A Higher Calling

[InflatedLyric 39]

Dear Journal,

 

As I begin thinking about what needs to be said, I realize this journal should have been started sooner.  Unfortunately, I have been preoccupied with what is happening all around me and I have been overcome with emotions, to a degree that I have never felt them before.  It was not until I found myself beside a stream in the woods with a full belly and a heavy pack that I allowed myself to succumb to the contemplation that lead to the desire to document those thoughts.

 

Date - 12/27/2013

Recollections of approximately 12/15/2013:

 

A couple of weeks ago I was a simple business man with very little to concern myself with.  Then I was only looking to close the next deal, make the sale, get the signature; I asked for very little from life and gave back even less.  That life is all but completely gone now and I have very little memory of it.  I do remember boarding a plane and that somehow has led me here.  I only remember falling asleep after take-off, did we land at Balota (is that where I was going?), did we crash land into the ocean, I do not know.  I must have blacked out; however, that seems to be happening with some regularity these days.  For all I know that plane ride could be why I am alive or it could hold the answer to the beginning of this infection.  Am I trapped in the worst part of the world or did I escape to the only part left for survivors?  All I can say for sure is that I awoke one night, near a row boat, on the coast of this strange land in jeans and a t-shirt (not my normal style) and in good health, albeit wanting a drink and not far off from being hungry.  Looking back, that is the moment my station and calling began changing.

 

Recollections of approximately 12/23/2013:

 

Over the last week, I had been having nightmares every night often several in one night.  The dreams feature me fighting for my life against the infected, survivors, and even the elements.  One dream I struggle to survive on rotten fruit, for lack of scavenging anything better.  Another, I see a zombie run through a wall and tear into me while I am trying to grab a drink at a water pump.  I take an axe to the head, two bullets to the chest, surrounded by 5 infected with nothing but my fists and the scenarios I play out go on and on.  After I awake from these dreams I am relieved to find I am in good health, but in the dreams I have other belongings and I always feel, upon awaking, that I have lost them.  However, I do learn from these dreams; I would not fear survivors if it were not for dreams.  I would not know how much faster I can run with my hands empty if I had not first dreamt of it.  I would not understand how the infected act or know where to find hidden necessities.  My dreams are transitioning me into a different person.  I hardly feel like my old self.

 

Recollections from today:

 

The nightmares are becoming few and far between.  My scavenging has yielded more than I can imagine needing for myself (at least for many days).  I have plenty of food and water (two canteens and a water bottle) I drink mostly at the water pumps I find in towns only keeping the water on me "incase".  I have bags of rice and canned foods, two can openers.  I have weapons like I have never dreamed of before (but very little ammo, only 3 rounds for this hunting rifle that I keep in my hands at all times because I have no other way to carry it).  I am also carrying two first aid kits and an AED.  As I sit in this patch of forest and listen to the stream, I feel satisfied.  My thoughts are filled with questions to which I have no answer and soon I uncover the true basis behind feeling satisfied, I have no purpose.  I concentrate on what I have:  I have 3 rounds and I would most likely miss the first shot I take, would I even know how to fire this weapon if I needed to use it?  Should I be taking these supplies to share with other survivors and continue scavenging?  I have so many medical supplies, maybe I should try to heal survivors.  Perhaps I should hunt survivors that, like me, carry around more items than can be scavenged from a deserted town in 2 hours time.  The two thoughts that seem to stick out the most is my inexperience using a weapon and the need of medical supplies amongst the currently fragmented group of survivors.  I leave my cozy spot by that stream in the woods to find more medical supplies or maybe some ammunition, perhaps at the expense of my own food stockpile.

 

Date - 12/28/2013

Recollections of last night:

 

I began scavenging an area that yielded no medical supplies or ammo.  I can always find room for something I want though, maybe eat something to lighten my pack or get rid of those tools I grabbed, but have no idea what I would even use them for.  Alas, I am still very curious about this place; I feel so lost here sometimes and long to discover more.  I decided to climb up a crane, just to have a look around.  Several feet off the ground, I decided to fumble through my pockets and ended up slipping off the ladder.  I was in some serious pain, not only that, but the fall busted open several cans of food and destroyed every medical supply I had.  I threw my pack on the ground and left everything, but the clothes on my back and a flashlight.  I had to head toward the coast, I know of a hospital there.  I blacked out after that, but I must have made it to the hospital.  When I awoke, all my ailments were cured and I was again of good health, although the world was still covered by darkness.  I started running to see if I could salvage anything I had left beneath that ladder, but it was the opposite diagonal corner of the map than where I awoke.  I ultimately went too far north and it took quite a while longer than it should have; after finally reaching that crane, I discovered that everything I had left behind was carried off.  Probably buried by another, not sure anything was even salvageable.  Not easily discouraged, I began scavenging once again as I had expected to do on the long trip up.  Sooner than I realized, I had a full belly and heavy pack again.  I decided tomorrow I would head to the airfield to replace some of the lost military grade equipment.  I found a patch of trees outside of town and not too far from the airfield and drifted off to sleep.

 

Date - 12/29/2013

Recollections of today:

 

I was eager to get to the airfield and took off running immediately; I did not quite understand where I was in relation to the airfield and ended up heading too far south, but I caught my mistake and it worked in my favor as I approached a couple buildings that I would have otherwise avoided completely.  However, these all seemed to be high traffic areas and there was very little to find.  Perhaps, one room that was left unchecked by others, an item that was overlooked occasionally, or items passed up by survivors with more than they can carry.  From here I went to the ATC and the fire station, not much to find here either, a mag for my pistol in the corner that never got checked.  Same story with the barracks, they were empty save some random items that are useless to me.  Finally I decide to hit the hangars not expecting much as I did not believe much was in the hangars to begin with, but I was wrong.  It might be harder to locate, but there is ammo there dropped carelessly on the floor.  I move to the tents and find ammo here too and grab a few upgrades to weapon attachments.  Then, with much more ammo than I expected to find even if the more targeted areas had not yet been scavenged, I decided it could not improve my situation any by hanging around looking in every last nook and cranny.  I made my way back into the woods to take a mental inventory of my haul.  I had picked up two pistol mags with 15 rounds each; although, I had dispatched a few infected with the pistol since it was the first ammo I did find.  I also picked up 250 rounds for my military grade assault rifle.

 

In this brief moment, my thoughts returned to the time I spent in contemplation by that stream in the woods.  Though while I sat there then, I did not come to a conclusive thought of my purpose; however, it was like everything suddenly fell into place.  My thoughts then, my purpose now was very clear.  The infection will spread, it will get worse before it gets better.  Survivors will die and the infected will flourish.  If I fight for myself, losing is inevitable as death comes for us all eventually.  If I murder survivors for my own benefit, I will only fan the flames of chaos that the infection has created.  I must join the side of humanity and fight against the infection, infected, and chaos that would have us all destroyed.  And if I am to become a soldier for humanity, I need to get comfortable with using these weapons.

 

Date - 12/30/2013

 

I was up before the sun.  My plan was to visit as many towns and cities as I could and clear out the infected.  We might be able to cure them in the future, but right now we do not have the luxury of waiting and hoping.  The more of them there are walking around, the faster the infection will spread; I also need to get some target practice in.  The first town I stumbled on had two infected walking around, my shots were deliberate and calculated.  I thought they were good shots, but too calculated.  I took the road out of town feeling good about leaving the place better than I had found it.  So it went, hiking the long way to another town clearing the infected from town and leaving on a different road than I had come in on.  Oddly, I had never stayed on any road before, never followed the infrastructure of humanity but only roamed the natural terrain like any wild animal would.  I did not stop to scavenge often, only once where I new there would be more ammo, I picked up another 130 rounds.  Might not have needed it, but I managed to put 30 rounds into the dirt while I was still learning to shoot so it could not hurt to have more, unless next time I made a similar mistake, it was into my foot instead.  Before long, I was joined by the sun; she rose above me a smiled down, offering positive reinforcement for my deeds, and she did envelop me in her warmth.  However, she was not alone on this morning.  I was directed to look down at the road.  Looking down I saw, for the first time, a soldier for humanity and it gave me great comfort and allowed me to feel safer knowing in this chaotic world there are those that will fight for us.