The story of a crazed axe murder ft tin cans

[Blt 1]

Okay, I mentioned this is one of ravin's threads and though hell, why not make a story about it, so here goes;

After being killed with my best gear so far in dayZ(fuck loads of good shit, just no NVG's or ghillie- they like to evade me) I ended up being killed, where I'd pretty much got so pissed off i'd turned bandit man.

So then 1.5 comes out, and I spawn in cherno, doing the standard looting barns on the outskirts like my normal protocol, though after half an hour of searching, i've only found a hatchet and a can of pepsi. I then look at the tin cans on the floor, and a sudden thought rushes through my now crazed mind. I'd heard that if you hit somebody with a tin can, it fucks their sound and such up, and a day ago I did it to myself to test it, and surefire, it worked. So after leaving the barn now kitted out with my deadly hatchet, armed to the teeth with as many tin cans as I can carry, heading into cherno with a crazed look on my face.

I think to myself, lets get some revenge, so I head to one of the towers within cherno, somehow not getting spotted, though my crazed rambling probably left me or I was just plain lucky.

I reach the building, heading up it, to notice a 2 man bandit team. I throw a tin can at the spotter, bonking him on the head while hes thinking hes being shot starts hiding, while I go behind the sniper who is proning and start chopping the shit out of him, killing him, where I turn round to see the spotter having recovered and recieve a full M4A1 magazine to my face.

Just before I respawn, I hear the sniper getting extremely heated at his friend for the "crazed axe murderer" to have got past him and kill him. I at the point was laughing my arse off, so I respawn.

I end up just outside electro, and somehow through the act of god get a hatchet again, along with more tin cans. So I head to the firestation, watching it from a vantage point.

Somebody sneaks in, so I do the same, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, tin can at the ready. He comes down, sees me, begins speaking friendly as I throw the tin can to his head and begin chopping him into lovely sausages for the zombies, as he is literally screaming down his mic at how he was doing so well and other such. I proceed to loot his AKM and ALICE pack, putting my baby hatchet into the pack for further use later, where I near on walk off into the sunset, albeit crawling carefully into the nearby forest, where I walk face first into what looked like the same two man bandit team from earlier, though I was later to learn it wasn't. They started speaking to me, so I started acting like that of a noob, taking my hatchet out to have a go at them. I turn to leave and they look away, so I throw a tin can at one, and the other turns round for me to get one hit in before he pumps my body full of M1014 pellets.

Overall, it was a really fun night for me(Im UK) on the american servers, kicking ass on a couple of people and liking the nickname the first guy I killed.

Crazed axe murderer.

[MysteriousSpoon 0]

Haha! This is brilliant, good job from a fellow Brit. Playing with you sounds like a good time.

One again good job, fun to read.

[Shorty (DayZ) 0]

Great read, CANS OP!

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

Buwhaha...

This is fucking brilliant! BRILLIANT.

Must do this.

[Blt 1]

I can just imagine finding a ghillie and going round to do this again. And smokes. Oh god, this is a new way of killing.

Heck with sniping newbs. Chop them down instead.

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

Ghillie suit running through the urban area would look like the biggest noob thing ever, Armed with only a hatchet and some beans... Lay in the bushes behind some homes in Chenro... Oh gods... The Lulz.

Perfect disguise. Genius.

[Blt 1]

I will do that when I come across a ghillie again.

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

Record it please. Oh Lords. I would die. Hahahahaha... Oh man just full sprint into Eletro, check that school/office building, run like a mad man into apartments. Just go nuts. you'll find one eventually.

@ Blt #Winning -

[zantiago 119]

this is to good to be true :p

fantastic read mate..

Made my slow day at work that much more entertaining!

[Blt 1]

When I find one, I will do it. Got my trusty hatchet back after that death, going to head abit inland though for a while, stalk a couple of places and such. Might see about joining a team or just wait out on my community see if they get picked to host a server.

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

You should start an Axe Murderer Clan, where you guys only use Axes, horde loot like dragons and piss off those bad bandits in Chenro/Eletro

I can just see you guys now crackling manically, running into the hills like the movie "The Hill's have Eyes"

[Blt 1]

Might see about doing that, that would be so funny.

I'd have to play this while we all surround people;

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

IMO -

[Blt 1]

Either one will do, oh god it will be so fun when I get a few guys together to do this.

[zantiago 119]

hahaha, so bloody fantastic...

cracks me up!

[TheSexyGoat 5]

seems legit

[U.B.C.S. Ravin 326]

I can just imagine you throwing a tin can at someone, they go apeshit, two of your friends run up with you from each side of the person, smashing them with an axe, ripping their corpse apart for loot and sprinting off into opposite directions.

[Blt 1]

That is now my aim to achieve such.

[Twitzle 0]

Please for the love of god record this.

[U.B.C.S. Hops 128]

Looking forward to this happening. Thanks to Ravin for showing me this. Haha