Bad Luck in DayZ: Night of the QwikScoprz

[applejaxc 2500]

So I logged into DayZ last night, onto a low-population server (literally, 4 players) because anything >30 players was giving me 400+ ping. I didn't think it would be a big deal. I promised myself I wouldn't loot the airfields or the hospital on low-pop servers a while ago because I'm so regal on my high horse.

I really didn't want to do this.

Keep in mind, the following story takes place in the span of half an hour.

So I'm in Elektrovdsk, checking the firehouse. I find an 2 AKMs, and between their loot piles, 5 magazines of ammo. Fantastic day. Couldn't have been happier. I equip it, load, and head out of the station, when the little bastard blue text shows up on my screen, meaning some prick was in the side chat.

And by prick I mean squeaker.

And by squeaker I mean child below the age of 12.

"Who da fak is shootin' in 'lektro? That ain't bloody kind of ye mate!" British or Irish or Australian or something. I don't know.

"Fuk u u little nigglet bastard!" African descent of some sort.

"I'll fuck you both in the fucking mouth if you don't shut the fucking fuck up you fucks!" Wannabe-ghetto white child.

"Hey, that isn't appropriate language. Please stop using side chat." Admin that didn't know how to kick.

By the second speaker, I facepalmed. I listened, and sure enough there was a CZ550 being fired near me. I didn't care who was shooting who or why; there's no reason for such language coming out of 3 children's mouths.

So I go running in that direction.

This is what I come across:

Dozens of dead zombies surrounding a crashed motorbike, being defended by someone with (presumably) broken legs and a CZ550. Across the street there's the first speaker, hiding behind a fence with a Makarov or Glock. Admin is driving a car down the street. Ghetto Boy is laying on the roof near them.

So as the car comes blazing down the street, a M107 round tears through the engine. The driver bailed and got knocked away with an explosion, but didn't die until I shot him with the AKM. Mr Cz550 goes crazy, shooting in my direction without aiming, or he just really sucked. Mr M107 starts spamming at me, blowing chunks in the ground everywhere.

I run around the fence, and the one with the pistol started shooting at me. Everyone (but the dead admin) is screaming some of the WORST profanities I've ever dealt with in DayZ. The only person to hit me (thank the *insert religious icon*) was the one with the shoddy pistol. I shoot my way into the hospital and loot to bandage myself.

Pretty soon I come out (not pursued, apparently) and start heading back when M107 ghetto says, "Hey, I'm gonna quickscop yer shit you fuck."

I kid you not.

This idiot jumped off a roof, spun in a circle twice, and emptied a magazine of M107. Every single shot almost hit me. Scared the piss out of me.

Then he landed, breaking his legs and knocking him unconscious. CZ550 starts crawling towards me with his pistol out, shooting and missing. I tried to shoot him and missed; the AKM broke the legs of Mr. Pistol instead. Night switches on, and I back off.

Then I think, should I kill these assholes, or...? No, better!

I lit a flare and dropped it on them. 2 sets of broken legs couldn't escape the light of a flare in the zombie apocalypse.

[Testwd3r235 2810]

So I logged into DayZ last night, onto a low-population server (literally, 4 players) because anything >30 players was giving me 400+ ping. I didn't think it would be a big deal. I promised myself I wouldn't loot the airfields or the hospital on low-pop servers a while ago because I'm so regal on my high horse.

I really didn't want to do this.

Keep in mind, the following story takes place in the span of half an hour.

So I'm in Elektrovdsk, checking the firehouse. I find an 2 AKMs, and between their loot piles, 5 magazines of ammo. Fantastic day. Couldn't have been happier. I equip it, load, and head out of the station, when the little bastard blue text shows up on my screen, meaning some prick was in the side chat.

And by prick I mean squeaker.

And by squeaker I mean child below the age of 12.

"Who da fak is shootin' in 'lektro? That ain't bloody kind of ye mate!" British or Irish or Australian or something. I don't know.

"Fuk u u little nigglet bastard!" African descent of some sort.

"I'll fuck you both in the fucking mouth if you don't shut the fucking fuck up you fucks!" Wannabe-ghetto white child.

"Hey, that isn't appropriate language. Please stop using side chat." Admin that didn't know how to kick.

By the second speaker, I facepalmed. I listened, and sure enough there was a CZ550 being fired near me. I didn't care who was shooting who or why; there's no reason for such language coming out of 3 children's mouths.

So I go running in that direction.

This is what I come across:

Dozens of dead zombies surrounding a crashed motorbike, being defended by someone with (presumably) broken legs and a CZ550. Across the street there's the first speaker, hiding behind a fence with a Makarov or Glock. Admin is driving a car down the street. Ghetto Boy is laying on the roof near them.

So as the car comes blazing down the street, a M107 round tears through the engine. The driver bailed and got knocked away with an explosion, but didn't die until I shot him with the AKM. Mr Cz550 goes crazy, shooting in my direction without aiming, or he just really sucked. Mr M107 starts spamming at me, blowing chunks in the ground everywhere.

I run around the fence, and the one with the pistol started shooting at me. Everyone (but the dead admin) is screaming some of the WORST profanities I've ever dealt with in DayZ. The only person to hit me (thank the *insert religious icon*) was the one with the shoddy pistol. I shoot my way into the hospital and loot to bandage myself.

Pretty soon I come out (not pursued, apparently) and start heading back when M107 ghetto says, "Hey, I'm gonna quickscop yer shit you fuck."

I kid you not.

This idiot jumped off a roof, spun in a circle twice, and emptied a magazine of M107. Every single shot almost hit me. Scared the piss out of me.

Then he landed, breaking his legs and knocking him unconscious. CZ550 starts crawling towards me with his pistol out, shooting and missing. I tried to shoot him and missed; the AKM broke the legs of Mr. Pistol instead. Night switches on, and I back off.

Then I think, should I kill these assholes, or...? No, better!

I lit a flare and dropped it on them. 2 sets of broken legs couldn't escape the light of a flare in the zombie apocalypse.

Reminds me of an average day on the Xbox.

[Imafighter 236]

I salute you.

[applejaxc 2500]

Reminds me of an average day on the Xbox.

You know you can just say -snip- and cut out all that gunk? XD

[GotBeanZ 45]

Shame you didn't record it. Sounds like Xbox to me! :lol:

Best. Ending. Ever.

[Testwd3r235 2810]

You know you can just say -snip- and cut out all that gunk? XD

Then I wouldn't be quoting you ;).

[Welch (DayZ) 756]

Nice story lmfao.

It does sound like a typical day on Black Ops II.

[applejaxc 2500]

Shame you didn't record it. Sounds like Xbox to me! :lol:

Best. Ending. Ever.

:) I know. I wish I had FRAPS on.

Then I wouldn't be quoting you ;).

True.

Nice story lmfao.

It does sound like a typical day on Black Ops II.

I'd never cheat on DayZ like that. XD

[GOD™ 2795]

I'd never cheat on DayZ like that. XD

Stay classy.

[applejaxc 2500]

Stay classy.

Stay classy, San Diego.

-The Anchorman.

Fuck you, San Diego.

-The Anchorman.