The dumbest/funniest things you've seen in DayZ?

[lkummer 4]

I spawned on Elektro, than I saw a bus coming, he picked some people up.

After 30 minutes when I was on Dorby (a mountain near Elektro) I heard gun shots.

I used the Binoculars I found to watch them getting out of the bus and firing to the air.

After about 10 seconds one of them "missed" the sky and killed someone, than anyone there tried to kill him.

They missed that guy so many times, only 2 people left after this, and one of these 2 people threw a grenade on the bus and they died.

This was the dumbest thing I have seen in DayZ.

[timboski 618]

Playing DayZ 2017 last night and had geared up pretty decent. I was hiding in the rocks at the side or the road near Otmel looking for delicious survivors to kill and cook (I was sick from eating too many Zeds). Anyhoo one particular rock decided I looked pretty tasty too and before I knew it my guy was spinning rapidly in circles being devoured by it. With a snapping of bones and cry of pain I was no more. Luckily I spawned just down the coast a bit so I high tailed it back to my body, gutted myself and was soon on my merry way.

[shatter 55]

short but quite funny in my opinion

[deceitfulburger 43]

Playing DayZ 2017 last night and had geared up pretty decent. I was hiding in the rocks at the side or the road near Otmel looking for delicious survivors to kill and cook (I was sick from eating too many Zeds). Anyhoo one particular rock decided I looked pretty tasty too and before I knew it my guy was spinning rapidly in circles being devoured by it. With a snapping of bones and cry of pain I was no more. Luckily I spawned just down the coast a bit so I high tailed it back to my body, gutted myself and was soon on my merry way.

Tasty..

[Comrade Mrki 3]

Young and old, gather round and listen to this incredible (long) story. (featuring 3 extreme morons)

I haven't played DayZ for several months, because hackers have ruined the game for me. But lo and behold, wild whitelisted servers appear. So I do some reading, I liked what I have seen, and I get back into hacker free quest for the holy Frank n Beans.

First spawn after months long break, (day after yesterday) I spawn east of Prigorodky and decide to loot it before heading east, because I have never liked Cherno (the fact people are screaming in global that someone is sniping them there had nothing with my decision, honest! :).

So I start with the looting, I check all the sheds and train station and I turn up with a 1911, 2 cans of pepsi and a can of beans. I think to myself, not bad for a 10 min old character. I proceed carefully toward the black wooden building, I get in and I see a corpse in it, with an Alice pack. In his death, unnamed hero, made me happiest survivor out there.

Entire time, side chat is burning with insults toward a guy called Machete that keep killing fresh spawns with a hatchet west of Elektro. I leave it be, being a safe distance from them.

So I loot the dead guy, get some drink, food, and basic gear, and start to proceed slowly and carefully toward northern woods.

Smartest thing I can do right there is to head inland, but noooo, I decide to check Elektro first, get more gear, get some guns off the stations, med supplies, glutton in me awakens....

>>>Meanwhile<<<

Machete: YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE MACHETE!!!!

Random guy1: YOU FAG

Random guy2: STOP KILLING FRESH SPAWNS

Random guy3: I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD

So I start heading toward electro, but to avoid the circus that is apparently happening on the road there, I keep to the woods, over the hills, planning to hit the barn, north fire station, then work my way into electro hospital, and after that, journey north.

"Angry Mechanic" aka Moron #1

So I drag my ass through the woods, side chat is full of insults in caps, but I ignore it because I am safe up in the hills. About half way there, I stop for a moment because I could swear I could hear a car. It was raining, so it could be my imagination, but anyway, I take my time to scout the area around me more carefully. I creep up to the edge of the forest, and I can see that I am right at the road going north to Pusta, and beside it, that piece of junk Skoda, and a guy repairing it.

I scan the surroundings, but no one is covering the guy, and he is so into it that he is not paying attention to anything else. Must be some kind Skoda fanatic, I think to myself. I take out my 1911, I creep up to him, and tell him on local to relax, that I am not going to kill him, but that he need to stay faced away from me. He reply in English even worst than mine: FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

So... I loot his body, get me a Winchester, food, water, basic loot in general. I get in the car to check it out, and I notice that it is badly damaged with very low fuel. So I leave it behind, not wanting to bother with it.

I proceed with my plan. I get to Elektro, I scout it for several minutes than start mowing towards it. I check barn, nothing, I check power station, nothing. Still happy with the gear I have I decide to avoid school, bar and church, get med supplies, and fuck off as soon as possible.

I get to the hospital, I check the box behind it first, and find couple morphines, some bandages, blood bags, everything I could possibly need. I pick it up fast, and start heading out. And then all hell breaks loose... All of the sudden I can hear DMR from the north east hill, small arms fire just around the corner to the east, a guy running past me with about 200 zombies on his ass, in short, I was in a John Woo movie.

Somehow I manage to sneak my way west of town, unharmed.

"Honest Abe" aka Moron #2

My plan now is to get out of dodge as fast as I can. I have everything I need for the trip north, I just have to be fast. I am hugging every building I can, trying to get westward a bit before running for the woods, trying to figure out where snipers are. Then, a most peculiar thing happens.

I hear some running, screams, bones being broken, and at the end, flies, not 20 meters from me, just on the other side of building. I carefully lean around the corner (no, there is no third person on this server) and I can see a guy, wielding an axe, over a dead body. He spots me immediately, he notices that I have a Winchester aimed at his face and he TYPES in local:

MACHETE: Friendly!

So, I check his body, get another can of beans and proceed with my plan.

"A SPECIAL kind of moron" aka Moron #3, aka yours truly.

It has been 2 days after I spawned, still alive. Looted everything except NV airfield, not that I didn't try though, but I don't like being sniped in the face with .50 cal. All in all fun times. Wandered on 2 guys sitting around a campfire on top of green mountain last night, I chose not to shoot them, and they return my trust in human kind. We had some laughs, some beans, some coke. Good times. They give me a ride to NE airstrip, we find absolutely nothing, so they give me a CCO as a thank you for not being a dick. And we part ways.

As a working man, I can maybe catch 1 hour of daylight in game, but tonight I log back in somewhere north of Polana, a bit later in the evening. I say somewhere, because I still don't have a damned compass. So I start finding my bearings, I open the map and start heading towards Stary, on a quest for any kind of sniper rifle, checking dearstands on the way.

I creep up on the first deer-stand just north west of Polana, i bump into the crotch of a military zombie, because I couldn't see or hear shit, it was raining, and its pitch black. I somehow manage to take him out with my trusted 1911, but the bastard breaks my leg. Desperate I open my inventory and BEHOLD a morphine injector, that trip to Elektro was not in vain. So I patch myself up, I get to the deer-stand and I can hear flies.

I sit in a bush for good 5 minutes, zombies that I can't see are grunting all around me, and then it gets to me, if there is a sniper out there, he would have picked me off by now. So I proceed toward the deer-stand. At the bottom of it, a corpse. In camo, with a FUCKING DMR on him. I pick it up, get ammo, food, A BEAR TRAP, but no compass, ffs.

So I am standing there, and thinking of the ultimate trolling I can unleash right now. I am not a dick, but sometimes that devil on your shoulder prevails. So I devise a cunning plan to set up a trap right under the leader up to a dear-stand, sit in back, and wait for a potential victim. So I get to the ladder, I activate the trap, and POOF! INSTANT KARMA! It breaks my legs......

I open my inventory, and I realise that I used morphine just 5 minutes ago. So I lie there in the dark, trying to figure out what a fuck am i going to do. It's dark, i have no NV, I have no compass, my legs are broken. Suicide by nearby zombies is not an option, so I bite the bullet and start CRAWLING toward Berezino Hospital, through the dark, without compass, and yea, it was raining. Like a fucking Tolstoy wrote it.

Hour and a half later I wander (I use "wander" quite freely here) onto Dubrovka. Fuck, I missed it by miles, I went north instead of north east, but at least its downhill from here, so i cant miss it.

Another HOUR later I am on some road near Berezino, well, I think I am, so I pop a flare at the nearby road sign, because it is still pitch black, and I can't see shit, just a black shape of the sign. I miss it by 30 meters, cursing. I try to throw another, but I fire my gun instead. GREAT, now I have no more flares, I can't see the writing on a god damned sign right in front of me.

Desparate, I open my inventory, with just traces of hope. No flares ofc, i open my pack, and I yell in excitement (I actually yelled). I transfer the flare from backpack to the inventory, all happy and shit, and then I see it. Resting in my Alice pack, laughing at me and my stupidity, A... MORPHINE... INJECTOR!

There you go. Now you can all feel a lot better about yourselves. Sorry about the long post, I kept it as short as possible. And sorry about my English.

Have a nice day(Z).

The Moron

[Skadefr0en 61]

On some public server yesterday, I was the only one player. Did'nt notice half the sky was burning in flames behind me and slowly eating everything on it's way, eventually me too.

...And right up to the point where I turned around and realized something was definately wrong, I was blaming Bohemia Interactive for not making a better sunset! :D

[TruckingBucket 10]

Well everytime my friend gets a atv in takistan life, we like to mess around and its flips and flys around in random directions. It makes me laugh so hard, its so glitched.

Edit: Well its not dayz, but the same thing applys to dayz so yeah.

Edited January 22, 2013 by TruckingBucket

[deceitfulburger 43]

Young and old, gather round and listen to this incredible (long) story. (featuring 3 extreme morons)

I haven't played DayZ for several months, because hackers have ruined the game for me. But lo and behold, wild whitelisted servers appear. So I do some reading, I liked what I have seen, and I get back into hacker free quest for the holy Frank n Beans.

First spawn after months long break, (day after yesterday) I spawn east of Prigorodky and decide to loot it before heading east, because I have never liked Cherno (the fact people are screaming in global that someone is sniping them there had nothing with my decision, honest! :).

So I start with the looting, I check all the sheds and train station and I turn up with a 1911, 2 cans of pepsi and a can of beans. I think to myself, not bad for a 10 min old character. I proceed carefully toward the black wooden building, I get in and I see a corpse in it, with an Alice pack. In his death, unnamed hero, made me happiest survivor out there.

Entire time, side chat is burning with insults toward a guy called Machete that keep killing fresh spawns with a hatchet west of Elektro. I leave it be, being a safe distance from them.

So I loot the dead guy, get some drink, food, and basic gear, and start to proceed slowly and carefully toward northern woods.

Smartest thing I can do right there is to head inland, but noooo, I decide to check Elektro first, get more gear, get some guns off the stations, med supplies, glutton in me awakens....

>>>Meanwhile<<<

Machete: YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE MACHETE!!!!

Random guy1: YOU FAG

Random guy2: STOP KILLING FRESH SPAWNS

Random guy3: I'M GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD

So I start heading toward electro, but to avoid the circus that is apparently happening on the road there, I keep to the woods, over the hills, planning to hit the barn, north fire station, then work my way into electro hospital, and after that, journey north.

"Angry Mechanic" aka Moron #1

So I drag my ass through the woods, side chat is full of insults in caps, but I ignore it because I am safe up in the hills. About half way there, I stop for a moment because I could swear I could hear a car. It was raining, so it could be my imagination, but anyway, I take my time to scout the area around me more carefully. I creep up to the edge of the forest, and I can see that I am right at the road going north to Pusta, and beside it, that piece of junk Skoda, and a guy repairing it.

I scan the surroundings, but no one is covering the guy, and he is so into it that he is not paying attention to anything else. Must be some kind Skoda fanatic, I think to myself. I take out my 1911, I creep up to him, and tell him on local to relax, that I am not going to kill him, but that he need to stay faced away from me. He reply in English even worst than mine: FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

So... I loot his body, get me a Winchester, food, water, basic loot in general. I get in the car to check it out, and I notice that it is badly damaged with very low fuel. So I leave it behind, not wanting to bother with it.

I proceed with my plan. I get to Elektro, I scout it for several minutes than start mowing towards it. I check barn, nothing, I check power station, nothing. Still happy with the gear I have I decide to avoid school, bar and church, get med supplies, and fuck off as soon as possible.

I get to the hospital, I check the box behind it first, and find couple morphines, some bandages, blood bags, everything I could possibly need. I pick it up fast, and start heading out. And then all hell breaks loose... All of the sudden I can hear DMR from the north east hill, small arms fire just around the corner to the east, a guy running past me with about 200 zombies on his ass, in short, I was in a John Woo movie.

Somehow I manage to sneak my way west of town, unharmed.

"Honest Abe" aka Moron #2

My plan now is to get out of dodge as fast as I can. I have everything I need for the trip north, I just have to be fast. I am hugging every building I can, trying to get westward a bit before running for the woods, trying to figure out where snipers are. Then, a most peculiar thing happens.

I hear some running, screams, bones being broken, and at the end, flies, not 20 meters from me, just on the other side of building. I carefully lean around the corner (no, there is no third person on this server) and I can see a guy, wielding an axe, over a dead body. He spots me immediately, he notices that I have a Winchester aimed at his face and he TYPES in local:

MACHETE: Friendly!

So, I check his body, get another can of beans and proceed with my plan.

"A SPECIAL kind of moron" aka Moron #3, aka yours truly.

It has been 2 days after I spawned, still alive. Looted everything except NV airfield, not that I didn't try though, but I don't like being sniped in the face with .50 cal. All in all fun times. Wandered on 2 guys sitting around a campfire on top of green mountain last night, I chose not to shoot them, and they return my trust in human kind. We had some laughs, some beans, some coke. Good times. They give me a ride to NE airstrip, we find absolutely nothing, so they give me a CCO as a thank you for not being a dick. And we part ways.

As a working man, I can maybe catch 1 hour of daylight in game, but tonight I log back in somewhere north of Polana, a bit later in the evening. I say somewhere, because I still don't have a damned compass. So I start finding my bearings, I open the map and start heading towards Stary, on a quest for any kind of sniper rifle, checking dearstands on the way.

I creep up on the first deer-stand just north west of Polana, i bump into the crotch of a military zombie, because I couldn't see or hear shit, it was raining, and its pitch black. I somehow manage to take him out with my trusted 1911, but the bastard breaks my leg. Desperate I open my inventory and BEHOLD a morphine injector, that trip to Elektro was not in vain. So I patch myself up, I get to the deer-stand and I can hear flies.

I sit in a bush for good 5 minutes, zombies that I can't see are grunting all around me, and then it gets to me, if there is a sniper out there, he would have picked me off by now. So I proceed toward the deer-stand. At the bottom of it, a corpse. In camo, with a FUCKING DMR on him. I pick it up, get ammo, food, A BEAR TRAP, but no compass, ffs.

So I am standing there, and thinking of the ultimate trolling I can unleash right now. I am not a dick, but sometimes that devil on your shoulder prevails. So I devise a cunning plan to set up a trap right under the leader up to a dear-stand, sit in back, and wait for a potential victim. So I get to the ladder, I activate the trap, and POOF! INSTANT KARMA! It breaks my legs......

I open my inventory, and I realise that I used morphine just 5 minutes ago. So I lie there in the dark, trying to figure out what a fuck am i going to do. It's dark, i have no NV, I have no compass, my legs are broken. Suicide by nearby zombies is not an option, so I bite the bullet and start CRAWLING toward Berezino Hospital, through the dark, without compass, and yea, it was raining. Like a fucking Tolstoy wrote it.

Hour and a half later I wander (I use "wander" quite freely here) onto Dubrovka. Fuck, I missed it by miles, I went north instead of north east, but at least its downhill from here, so i cant miss it.

Another HOUR later I am on some road near Berezino, well, I think I am, so I pop a flare at the nearby road sign, because it is still pitch black, and I can't see shit, just a black shape of the sign. I miss it by 30 meters, cursing. I try to throw another, but I fire my gun instead. GREAT, now I have no more flares, I can't see the writing on a god damned sign right in front of me.

Desparate, I open my inventory, with just traces of hope. No flares ofc, i open my pack, and I yell in excitement (I actually yelled). I transfer the flare from backpack to the inventory, all happy and shit, and then I see it. Resting in my Alice pack, laughing at me and my stupidity, A... MORPHINE... INJECTOR!

There you go. Now you can all feel a lot better about yourselves. Sorry about the long post, I kept it as short as possible. And sorry about my English.

Have a nice day(Z).

The Moron

LOL!

[deceitfulburger 43]

I'll have a video to post in an hour. I knew something dumb was gonna happen.

[Testwd3r235 2810]

I've run out...oh wait: http://dayzmod.com/f...thout-battleye/

Edit: It's the last guy, Rick Grimes the Second.

Edited January 24, 2013 by MacabreLlama99

[deceitfulburger 43]

After many long delays, I present to you the video!

[deceitfulburger 43]

For whatever reason my resolution got messed up, imma have to fix that later.