Shit/Piss System v1.1

[thesneakyfatcat 76]

When I first made my post titled, "Shit/Piss System" I never expected this kind of response. It really shows how friendly a community can be. After the critical acclaim of my post, and having many suggestions given to me, I have decided to give you all an update on how this is going. I cleared up some parts where you may have some misunderstandings. Here is the system with a few minor changes.

The Piss System

1. When you spawn, your piss meter is at 5/10.

2. Your piss meter rises 1 every 10 minutes (automatically adds 1 for every beverage consumed).

3. Pissing resets your piss meter.

4. You can piss a distance of 5 meters.

5. Upon your piss meter getting to 8 9 or above, you move slightly slower and have a chance (5% every 5 seconds) to piss yourself.

6. Upon your piss meter reaching 10, you instinctively piss yourself.

7. Upon pissing yourself you make an audible groan that raises your hearing meter by 2 for 5 seconds.

8. Pissing will raise your sight and hearing meter by 1.

9. You cannot move/look around while pissing. You can aim your piss but cannot move around. You cannot aim your piss as a female character.

10. If you are dehydrated, you piss blood and lose 300 each piss. Standard piss rates apply, except if you drink something; then your hydration meter gets reset to 0, your piss meter goes up by 1, and you no longer piss blood.

11. You can fill water bottles with piss and drink it (or prank your friends and piss in theirs!) but it only fills half of what a "normal" drink would on your hydration meter.

12. Drinking your own blood piss restores the blood you lost from it.

13. Drinking your friends blood piss kills you.

14. Having someone drink your blood piss counts as a murder. DO NOT PISS BLOOD IN WATER BOTTLES, DAMMIT.

15. Drinking piss gives you a 5% chance of getting a disease (10% if its another persons). Only 1% of these diseases are lethal.

16. Pissing takes 15 seconds (30 if you're pissing blood).

17. Zombies may be deterred but are not harmed by your piss. Piss on them as a distraction. Piss on bandits if you want to too, I guess.

18. Female characters take twice as long to piss. (who knows why they spend so much time in the bathroom?)

The Shit System

1. Upon spawning you have a shit meter of 2/10

2. Shitting will reset your shit meter.

3. Shitting will raise your sight and hearing meter by 1.

4. Shitting is unique in the sense that the length of the shit depends on how much you ate/what you ate. It will take 5 seconds multiplied by your shit meter plus 10. Use the formula t=5s+10 to figure out how long your shit will be. See the attached graph if you don't understand 6th grade math.

5. Eating food will raise your shit meter by 1. If your shit meter is at 5 or above, it will rise 1 every 10 minutes. If it is below 5 it will rise 1 every 20 minutes.

6. Upon your shit meter reaching 10, you instinctively shit yourself. Shit takes 30 seconds to clean from your pants (10 if you have a full water bottle. The bottle gets emptied in the process)

7. Shit will despawn in 30 minutes.

8. If you shit when the meter at 8 or above you have a chance of constipation (5%). If you get constipated, the shit takes 2x as long as it usually would (see graph). If you're constipated you make painful groans that add 2 to your hearing meter, every 5 seconds until you're done shitting. Divide your shit time by 5 to see how many groans you'll have.

9. If your meter is at 8 9 or above you move slightly slower as you clench your sphincter and have a chance (5% every 5 seconds) to shit your pants.

10. Shit attracts zombies in a 20 meter radius whether it's in your pants or on the ground or in your backpack/inventory and if you lure zombies to shit, they will stop and eat it for 10 seconds. Use this to your advantage! Only 1 zombie can eat the same piece of shit.

11. Toilets will be added to the game and be littered around Chernarus. If you use a toilet, shitting takes 5 seconds less than it usually does.

12. Toilet paper will be added to the game. If you don't wipe after a shit, you have a 5% chance to get an ass infection. Only 1% of ass infections are lethal.

13. Toilet paper will be stackable (up to 5).

14. You cannot reuse toilet paper.

15. Shit IS lethal. If you eat it, you WILL die. The entire server will get a message saying that "player x has eaten their own shit" or "player x has eaten player y's shit" in commemoration of your bravery.

16. If another player eats your shit, it counts as a murder on your part so be careful of where you shit (unless you're into that kind of thing, you kinky bastard)

17. The "take a shit" button will be PRESS and HOLD, meaning that you can spam the button to make small dots like morse code, leaving messages for people on roads or roofs of buildings. (You can thank forum poster "Fish" for this one.)

18. You can add shit to your inventory. It will only take up 1 spot and WILL attract zombies (see 10).

19. You can throw your shit like you can throw tin cans. Zombies are attracted to it. These can be used to make traps/block off entrances for other players. If you manage to throw your shit at another player, he will get covered in shit and will attract zombies in a 30 meter radius. (Similar to boomer bile/pipe bombs in L4D/L4D2.)

20. The respawn button will be removed and you now must eat shit and die to respawn.

21. It is a well known fact that girls do not shit. This is an upside to being a female, which will be balanced in another post detailing a "female only" menstruation system and the fact that they take twice as long to piss.

[Lidskjalf 132]

Plop.

[xToxicFrostyx 0]

WTF DID I JUST READ....other than the shit atracting zombies its fucking brilliant

[harken (DayZ) 57]

This is the greatest idea I've seen for this game, and literally the funniest thing I've read on this website.

Take my beans you crazy mofo!

[Smiric 11]

You can have my beans as I'm currently in tears!

[jimbobjenkinz 11]

This actually should be added, no matter how funny it is.

[Jello Jaw 11]

The "take a shit" button will be PRESS and HOLD, meaning that you can spam the button to make small dots like morse code, leaving messages for people on roads or roofs of buildings. (You can thank forum poster "Fish" for this one.)

If you manage to throw your shit at another player, he will get covered in shit and will attract zombies in a 30 meter radius.

Fucking hilarious and WTF.

[Colonel Shade. 19]

Supported :)

[-E-Claymore 22]

If you've got to piss every 100 minutes of you piss yourself, you've got some serious issues. You also have some serious oversights in your system. I was in the Infantry for nine years, and I can tell you that we didn't piss or shit anywhere near that often. Keep in mind that when you're exerting yourself by running, crouch-walking, and crawling, you will likely sweat a lot of your hydration out. It wasn't uncommon to drink water most of the day and not piss at all.

[GexAlmighty 54]

If you've got to piss every 100 minutes of you piss yourself, you've got some serious issues. You also have some serious oversights in your system. I was in the Infantry for nine years, and I can tell you that we didn't piss or shit anywhere near that often. Keep in mind that when you're exerting yourself by running, crouch-walking, and crawling, you will likely sweat a lot of your hydration out. It wasn't uncommon to drink water most of the day and not piss at all.

I don't even believe it.. someone took this thread seriously..

[dizzymagoo 19]

Supported. This is awesome!

[mattldempsey 8]

Na, grow up.

[DeTaiLz 18]

LOLOLOLOLOL

[-NGR- Larkinto 87]

Where's the graph?

[UbiquitousBadGuy 846]

This thread again?

Closed.