The epic adventures of Alba and Witch.

[Albatros (DayZ) 40]

And how we managed to fuck up 9 vehicles in 2 days, on a single server. ANZ 1.

It all started when I saw on heard on direct chat "There's a speed boat near krutoy cap, no fuel".

I was near Elektrozadovsk so I decided to run over there, grab a jerry can and fuel it up. 3 jerry cans and one boat later, I'm in and off to Berezino.

It was not long later I highly regret this, as I realised the boat only goes a top of 14km/h. I was around 2km south of Berezino when I realise my fuel is low, so I pull over to the town and refuel twice. On the second trip back, there's someone near my boat. So he gets in in, cool whatever.

2 minutes later, we see another boat so I get out put fuel in and take off starting a boat convoy.

We arrive in Berezino and after a short trip to the military tents, my companion somehow breaks his leg and is eaten by zombies as I watch. I didn't know I was watching though, he was lagging balls crouch walking on the spot. It was only when his legs snapped and that bone crunching noise played, he teleported back beneath 4 zombies and said "help" in direct chat.

I killed all the zombies in less than a second, he was already dead. I geniunely felt sad and as if I had let him down, my unarmed companion eaten by zombies while under my protection.

I buried his body, Saluted for a full minute, raided Berezino and as I was heading inland with no use of the boats ~ I emptied my FN FAL into them and destroyed them. That's 2 vehicles already.

I headed north to Pobeda Dam, because I knew people liked to stash tents there. When I arrived it was pitch black and I found a tent full of goodies, I was happy with this and heading up the hill to get a better look around when I see a red glimmer. A car.

Seeing the car, I instantly knew a camp was nearby, I headed 20m up and see a tent and quad. The tent was loaded, M107's, AS50's, NVG's, Rangefinders, an insane amount of ammo.

So I looted everything and put it into the back of the quad, sent my friend, Witch, a message telling him I hit the jackpot and to get the fuck online. I drive the Quad down the hill and up to the Dam structure, which surprise - invisible badly coded walls. My quad has a had time getting onto the Dam, and when it does, it shoots 20m into the air does a flip and lands.

Fuck that shit I thought, as I reversed off and went around. When I got to the other side, the fucking thing rolls. With no way to lift it up, the bright red car is the only option.

I go back, get the car, run over the tent, go across the Dam (The car was much easier to cross) and park next to the quad to exchange gear. I destroy the quad, as it no longer has any use. 3 vehicles.

I take off in the car, Witch is somewhere near Mogilevka. I proceed to drive around for an hour trying to communicate on side without giving too much info and after some confusion by messing up Novy Sobor and Grishno I finnaly head to my friend. I'm literally 50m away when suddenly A FUCKING TRUCK SPAWNS INSIDE MY CAR. It explodes, I die. 4 vehicles.

I respawn and head for Pobeda Dam, finding a crashed heli and an FN FAL on the way. I arrive, find some tents and am instantly kitted out. I head West searching for more cars hidden in the forests behind Devils Castle. Jackpot, 3 tents and an quad. I search the tents, a bunch of sniper rifles. I get on quad - missing two wheels. What. Who does that, I unload my FAL into it and leave. 5 vehicles. I keep heading west without a compass or map, and realise I must be heading NW so I'm completely off the map by about 2km. Suddenly Tractor. Out of nowhere, a tractor. I search around, no tents. This tractor must have spawned 2km out of the map. I get in and drive, due to being in a forest I nudge a tree. BANG CRASH DESTROY. Tractor explodes, I'm dead. 6 vehicles.

I've had enough, I go to bed.

The next day, I respawn on Skalisty Island holding a crowbar at 8000blood and an inventory full of junk. What. I respawn a few times but the furtherest East I can get is Cherno. So I decide fuck it, and loot the town and after 8 murders (No, I'm not joking. Every cunt in Cherno tried to shoot me. People even chase me around corners and shit popping their Enfields) I'm finally on my way. I find a Heli crash in the field north of Mogilevka chruch, and recieve an FN FAL. I continue heading NE towards Pobeda Dam to get a better look in the day, when oh my god. A shiny new tractor in the middle of the field. I get in and take of planning to stash it in the very NE corner off the map.

I'm halfway there when suddenly CRACK BANG, a fucking sniper. He missed a few times, but finaly hits me so I decide to get the fuck out as fuck as I can. I turn on a bad angle for him and put the pedal to the metal, but I nudged a tiny bush so FUCKING BANG, EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE. The tractor explodes, I die. 7 vehicles.

Whatever, it was fun. I respawn 6 times always in Kamenka and equally shit towns, until I get Prigorodki, which I realised is the best I'm going to get, I head into Cherno. Suddenly Witch tells me he found a bike north of Pobeda dam. I'm about to reply "lucky cunt" when suddenly a bus. Parked at a bus stop. In the middle of Cherno. No one nearby. On a full 50 man server. What are the chances.

I get in, realise EVERYTHING is fucked and the only thing it has going is 2 wheels. I scavenge Cherno dodging gunshots and bandits untill the bus is ready to go. I get the fuck out as quick as I can and go east. I arrive in a small town and begin refuelling dodging zombies as I still don't have any weapons. Suddenly another player sprints up and into my bus. Aw hell naw. I get into the back and start chatting on vehicle channel telling him to pull over, let me drive. It works. I started driving, then realise the only way to meet Witch, it through Elektrozadovsk. Fuck. Witch informs me he's at Berezino already.

I head on to Elektro when suddenly my graphics are destroyed. I have around 2frames per second, worse than minimum textures that you'd expect to see on a building unrendered 3000m away, my bus has turned into 2D shapes being made of a single rectangle white polygon with square wheels. Why does this happen now, I'm literally playing with less than minimum graphics, edited the .ini to have maximum performance.

My companion instantly recognises something is wrong as the bus is lagging it's balls off. He asks if I want him to drive. Cool whatever, we swap seats and we head off, me still experiencing shitty graphics issues with a top of 2FPS. Suddenly 0FPS. The game has crashed. No, no no no no. no.

It takes a full two minutes for my computer to even load back the desktop, steam is fucking me over by being all over my screen not responding even though it's not doing anything, explorer.exe is not responding, I open task manager and after a minute it loads but my mouse is still invisible because arma2co.exe is still open so I close it using the keyboard. I quickly get back on steam tell Witch my game has crashed and the bus is heading through Elektrozadovsk.

I open Arma join ANZ 1 again quickly, game freezes on loading screen while I'm getting numerous Steam notifications I can't check. When the game unfreezes, I shift+tab and read them. Fuck. Witch got hit in Elektro on the bike and is wounded in the church, bike down. 8 vehicles. I spawn, I'm in Elektro. Witch is dead. There's no side chat to communicate to the bus, and as far as I know he's still heading to Berezino thinking I'm in it. An admin message appears "SERVER RESET IN 2 MINUTES".

I'll never see that bus again, I never saved it. The bus is gone for good. The server resets. I log off. 9 vehicles.

After the graphics issue, I've decided I'm spending up to $2000 tomorrow to get the best shit for my computer I can.

I've got to be the unluckiest player ever.

[fml 29]

Cool Story Bro