I should have known

[ry777 0]

I am beginning to tire of the stench of the ocean, the salt mixed with the smell of rotting corpses nearly drove me to empty my stomach. Happening along a small town, I quietly sneak into the nearest building in search of supplies. I dart around the corner and almost shit myself when I see someone lying prone in the corner. Poor bastard must have been caught in a firefight with the other body next to him. Peeling away the makarov and a lee enfield I begin to make my escape, I stow my rifle realising he had emptied all the ammunition. After a few steps outside I hear a noise and spin around to see a bus roll up beside me. Oh yea transportation! i thought, the driver was honking joyously at me, almost as if to ask me to join up with him. Not having any ammo in my rifle I accept his offer and go around the front of the bus in order to hop in. that is when he runs me over, breaking my leg in the process. "WHY?" I ask as the driver calmly exits the vehicle and puts me out of my misery. This act hardens my heart as I spawn in and make a break for the balota airfield. I sprint in and utter a sigh of relief when I see a remmington poking up through the gravel. "Only 8 rounds but I guess it will have to do" I mutter during my trip back across the airstrip. Sneaking around the bushes my heart leaps as a see the silhouette of a bus in the distance trying to turn around. "Im gunna show you fuckers!" I think as I stealthily close the gap. Just as I get within 10 metres, he pulls out and begins the speed away. One shot pops the tire and another breaks the glas near the drivers face. "Shit shit what the hell?!" i hear as 5 men jump out of the bus and begin to scramble for cover in the bushes. "like shooting fish in a barrel" i think to myself as I execute two of them lying prone one metre away from me and pop shots at the other fleeing victims. I suddenly hear the crack of an m16 from one of the survivors. Quickly i duck behind a tree and lean out the left side for a quick shot hitting him in the leg before I pop around the right side of the tree dodging his panicked firing in order to finish him off. The quick position switch worked like a charm as I line up his forehead "click click" ... out of ammo, "crap" I thought as the muzzle of the m16 swings over and riddles me with bullets. I lay down my head and smile as my last breath exits me. "got you assholes"

Edited August 7, 2012 by ry777

[Muncywolverine 236]

Too long, didn't read.

Use paragraphs and spaces.

[sm0k3dm34t 0]

Is it me or a lot of member of this community cant read a sentence with more than 5 words... I only have a fonctional english and i can read the whole forum if i want to.

OP, i find it well written,very graphic, i hope more of these story appear on this forum.Its a change from the loot ,murder,hacker,bug report.

Good job for the revenge

[ry777 0]

thanks for the support Moutarde! Paragraphs aren't really my strong point and they might have been helpfull, however I don't think It is all thaat long

Edited August 7, 2012 by ry777

[ForbiddenArtist 6]

Its not that long buts its a hugh wall of text iam afraid of reading. This statement should also help you improve your writing skills.

[euryale 72]

hint: paragraphs were not invented by a tribe of angry witch lezard from the moon. You can use them without fearing to bring doom to our world (the paragraphs, not the lizard)

[hatfieldcw 184]

Col. Moutarde's foreign, he can't tell the difference between normal English and terrible, eye-gouging English. Don't trust his opinion, he probably found your nightmarish wall of text about as legible as a well-formatted post due to his bilingual awesomeness. Moutarde, I have nothing but respect and admiration for you, and I hope that I will someday be as good at reading your native language as you currently are at reading mine.

Ry777, stop sucking at writing. Seriously. It's the information age, and being able to communicate effectively in text form is crucial to your success. Get some paragraphs and formatting in there. Show some consideration for your audience. Package your tale as a consumer good, or keep it to your damn self. Jesus. I'll bet it would take me more than a week to read everything that was written on the internet in the last half hour. I'm not likely to waste my time reading your clumsy-assed post, and that means you won't get a good discussion out of it, and that means you're wasting your time and counterfeiting your value as a human being.

The story's not even bad. Presentation, my man. When I can read a good story and still think, "Boy, this author sure is a total piece of shit," you've done something wrong on your end. Your readers shouldn't have to enjoy your post in spite of your writing ability. Goddamn, son. You might hate your English teacher, but he's got a lot to offer you. If you want to keep telling stories, on the internet or elsewhere, you should spend some time and effort polishing your communication skills. Shit.

And good job on the bus dudes. There's no reason to repair a bus unless you've got at least a dozen buddies to populate it. Cargo space isn't great, it's slow as hell and it draws attention as readily as it draws zombies. Best thing to do is blow it up and hope a UAZ spawns instead. Shoot those guys.

[ry777 0]

ah the dayz forums, where all I get is 0/10 boring story when I use plain english, TL:DR and a constant barrage of how shitty a writer I am for not using paragraphs when sharing a bit of text I whipped up in 5 ish minutes. I Heard the paragraph criticism already, since I am such a terrible writer why don't you enlighten me as to why instead of regurgitating the same moot point?

Edited August 7, 2012 by ry777

[callmesarge 79]

I am beginning to tire of the stench of the ocean, the salt mixed with the smell of rotting corpses nearly drove me to empty my stomach.

Happening along a small town, I quietly sneak into the nearest building in search of supplies. I dart around the corner and almost shit myself when I see someone lying prone in the corner. Poor bastard must have been caught in a firefight with the other body next to him. Peeling away the makarov and a lee enfield I begin to make my escape, I stow my rifle realising he had emptied all the ammunition.

After a few steps outside I hear a noise and spin around to see a bus roll up beside me. Oh yea transportation! i thought, the driver was honking joyously at me, almost as if to ask me to join up with him. Not having any ammo in my rifle I accept his offer and go around the front of the bus in order to hop in. that is when he runs me over, breaking my leg in the process. "WHY?" I ask as the driver calmly exits the vehicle and puts me out of my misery.

This act hardens my heart as I spawn in and make a break for the balota airfield. I sprint in and utter a sigh of relief when I see a remmington poking up through the gravel. "Only 8 rounds but I guess it will have to do" I mutter during my trip back across the airstrip. Sneaking around the bushes my heart leaps as a see the silhouette of a bus in the distance trying to turn around. "Im gunna show you fuckers!" I think as I stealthily close the gap.

Just as I get within 10 metres, he pulls out and begins the speed away. One shot pops the tire and another breaks the glas near the drivers face. "Shit shit what the hell?!" i hear as 5 men jump out of the bus and begin to scramble for cover in the bushes. "like shooting fish in a barrel" i think to myself as I execute two of them lying prone one metre away from me and pop shots at the other fleeing victims.

I suddenly hear the crack of an m16 from one of the survivors. Quickly i duck behind a tree and lean out the left side for a quick shot hitting him in the leg before I pop around the right side of the tree dodging his panicked firing in order to finish him off. The quick position switch worked like a charm as I line up his forehead "click click" ... out of ammo, "crap" I thought as the muzzle of the m16 swings over and riddles me with bullets.

I lay down my head and smile as my last breath exits me.

"got you assholes"

------------------

Great story dude. You write well ;-)

[Plaguetongue 47]

nice job and nice story bro =)

[Masis 27]

Too long, didn't read.

Use paragraphs and spaces.

Looks like he used spaces pretty well.