Please help, I need moral help & directions.

[m4rre 2]

First off, this is also in the "I killed a man today"-thread. I am sorry for double-posting but I really need to clear my feelings & head regarding this matter. This is the story:

Me personally am yet to commit my very first murder. And this is 3 weeks after starting to play the game. Although I have been part of a group that has murdered a person when there really were other options available - but no way to chat. And karma did bite us, oh yes it did:

Me and 3 of my closest friends in real life had been playing for about a week, all of us had had alot of bad experiences with the game up til that point. Getting axe-murdered trying to say hello to a friendly face while picking up a can of pasta, our heads blown off while unarmed for a simple bandage, etc etc. Although this time we had been in luck for quite some time. My character had been alive for 4 days and the others about 2-3 aswell. After several days on our own out in the wilderness we met up in the deep forests between Mogilevka & Staroye to join forces. We we're carrying some decent equipment along with a proper amount of medical supplies, matches & huntingknives, watercanteens, maps & compasses and a long sought-for tent. Pretty much everything we needed to just stay in the woods and survive. But greed got to us. We set up camp deep into the forest and headed for Zub castle, quickly cleansed the area from zombies and went into the tower. At the entrance someone had put up barbed wire and we we're all suggesting someone actually had made this tower his/her home and that we should be really quick about it. When we headed back down the stairs having been to the very top we all of a sudden stand face to face with a shades-wearing guy in a baseballcap just at the stairs in the hallway. My friend that was walking in front of the group at first didn't even notice that there was someone in front of us and I yelled to him on Skype that we we're all behind him and then he realized...

The bardbed wire ofcourse made our new "friends" retreat very difficult as he surely was counting on us shooting him in the back if he ever tried to jump across it. So we forced him down the stairs at gunpoint. We then surrounded him in the hallway, he was sitting in the corner and we could clearly see that he had a sniper rifle on his back. This was something we hadnt come across at this point and was eager to obtain one so one of us could act as a spotter for the group. One of my friends who speaks fluent dutch, german, swedish & english & a bit of french tried to contact the guy we had at gunpoint by any means necessary. In this case through voicechat and text via direct communication ingame. I asked the others if it wasn't enough if we robbed him, but he had his pistol out and if one of us got close he might've pulled the trigger for the hell of it so we didn't dare to get really close to open his bags. After 5 minutes of heartpounding staring at this guy (who also by all means was scared shitless facing 2 shotguns and a AK with no escape route), without any signs of him trying to speak with us - we decided to execute him. In 1........ 2......... 3. As I helped fill hus body with holes from 2 well placed slugs into his face i felt like a criminal. It really took the others to convince me that this was probably for the best. We we're all startled and stressed out by the fact that we had all fallen to the level of animals in the face of danger, and most of all - the group pressure.

We then proceeded to loot his body, leaving food & drinks along with our AK that had ran out of ammo and exchanged it for his sniper rifle. He obviously had been playing for quite some time, he had several blood packs and morphine aswell as alot of ammo for his rifle and 1911. I wondered how it felt like for him, probably just logging on without his group for a few minutes to loot a place in the middle of nowhere - and end up with such bad luck. I for one, would have been furious, probably almost crying with anger or in despair. I really don't know.

However, after the storm in our heads had cleared and all the looting was done, we went back to the tent in the woods. Only to find it flattened out by some glitch. All our treasure, gone. We then decided to head back to the castle and try to set up camp there and "steal" what we thought was the ultimate safehouse. When we headed out of the forest just to the north-west of the tower and across the fields our sniper spotted someone on the very top of Zub castle. He shot, we then recieved a "cease fire"-message but we decided to go up there and settle in and take the fight to the owners. The owners that the guy we executed earlier probably belonged to. We never found out if he did, but as we entered the castle - we found ourselves in a empty place. We then realized we had been fooled. We heard several people moving outside. Since there is only one way out, we didn't dare to get close to the door. We held positions in the stairway just above the entrance and we were sitting in complete silence and watched their shadows moving, reflected on the stone floor by the setting sun. We retreated a little bit further back as we spotted a riflebarrel peaking in just by the entrance. This was our biggest mistake. It made whoever entered quite unchallenged and all of a sudden our frontman gets a snipershot to his face through the entrance. Then they came rushing in, in the cover of fire and smoke. We managed to gun down one of them, a female who apparently acted as cannon-fodder wearing almost nothing but a shotgun that we could spot - but at the same time we also by mistake killed a friend in the group, shooting him in the back as he tried to pass us in the stairs retreating in panic. The chaos spread across what was left of us. We were left 2 against what we thought were about 5-6 people. They started shooting from every direction outside. We were sitting at the very top floor, the roof. And then my only friend left takes a shot to the body through the floor (ceiling in their case), a floor made of stone. I didn't know you could be all "haxxors" like in counter-strike in this game but apparently you could. I bandaged him, gave him painkillers, epiphrene and food. He became consious but again he took a shot through the floor - this time to the head. Me - now totally innocent (in my head), at this point closing in on 5 days of survival and looting was feeling a little bit sick. The attackers had stopped shooting and up til this point they had not seen me. I truly felt like i did not deserve this fate but I was questioning myself. Doubting. Maybe I did, maybe I did not. And as the final thought ran through my head, that my only quick way to save the day was to throw all my equipment out from the top of the tower into the woods (which I cannot do due to game mechanics) - and then die fighting and hope for the equipment to still be there when i had respawned and fought my way back to the scene of misery - my terrified brain and fingers decided to simply log off.

I am still ashamed.

This was the first time i ever did it and I did not really know why. I despise the fact that I did. My brain probably just melted. Every single time before this happened I had been fighting til death even though I didnt have any comparable weapons to fend myself against my attackers - and I had never killed anyone at all, I always died almost instantly and started all over many, many, many times.

For many days now I have asked myself if I should've died like a man, or at least a fighting fool - against overwhelming forces. In the end I couldn't decide. But the conclusion I made was that I probably should have died together with the others because up til that point I had been playing the game just like I would "play the game" if the apocalypse truly did hit us. I had not shot anyone, and I had not robbed anything. (even off the dead body of the executed guy in the tower). And if this had been a real situation, I would most likely suffer the same fate as the others. However this was also a move I made for the group. I had all items necessary to defend the camp aswell as them when they came back from their 1½ hour run. Again, i fell for group-pressure but at the same i had only myself to blame in the end. My character is still alive, although it does not feel like it truly is. It kind of destroyed the game for me and a inevitable ingame suicide now acts as the only fair solution. At this point it would not matter though, as the group has recovered from the losses we had mostly without my help and they would have helped me if I was in need.

Please, some moralist, help me with this issue. And btw, thanks for reading if you managed to stay awake for so long...

Edited July 17, 2012 by m4rre

[thefonztm@gmail.com 86]

The only thing you did wrong imo was to log. But whatever, you did it already. If you really want to feel better, respawn.

[Fraggle (DayZ) 15720]

I wouldn't feel so bad about it. This game forces you to make quick decisions and live with the consequences if you can. Enjoy.

[m4rre 2]

It's really hard to appreciate the "game" as it is "supposed" to be. But at the same time I enjoy it because I have somewhat of a leverage right now due to "surviving" for a long time. If I wasn't so hardcore when it comes to playing the games like they should be played this would not have been an issue. This is the first game ever I have ever considered this kind of thing. I am definately not the cheater type and I have never been, and this is considered both cheating and not cheating. I believe only the vast majority can decide.

Edited July 17, 2012 by m4rre

[HanoverFist 64]

Well in my opinion you cheated yourself more than anything else. I myself have not yet been put in such a situation , I generally run solo so it's hard for me to say what I would do in that position, or what you should have done.

I think that you failed to resolve the situation for good or bad and I believe that is what is bothering you. My advice: stay with it to resolution no matter what in the future , I think you will find it a lot more fulfilling that way , even if you die. Living with bad decisions can be worse than the decisions themselves.

That fight or flight tension part of the game really is the (beans and sardines)meat and potatoes, without it your just eating the peas and spinach and while they will keep you alive , they are not near as tasty. :)

[Tigger (DayZ) 24]

Yeah, you didn't do the right thing, but you obviously won't do it again, while 80% of people playing wouldn't even worry about it. It's also a computer game...

[mrducky (DayZ) 33]

One thing that pisses me off in this game are the people who hunt down others (the bandits), but then are not man enough to take the bullet themselves and just log off when shot at... They just want to ruin other people's games, placing themselves above all others. The "It's ok if I kill someone, but not when someone else kills me." mentality.

This hatred of mine for the disconnecters does not really extend to the real survivors... I don't mind them saving their asses by a DC all that much - if they themselves have never killed any other player, nor do they intend to kill.

In your case... I don't know. You did execute the guy. You have killed. And apparently the guy took the bullet like a man rather than disconnecting, when he could have just DCed to avoid getting shot. But considering that you apparently did not plan to DC when getting in a tough spot, it was just a bad decision made in haste, and as long as you keep this in mind and play it fair in the future, you should not beat yourself too much over it.

If you really feel like redeeming yourself, just hit the respawn button and don't go recover the gear from your dead body. But you'll probably lose your gear many more times due to deaths from game bugs anyway, so it's not really that big a deal ;)... Just never cheat again.

[m4rre 2]

Myeah. While i do understand and agree that it is "only a game" this game by far succeeds the feeling of that it is only a game than any other game I have played. Dying or losing in any game is never so painful as I have experienced it to be in this mod. This time I failed, and i regret what I did. If i die soon, I had it coming. Although everything will be solved quickly now due to the team nowadays being well & alive hiding in a safe spot in the middle of nowhere, only coming out to loot nearby villages and then hunt for animals and waterpools. But my day will come, be so sure. In a way or another something will get to me. Karma really does get you sooner or later. It kindof feels like "Final Destination". xD

[Benlandia 73]

You came to the right place for moral guidance.

Let the hate flow through you.

[orion 54]

Bandage 5 random players and heal 1 random player with a blood bag and you will be forgiven of your sins.

[SpecOpsScott 20]

Yeah, you didn't do the right thing, but you obviously won't do it again, while 80% of people playing wouldn't even worry about it. It's also a computer game...

Its a very immersive game to me, so when i "murder" i feel it. I only have a couple of murders and one i would not count as a murder as i was defending another squad member as this guy was sneaking up on him.... The other i probably could have let go, but he was moving in on the back side of my squad again, i would have regretted not taking the shot if he had wiped out half my buds. Currently i have been pitching an idea with my team to camp around hot spots to kill those that would kill potential looters, especially those with patrol packs fresh off the coast. Everybody deserves a chance to gear up, and if we can take out a few guys who get their jollies killing coastal cuties while helping fresh starts or newbies all the better. If im going to have to kill players, i would rather be killing the griefers.

Killing some poor sob looting a sparsely stocked out of the way town just because i can just isn't fun for me.

[m4rre 2]

Karma got to me in the end, a shitload of days of survival together with some friends just ended with 2 of us dying with shots in the face. For my friend it was in his back though (without any warning), the worst way to kill a man. All this in the middle of nowhere while looting a simple deer stand outside of Vyshnoye. Dragged one bastard bandit with me to hell although I lost tons of gear, alice pack, lee enfield with 9 mags, morphine, food, drinks, blood bags, map, binoculars, compass, hunting knife, everything. Fucking win for them I guess. I suddenly lost the will to play at all but you gotta keep going I guess. At least now I feel what the guy in the tower must have felt.

Edit: A server restart (AND update!) just hit aswell so my body will disappear. (And what about our tent?). But it wouldnt had mattered if the evil sons of bitches buried my body. I'll never know anyways. I didnt even catch their names, if I did I would hunt them to the end of the world.

Oh god, the emptiness I feel inside. Depression-mode activate.

Edited July 19, 2012 by m4rre