My First Day With DayZ Standalone.

[tpike1caesar 7]

 As I load up I am discusted by the dreadful "Times New Roman", but I manage to continue without collapsing in pain.

I load up as a black woman with the brightest clothes possible,

unfortunately while in Kamenka I was noticed, then ambushed by another crazed black woman wielding a rusty kitchen knife. At this point it looks more like DetroitZ: Shankalone. I managed to get away and recover in the town next to Balota. I think to myself "Damn, where all the zombies at?"

I then see a lone zombie, and armed, with only my fire extinguisher I decide to eliminate the threat. Running at it, screaming "COME AND GET SOME YA LIMP D*** F*****!" 

engaging in an epic battle.

 

Soon the zombie lay dead and I have multiple fountains of blood flowing out of my body. I take my shirt off (ooh, kinky) to make a bandage, and I heal myself up.

Now my entire screen looks like a movie from the 1940's, and i'm shaking uncontrollably. So I run inside a building and hide. My character continues to b*tch about how shes about to die of starvation. So I look around the building for food, all I find are handcuffs (ooh, kinky again), and a rotten kiwi. I decide to take my chances with the kiwi. Yeah.... not a good idea.

 

I begin to vomit uncontrollably, and losing blood quickly. I pass out and die in a pool of vomit in a random persons house.

 

Only in DayZ Standalone can you die from food poisoning in a bandit riddled, zombie apocalypse.

[kevsta545 451]

Lol, the way you worded that story was brilliant! +1

[Korsbaek 1778]

Never eat rotten fruit... Ever.