DayZ Inspired Book (In Progress)

[ching_yung 9]

Hey guys! Tell me what you think of my upcoming Novel, highly inspired by DayZ mod. Enjoy! Tell me what you think of it!

Name - Mason Warforn.

Age - 13.

Height - 5'7.

Weight - 102 pounds, dropping since the outbreak.

Hair - Black / Brown.

Eyes - Aqua blue.

Before the outbreak:

Well, I guess you could call me "spoiled." Whatever I wanted I had family getting it me... Instantly! I've always had my say about things, I do look back and call myself a douche' I was wrong being the way I was. I got everything... but yet threw it back in my family's face; I was one of them kids who are looked down upon because I'm not "talented" like everyone else. I can't do trick's, stunts or skate. I never really had friends at school, its weird really as I used to lie all the time. I don't blame people for not liking me; I was just that person who was mourning in the class. My mother passed away in early 2012, since then I have took up nothing but saving money to buy her a funeral as we simply don't have the fund's to send her off as she deserves... She died of three cancers in different parts of her body, didn't smoke, do drugs, violence or anything like that. It just took out the nicest woman on earth, I'll never get the chance to say goodbye. I love you Mum...

Now? (Beginning of zombie outbreak)

I remember it so well... Me, my brother and my Dad were on the plane back from our three week tour of "Mongolia", it was a brilliant vacation! Sun, Sea, Sand and the ocean smell! Unfortunately, as my life goes if I have anything good something bad is waiting to happen... It was the day we were due to leave, Dad was getting annoyed at the sudden plane delays the airport was having. No-one helped or told us why; it was just out of the blue.

It was a good few hours until we finally got aboard the plane, even when aboard it was still a good hour of two before the plane set off past Abakan then Chernogorsk and then a long flight home to good old Liverpool airport! It was horrible... I'm not talking about the plane journey; I'm talking about the sudden journey ending... On the outskirts of the Russian town "Ust'-Abakan" we started hearing things. I could describe it as chalk on a board, the loud ear-punching scrape. We heard that, over and over again. The air hostesses told us "It was the pilots test alarms" and turned a TV on to keep us calm. This only made the whole plane nervous... Bang's and Boom's where followed by the smoking of the wings, I remember Mum telling me that there was engine wires stored there and If anything bad happened to the engines... we'd be free falling. All I remember from this was blood curdling screams and cry's, phone call's being made, texts and prayers. After that I remember my Dad looking at me and my brother and saying these last words I heard "Close your eyes, I love you." As soon as he said that I was sure we were joining Mum, I have seen enough Horror to tell what was going to happen. At this time I was panicking. Really, really panicking I blacked out.

The next thing I remember was waking back into consciousness in half a Boeing 747 shoved inside of a luggage compartment, the only thing I could see was a note that had been sown to my jacked sleeve. The writing was blurred and tear smudged, it read: Mason, I've done this at the last second. This is all happening so quickly, if you are reading this please get out... It wasn't the crash that killed the majority of us. People are out for each-other, bloodthirsty killers! I've put you in the safest place in the plane crash. I don't know what they are, well I do! Bloody psycho's that's what they are! One of them got the jump on me and your brother took a bite out of my arm and out of bill's finger! Where just feeling a bit on the lightheaded side right now, just a little overwhelmed. I didn't want to leave you Mason... I don't even think you'll read this, Tell Deborah I said hi in heaven will you little man? Love you so much try and g...." The letter ended with a pen mark followed by some red, still wet liquid. If my Dad was here, looks like he killed was hurt... Bad.

I need to get out of here, it's getting dark.

Edited May 31, 2013 by TritenS

[Guest]

I remember it so well... Me, my brother and my Dad where on the plane back from our three week tour of "Mongolia",

I remember Mum telling me that there where engine wires stored there and If anything bad happened to the engines...

Good read but sort the spelling please

[ching_yung 9]

I remember it so well... Me, my brother and my Dad where on the plane back from our three week tour of "Mongolia",

I remember Mum telling me that there where engine wires stored there and If anything bad happened to the engines...

Good read but sort the spelling please

I'm really sorry about that :S I was sure I checked over the grammar. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[Mr.Bewley.Esq 41]

Another aspiring writer!

Seems there are more of us about than I thought :)

[ching_yung 9]

Another aspiring writer!

Seems there are more of us about than I thought :)

Haha! Well, there are quite a few good one's out there. I'm just trying to see for any feedback! I see your making a book for yourself? If you'd like an idea's I've got plenty in my zombie filled brain :D Or you could give me a little helping hand with some scenario's!

[Mr.Bewley.Esq 41]

I've actually posted a short story I made up off the top of my head. It's in my 'Aspiring Writer' post in the off-topic subforum.

And I'm always happy to offer ideas. I have too many to spare as it is. :)

[ching_yung 9]

I've actually posted a short story I made up off the top of my head. It's in my 'Aspiring Writer' post in the off-topic subforum.

And I'm always happy to offer ideas. I have too many to spare as it is. :)

Haha! Seem's we've got a bit in common with the writing! Nice to know there's a community of it!

[Walking Wounded 199]

Nice effort. I note many points that could do with changing. the important thing to know when you are creating a setting (very very important in the early stages of a book.) is that it must be believable. you said you were on vacation in mongolia.. sun sea and sand dont fit that destination. that one thing made me doubt what you were saying.. readers need to believe! make sure you consider the reality of the scene no mater how alien it may be.

:)

[Mr.Bewley.Esq 41]

^^ Agreed.

Once you have the setting planned out, you can build a story around it.

If to make it up as you go along you might end up with weird inconsistencies and such.

Its also better to stick with places and things you know about, rather than guessing at stuff and maybe getting it wrong.

My tidbit of advice/agreeing with others :)

Mr.Bewley.Esq

[ching_yung 9]

Nice effort. I note many points that could do with changing. the important thing to know when you are creating a setting (very very important in the early stages of a book.) is that it must be believable. you said you were on vacation in mongolia.. sun sea and sand dont fit that destination. that one thing made me doubt what you were saying.. readers need to believe! make sure you consider the reality of the scene no mater how alien it may be.

:)

Thank's for the feedback, I agree now. I'm looking back and I did some research on Mongolia and it's whereabouts to cherno. As it was close I though it would be perfect, I'm sorry I didn't get the weather right, I guess anywhere outside the UK seem's sunny!

[ching_yung 9]

^^ Agreed.

Once you have the setting planned out, you can build a story around it.

If to make it up as you go along you might end up with weird inconsistencies and such.

Its also better to stick with places and things you know about, rather than guessing at stuff and maybe getting it wrong.

My tidbit of advice/agreeing with others :)

Mr.Bewley.Esq

Thank you :) I'll be more careful with my research.

[chernojourno 226]

I liked it thus far.

I'd recommend reading "Day By Day Armageddon" especially the first book as it has a great first person driven narrative in diary format, I assume that's what you're going for.

Keep at it I'd love to see more.

Edited May 31, 2013 by Cherno Journo

[Saethkept 134]

Nice work, OP. Try to write at least 1500 words per day. Afterward, let what you've written in a given day sit overnight. When you begin anew, proofread yesterday's work before you continue the story. You'll have an easier time polishing your work this way. At any rate, writers develop many curious habits - some good, others bad - but at least the habits you develop will be uniquely yours.

Edited May 31, 2013 by Saethkept

[ching_yung 9]

Nice work, OP. Try to write at least 1500 words per day. Afterward, let what you've written in a given day sit overnight. When you begin anew, proofread yesterday's work before you continue the story. You'll have an easier time polishing your work this way. At any rate, writers develop many curious habits - some good, others bad - but at least the habits you develop will be uniquely yours.

Thank you, for the advise. I'll be making sure to do that! Sound's like a brilliant method!

[ching_yung 9]

I liked it thus far.

I'd recommend reading "Day By Day Armageddon" especially the first book as it has a great first person driven narrative in diary format, I assume that's what you're going for.

Keep at it I'd love to see more.

Indeed I am, I'll be checking the book your telling me about. I might get some good inspiration! Thank you for you're feedback!

[ango122 1]

Will you put up more of the great story?

[ching_yung 9]

Will you put up more of the great story?

I think I might :) I'm getting this book done by possible next year is my aiming point. When it's done I'm getting it published (I know a Swedish guy who publishes books e.c.t) But I hope I can show you some more :) You guys on the forum's deserve to read it!

[Mr.Bewley.Esq 41]

I've set up a thread for everybody's shrt stories.

You should post it there. :)

[ching_yung 9]

I've set up a thread for everybody's shrt stories.

You should post it there. :)

I'll have a look!