My First Lives

[Funkmaster Rick 373]

So, I've been playing DayZ for a year or so. Epoch mod was where I spent most of my time. The biggest differences I've noted so far are in the feel of the game - the basics are quite similar, but the way everything meshes is just lovely; I only play in first-person in the standalone, despite harsh experience from the mod having taught me that anything less than third-person is simply unacceptable for survival. Really, the immersion is vastly improved already.

 

That's the background out of the way. Keep in mind that this is just a story of my first couple of spawns; don't be surprised if I wander through it.

 

My first spawn was near Balota, just South of the little industrial area. I was in the process of figuring out the control changes when some red-shirt dude walks up to me with his fists up and makes a somewhat terrible attempt to beat me up. Presumably for my flashlight battery, as I had little else of value at the time. I didn't even know how to raise my fists at that point, so I ran. My initial attempts to deke him failed; he proved to be at least marginally attentive.

 

So I ran a circle around a bush, then ran into the centre of it to hide. While in the real world a man trying to kill you with only his fists might be a problem, my hypothesis about this guy being retarded seemed to be confirmed when he couldn't find me and ran off.

 

So I ran towards Balota. It was AMAZING being able to enter and loot buildings which had (in the mod) previously been little more than inconvenient eyesores. But there was no gear to be had. So I checked the ATC, found another pile of nothing, and went to check the hangars.

 

Once I was about halfway in, I encountered two people. The first was the Redshirt. The second was some guy with an M4A1. So he starts jabbering away about how I should stop moving and get on the ground. Redshirt hits F2 and does his best impression of a chump. I rush the gun-toting douchebag.

 

I must have made ten laps around the guy before he could shoot me. The slow turn-speed of DayZ SA can be terribly inconvenient for bad players. Overall I have to say it's a much better solution than the gun-lag and twitch that comes from turning in third-person in the mod; it certainly feels at least more immersive. And in this case it helped me out. He shot me, of course - but not before I'd done close to a dozen laps, called him a couple of names, and told him how bad he is at the game. A fitting response to his robbery attempt. And while I didn't exactly go down fighting, I still think my stream of insults might have earned me a place in Valhalla, if only mopping up the spilled beer.

 

So then I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to respawn. Apparently just being patient doesn't work, so I eventually exited and rejoined the server, which fixed the issue. Having played DayZ for as long as I have, I was not surprised, nor even phased. Weirdness becomes a part of life for those who play this game long enough.

 

My second spawn nearly brought me to orgasm. I spawned in Novy Sobor. A stone's throw from Stary, a pleasant hike thence to Kabanino, and then it's only a carefree stroll to the NWAF. I grabbed a backpack, some better clothing (this game needs pimp clothes ASAP), and took off on the first leg of the journey.

 

Stary Sobor, infamous battleground since way back when, was a welcome sight. Whatever that bloody sphere-thing on a pole is, for me it was hope. With my trusty fire-axe clearing the way, I was an immortal god of death. Well, you know, except for the immortal part, and the part where the zombies are already techni -- you know what? Shut up. I was an immortal god of death, reaping the whirlwind through town. Hell yes.

 

And then I met up with the first guy who didn't try to kill or injure me. We chat, I tell him of my plans to hit up the NWAF, I tell him I have a route planned and supplies, I tell him he can tag along if he wants. So he tags along, we make our way through the rest of Stary. We're maybe 200m from the signpost out of town when I relate the story of the red-shirted man who tried to punch me to death.

 

"Oh," he says. "Oh," says the man with the red shirt. In that single syllable, I hear the screams of a thousand bloodthirsty hounds. My viking heritage rears up and causes my heart to pump faster than a bored hooker at the end of her shift. I look at the man who had only thirty minutes ago tried to murder me because I happened to be there. He turns to run, realization plain on his face (shut up, I'm imaging over here). I swing my mighty axe and score a paltry blow. But he's bleeding, and I'm chasing. It's not long before he gives in to the inevitable and I behead him and bathe gloriously in his blood for all to see. I eat his heart from his still-beating chest and unleash a roar to unsettle the gods.

 

It was a real Kodak moment.

 

Onward to Kabanino, then NWAF. I loot a gun, some nice stuff. I head to Vybor just to check it out. On my way back, someone snipes me from a barn. Bam. Dead. DayZ 4 lyfe, mafakas.

 

So ends my tale.

 

TL;DR: Balota, fisticuffs, Novy, looting, vengeance, looting, death.