DayZ DUI, mishaps and the unbearable lightness of surviving

[tohtorigonzo 1]

Hello guys.

This is just a story what happened last night. I hope you enjoy it. I wish I would've recorded the session but unfortunately I didn't - it would have been hilarious to watch today.

So it all started when I came home from the local pub last night and thought wouldn't it be a splendid idea to play some Dayz. I had just the other day stashed a car full of military weapons in woods near Berezino so I thought I would just drive that stashed car nearer NW airport and call it a night. Not a big deal, right?

When I logged in I knew I was quite drunk but didn't want to let that stop me from driving my car. Well, the first problem arose when I thought that I had misplaced my car. As I was running around in circles like a madman in bushes I actually thought that some cheeky little asshole had stolen my car. I was absolutely furious when I suddenly saw it hidden behind some trees. Well, of we go I thought!

First part of driving went smoothly. Listening to some music and we were rolling! It's nice to play at night. Everyone is sleeping and I got the whole server to myself. And then BUMP! I crashed the whole car into a roadblock that seemed to come from nowhere (of course it didn't, I was just drunk as a goose) Goddamn. Well, I got off the car and inspected the damage. Nothing too serious, but I had managed to get the car stuck in someway. I tried to loosen it several minutes but it just didn't budge. I was just sitting in my car trying to think in my drunken mind what to do when I noticed several zeds flocking to my car. Shit I thought. I got off my car and furiously emptied several M1911 clips into them and was quite satisfied with myself and my aiming since I was kind of wasted.

Well. The car was still stuck so I thought 'fuck this shit' and emptied the trunk of the more valuable loot and started hiking towards west. Atleast what I thought was west since even though I had compass I had a hard time reading it (it's important to remember I was drunk out of my mind at this point, since I had opened my real life vodka from the freezer). And yes, it was hard to actually READ the compass.

Anyhow. I started hiking somewhere towards Dubrovka. Got lost somewhere along the way. But then God (or flying spaghetti monster, can't know for sure..) came and enlightened my miserable life and I just stomped across another fully functional car. It's my lucky night I thought. Well, got behind the steering wheel the second time and felt like the king of the world.

Zeds were just dropping as flies as I cruised towards the west and my glorious future - honking my horn as I went on. Oh, the night air was just flowing about... and BUMP! I crushed the motherfucker again into an outhouse. An outhouse! For fuck's sake I thought. Again I took to hiking.

Got lost in the woods. No matter I thought, I still had excellent weapons and gear and wait.. what the fuck? At thist point I noticed that I was actually dying of bleeding from the wounds that I got from the first crash.Well, no matter. Got myself bandaged and good to go. Though I was quite low on blood - so I thought it would be a good idea to slaughter a pig and get some bacon. Some shooting in the dark and WHAM! Bacon! And Zeds! Tens of zeds coming for the sound of my gun! Zeds get wasted and I get bacon. Fine, time to move on I thought.. Although, at some point when I was doing cooking fire for the meat I had dropped my sniper somewhere in the dark forest. Shit! Fuck! Well, flashlight into my pretty hand and on to look for the motherfucker.

I actually went on around to search for the damn rifle for a good half an hour. Finally found it and was good to go. Again.

This shit went on for a while. Don't actually remember what all happened after that. Only that when I logged on today morning I had absolutely no fucking idea where I was or why I had changed my PDW for a Makarov and why I was knee deep in water.

Hope you enjoyed reading. Remember kids - don't drink and drive!

[AshleyP 121]

Only that when I logged on today morning I had absolutely no fucking idea where I was or why I had changed my PDW for a Makarov and why I was knee deep in water.

That's what this game needs - strong drink, not just empty whiskey bottles. It makes you immune to pain (and radiation) but you randomly black out and wake up the next day, stark naked, standing in a pond.

Edited March 22, 2013 by AshleyP

[Zypha 7]

I had a similar experience.

I had a few drinks.. Okay I was quite drunk.. Got home and popped on DayZ. Feeling too drunk to fly the helicopter i was going to give it to one of my clan. Where I had parked the helicopter was a struggle when sober. Long story short - I crashed the helicopter before I got 10 feet in the air and wiped out our stockpile.