saw a Jeep parked carelessly with the headlights left on. "Oh, I could always use another once of these." I pondered. "And adding another to my personal collection will be all the more satisfying; knowing it was stolen from an enemy." So, I walked around to the driver's side of the vehicle, hatchet in hand. (I had been tipped off of the location just after I was beached from a firefight that went bad) "Oh look who it is!" I shout over direct as I hatchet the fully geared player to the ground. He had no time to react, as he was looking in the gear of the vehicle; so he tried to combat log. Luckily for me, (and unluckily for him) he had already sustained far to much damage to survive, and died as soon as he logged back in.

I was accused of being a hacker for about 15 minutes until he was manual kicked for trying to use scripts himself.

[Goggalor 191]

I had my first ax murder last night. I was freshly spawned after a hacker killed me. I spawned in Kamenka and quickly found an ax. As I was strolling down the beach towards Cherno I came across a couple of unarmed survivors running from a horde of zombies and I told them to run to dock for safety. They listened and sat there while I hacked the zombies to pieces. The three of us started off together and they were being careless and attracted another horde. I saved them yet again, but as I was finishing off the last two or three one of the survivors insulted my ax-wielding abilities. He told me I needed some practice. This set me off. I had risked my own life twice to keep this guy alive and he had the nerve to mock me. I ignored the last zombie and turned my bloodied blade towards him. I put him to the ground and walked away as that final zombie silenced his angry cries. I let his friend go and warned him to never insult a man with an ax.

[Mr.magical 8]

I was a fresh spawn walking up the coast just past solnichy. I saw one of those small train platform buildings that often have hatchets. I walked up and as luck would have it i found one. as i stepped off the platform around the corner not 2 metres away was another survivor in camo clothes sporting a dmr. We both froze for a second. This being night and with only 8 people on we were surprised to almost walk into another. I reacted first, rushing him, my first swing breaking his legs with an almighty crack. Falling to the floor he began to fire his dmr but i was running in circles around him franticly trying to kill him. His fire attracted some zobmies and he got a lucky shot off breaking my legs. As i go down the zombies agro me of course, not the guy shooting. One mike tyson punch later im out and being eaten to death. I was sad that i hadnt managed to kill him but it was heart pumping nonetheless. I respawn figuring he must have managed to fix himself up but to my surprise 1 minute later he dies! Being not far away i sprint to the location of our epic strugle to find all corpses intact and untouched. I scored well that night, nvgs, gps full tools, dmr and cco sd.

Edited October 12, 2012 by Mr.magical

[huckorris 0]

Yesterday, after months of playing, I won my first hatchet battle. Pretty sad, isn't it ?

I logged back in near a bike in Kamenka and some psycho starts chasing me with a hatchet. BTW on this server, a hatchet is part of the starting loadout. He chased me and I realized he wasn't going to quit. Dodged his axe blows and hit him twice, killing him.

I hop triumphantly on my bike and start riding away in my newly acquired bandit skin when someone calls me out to hatchet battle for the bike. "Naw, bro, I just earned it in a hatchet battle." A minute later he is hatcheted to death by someone else. I tell that guy that the prize he deserves is a pbx near the lighthouse.

Edited October 13, 2012 by HuckOrris

[a_typical_noob 651]

I had a good one the other day.

I was in the process of looting the Supermarket in Cherno when I saw someone run past the store front windows with about five infected right behind him. I yelled "FRIENDLY" over direct chat and told him to come through the front doors and that I'd take the zeds out for him.

He foolishly listened to me. After he ran into the store and past me, he watched me take out the group one by one with my 1911 because he was totally UN-armed. He thanked me and I said "any time".

He was bleeding so I gave him a bandage and some sardines. After he bandaged and fed himself I told him about the shiny new 1911 that was sitting on the ground in the back room. He was excited, saying he'd been looking "all over" for a weapon, lol.

I followed him to the storeroom, pausing momentarily to pull out my hatchet. I approached him slowly as he was retrieving the weapon/messing with his gear. I got right behind him and said "Can I axe you a question?" He said yes, oblivious to the morbid hint I had just given him of his impending doom.

I hit him repeatedly while screaming "WHY DID YOU TRUST ME?!?!" He never saw it coming. I tried to eat him, but for some strange reason this game doesn't allow cannibalism.

[a_typical_noob 651]

Sorry, shitty phone.

Edited October 15, 2012 by A_Typical_Noob

[a_typical_noob 651]

Sorry again.

Edited October 15, 2012 by A_Typical_Noob

[a_typical_noob 651]

And again...

Edited October 15, 2012 by A_Typical_Noob