Grimey Rick

DayZ's controls are the same as 90% of the shooters out there. I don't understand why so many people claim the controls are so hard to master. The newer generation of first-person shooters just added Z, X, C for your body position and Q, E for leaning around corners. The rest is pretty cookie-cutter.

If the current mouse configuration is working as intended, that's laughable. It's the least realistic movement you could possibly imagine. I don't know if you've ever shot a gun, but if you have, there's no plausible argument for the current implementation of "shooting". At the very least, the mouse acceleration needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

I use my wife to bait people all the time. I watch her gear on top of a building in [insert city here] while she runs around building to building within my sight-line, naked. So much death has been wrought using said method. Virgin blood is delicious. (:<

We only tested the ballistic helmet out. One M4A1 bullet to the head, his screen goes grey, he doesn't lose blood or healthy status, his helmet goes from pristine to ruined. I will take a look at the motorcycle helmet tonight. I'm pretty sure they only protect against blunt attacks, though.

I got excited when I clicked on this thread. Ah well, I'll stick to my wife's version of two hands. /leaves thread and slams door behind him

People are upset because hacking. I am one of them. Embrace it, my friend; accepting it is much less painful. And remember, when in doubt...

WHAT VILE SORCERY IS THIS?! YOU TYPE WITH PROPER SENTENCE STRUCTURE, INTENDED CONTEXT AND TEXTBOOK PUNCTUATION?! EXPLOIT. No but seriously, everything on these forums is a fucking exploit. Don't listen to these kids, sir.

In a vain attempt to quash this thread ONCE AND FOR ALL, may I suggest this as a means of identification? If no one else is cool with it, can the developers at least incorporate it into the game for me? // flips wrist //

I've searched EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE and have not found one. I play a lot. I can't be that unlucky. Or can I? ;o

Fist-running still works to a degree. I've found that after running with my fists out for a minute or two, I begin to slowly speed up. I have proof of this after playing with several friends last night and dusting them on our way from Elektro to Cherno. Perhaps it was intended all along, but their logic is that one simply has to build their momentum before they can reap the benefits of full-out sprinting?

They absorb at least one bullet. I posted in another thread some tests conducted by me and my son. I am too lazy to find the thread now, however. Feel free to sift through the general garbage that constitute my posts.

hye r u tlakign 2 mme??

They could have at least waited to fix it until they added fucking vehicles.

You sir, are a douche.

I think it's funny, honestly. I've never understood the mentality. The guy missed me at least a half dozen times before finally hitting me. Obviously he wasn't very good. I guess that's why he was cheating!

With all due respect, have you played on a 64+ server yet? I've survived multiple fire fights only to succumb to hunger and die.

My wife was almost in tears tonight in a stand-off near Balota. We were pinned down in one of the jails on the airstrip. I was watching the windows so I asked her to cover the door. We got her set up and in position and all was well. That is, until the first guy burst through the door. Like a little trooper she dropped him with a barrage of FNX fire. I ran to her and closed the door while congratulating her (she sits beside me). Her exact words? "Oh my gawd Tim, I can't fucking take this shit!" She then had a miniature panic attack and had to log off. I love her so much. <3

Schools, barns, sheds, and... in my pants keeping my balls warm.

As of today, how long have you played? Screenshots must be provided! I hate myself. ):

I'm not actually camping in this location, I just wanted to illustrate the unfairness of 3PP as opposed to 1PP for those who might not yet fully understand the difference. Keep in mind, these are taken in the exact same position, I merely pressed enter to change between the two views. 1PP: Good! (: 3PP: Bad. ): Also, can someone perhaps explain to me why my frames per second seem to be capped at 49 on experimental? <3

// looks around in disbelief shouldering his pitching wedge // You mean you guys aren't already doing this?

My mouth... waters. Delicious. So many juicy heads with which to touch my bullets. I watch you through the tool of my guilty pleasure, my scope. Invigorating. The picture your scintillating bodies paint upon this blissfully remarkable canvas is riveting. Exquisite. You walk shrouded in the fallacy of your strength, relying on one another for protection. Enticing. Images of the lusciousness that is your brain matter covering the pavement in spongy carpet causes my tongue to moisten. My heart beats faster as I envision your last breaths, your last helpless calls to one another. Your desperation. You are already dead. I breathe heavily as I finger the trigger of my rifle. I am forced to adjust myself as the euphoria this moment has wrought wreaks havoc on my manhood. I begin to sweat. You will all embellish my deepest, darkest desires. You don't need to be afraid of something so beautiful, so perfect. I point my rifle at my first target and squeeze the trigger. // shudders in heavenly rapture //

Haha, I was just gonna bug Hulk Hogan about his picture by posting my own selfie. Alas, 'tis neither the time nor place for such cocksuckery. P.S: Damn Soul, you scary.

Little did he know the real reason he saw no one near Vybor that day. Legends speak of a hero. A hero ever watchful. Ever vigilant. Scanning the countryside with his eagle eye, waiting. If your intentions are pure, he'll let you pass unscathed. You won't even realize you're being watched beyond a brief chill traveling up your spine, but fret not adventurer, for you're safe. He only leaves his mystical perch to bury the bodies of his victims. The server hoppers. Snipers who snipe not for the forces of good, but for the forces of evil. Bandits. Their corpses litter the underground graveyard that is north-western airfield. Fret not, little one, for you're safe. Fret not.

LOL JK