Burlap bonehead

[LeeHarveyEnfield 311]

'He sounds awfully upset Beansy' I say, 'Look at him laying there in the gutter like the trash that he is.' 'Yep, he's a right proper grumpy guts' chuckles Beansy.

 

The fool is droning away in the unmistakable nasal whine of the born loser, something about kill on sighters ruining dayz and how we should all 'fu*k off back to COD'

 

'Keep on crying loser' beansy sniggers 'you never know, we might take pity on yer.' Beansy bends over the wretch and starts punching his face until he adopts the unconscious position, this buys us a well deserved moments silence.

 

It all began an hour or so before in Svet, Beansy and I were camping by the train tracks waiting for a suitably well geared halfwit to kill and rob, Beansy had recently died and understandably, we couldn't be bothered to loot him back to full gear status, why anyone would waste time and energy searching for gear is beyond our comprehension when, with a little time and patience, all the gear you could ever need will eventually come to you.

 

We were just considering switching to another server when our 'friend' arrived, Mosin on his back, axe in his hands and a lovely hand crafted burlap back pack, we just knew this guy was kitted for survival. 'OK Beansy, go get him' I urged, 'Righto' came the chirpy reply and off he skipped.

 

We always play this the same way, the least geared of us approaches the target and attempts to engage him in a 'friendly' conversation, the way things play out depends on our target, if they seem pliable and docile we lure them away with promises of adventure and murder him in the woods or, if he seems a little high spirited and aggressive the one of us in hiding fills him with lead while he tries to kill the other.

 

I was crouched behind one of the wagons shamelessly exploiting 3rd person to keep an eye on events and I watched as Beansy ran out and raised his hands 'hey man, are you friendly?' he asked, our dupe stopped and turned around, 'Hello there' he said in a kind voice, 'do you need anything?'

 

Beansy is outstanding at playing the dumb noob and on this occasion he truly outdid even his own high standards. 'I am looking for the airport mate, I got attacked by zombies and I have low blood.'

 

No mark - 'do you need some food?'

Beansy - 'oh yes please if you have some to spare'

No mark - 'do you know what blood type you are?'

Beansy - 'no, how do I find out?'

No mark - 'I have a testing kit, lets get out of the open and we'll see if we can fix you up'

Beansy - 'cheers dude, I was scared you would kill me haha'

No mark - 'Not me mate, I am friendly unless attacked'

 

As they were conducting this little interaction I was replacing my mag with a full one and had left the wagon, I was prone crawling along the tracks to get a little closer.

 

Beansy was laughing in teamspeak 'he's a right mug, this is too easy'. 'He ain't dead yet' I cautioned, stay focused and tell him to follow you to the station.

 

Beansy - 'Lets go into the station'

No mark - 'sure, be careful there is a zombie round the back'

Beansy - 'oh, ok, cheers'

 

As they crossed the tracks I slipped into 1st person and  trained my trusty AKM under the carriage and onto our blissfully oblivious target, held my breath and squeezed the trigger, a short burst smashed into his legs and down he went, not dead but ultimately out of the game, Beansy being Beansy was now beside himself with glee and was already mocking our prey.

 

I jogged up behind him and instructed him to 'stay still and all will be fine' but the way Beansy was laughing and skipping around excitedly while shouting some of his most imaginative and soul destroying insults I think he realised his game was coming to an end.

 

And that brings us back to where our story began, a cretin laying in his own blood, anger and shock and surprise no doubt being felt acutely by the human being who was staring at a monitor somewhere, who cares where, helpless as he stares blankly at a blackened screen and listens to the joyous  celebrations and merciless ridicule as expressed by his vanquishers.

 

Eventually Beansy ended it, he took a .45 from the unconscious no marks holster and, after calling him a few choice names, double tapped his empty skull. Moments later a similarly named player left the server, his signature, just like his characters life, had simply timed out.

Edited July 13, 2014 by LeeHarveyEnfield

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Welcome back.

[hombrecz 832]

Welcome back.

 

Was this guy banned or something?

Not that I would be very surprised if he was.

[blissandpanic 92]

Inb4 hero vs. bandit flame war...

[Macdeth 176]

The way it so often is, cruelty reigns.

[IReadTheAgreement 313]

I hate your play style, but I have to admit I enjoy your posts.

[Shrub Rocketeer ™ 879]

HAHA another good one story from famous bandit of dayz I put frend request please accept is sound like Beany is good frend for you same like my frend is loyal for me but don't like other player what he don't know. is great game for make frend and enemy is why I love to play but if you don't have frend is very alone when you playing and I get scare from other player if I don't know because wvwn good guy sometime doing kill from fear

[hiniberus 122]

To a point, I've come to realize that even when someone claims to have a friendly demenour, there's still a face behind a monitor that you can't see that'd probably be grinning at the aspect of decieving someone and shamelessly gunning them down just whenever. So I follow in similar footsteps mah'good sah.

[hombrecz 832]

What I find unsettling isn't the ingame murder, but rather the slander that often follows.

I mean you killed or knocked out the dude, all his stuff and his life is yours, why calling him names?

 

Oh those kids nowadays.

Edited July 14, 2014 by Hombre

[Jesterarts 85]

Easy to name call when someone can't do anything about it.

The OP and his buddy seem too chicken shit to reveal their game to the victim before they have killed their victim.

If they had any balls, the situation would play out the same aside from the end, where they would hold up the victim and give then a choice; drop everything or die.

I would respect that play style. What these two do makes them lower then the 'loser' they killed.

Each to their own I guess, the game does need losers like these two to keep everyone on their toes.

Edited July 14, 2014 by Jesterarts

[Parazight 1594]

Murder is totally justified if it births a good story!  Beans with beans on top of it!!

[airborneguy 93]

Very cowardice playstyle. What server does the OP play on?

[Cap'n (DayZ) 1827]

The mocking gets old. What do people see in these "stories".

[irl-calibre 744]

"There is some movement near the bait"

[BadAsh (DayZ) 1513]

The mocking gets old. What do people see in these "stories".

 

The OP is fiction, a mere wishful fantasy. Can be seen already from the beginning with the claim that knocking out his hostage silenced him. Knocked out players can still partake in ingame voicespeak.

 

Well written fan fiction though. The guy has talent for writing, even with the somewhat childish mentality,

[Death By Crowbar 1213]

Great read!

 

... and a reason why KOS is always justifiable, even when dealing with those who look like Bambis. You never know... I think it takes a lot more balls to play the friendly and that's why fewer and fewer people do it. I like the hero clans that search and destroy "fishermen", "KOSers", "snipers", and "Death Squads".

[mercules 1290]

I hate your play style, but I have to admit I enjoy your posts.

 

I have no issue with his playstyle but I still can't believe anyone enjoys his poorly written simplistic stories. 

 

The guy has talent for writing, even with the somewhat childish mentality,

WTH? You need to read more. The crappy free novels in the Kindle store are typically better written than anything I have seen him post. 

[AlphaDogMeat . 493]

TL;DR:  Something about calling someone else names in a computer game.

[IReadTheAgreement 313]

I have no issue with his playstyle but I still can't believe anyone enjoys his poorly written simplistic stories. 

 

WTH? You need to read more. The crappy free novels in the Kindle store are typically better written than anything I have seen him post. 

 

Relax.  It's not like anyone is awarding him the Pulitzer.  Just something different on these forums that some posters find mildly entertaining.