Ted: A Fictitious Retelling of a True Event

[applejaxc 2500]

"Don't shoot," I ordered. "He's unarmed."

"Like hell I won't! I'm hungry, and I"m not going to let him take all the food because you feel bad." Eric pulled the bolt back on his rifle. I stayed his hand. "Please," I begged. "Have we not shed enough blood this day? We hardly escaped the zeds getting out of the harbor."

"And your panzy ass is the reason we didn't escape with food. Now shut up so I can aim. He just ran into the damn market."

"Then stay here, and I"ll go down to talk to him. We don't need to make more noise than my Kalashnikov." Eric sighed, exasperated. "Fine, but you have ten minutes."

I thanked him and rose, wiping grass and dirt from my hoodie and jeans. I could hardly tell him apart from the brush; the leaves of his home-made ghillie suit blended into the ground perfectly.

Before I walked into Starry, I checked the magazine in my rifle, and the clips around my body. I left my daypack with Eric, to keep my silhouette as small as possible; you never know when there's another sniper. The revolver on my hip was pathetically light, with only two cartridges. Maybe the chap at the base of the hill had some to spare?

I walked into Stary Sobor quietly, rifle lazily hanging from its lanyard. The absence of zombies bothered me, but the lack of human remains moreso. There was a flipped, rusting truck halfway into a building, door missing and cabin smeared with blood, but nothing worth taking.

The door to the market jingled open, damn bells. I snapped the rifle up, weary of my fellow human. When no shots were fired, I moved in, scanning each display isle. Rotted meat and spilled drinks formed a smell mess, though I was long used to the smell of the dead and found this stench no worse.

Thinking the other survivor had left, I turned to go, before I heard a cough and sniffle. There was an adjacent room I hadn't seen, door closed. Very cautiously, I nosed it open with the barrel of my gun.

"Don't shoot!" Whoever was on the other side yelled.

"Shush, you fool. I will not kill you." Such noise was not wanted. "What is your name?"

"T-ted," he coughed. "I'm unarmed."

"I know. I watched you walk into town. You have any food on you?" I shoved the door open and sidestepped into the room, taking a bead on his chest. "Yeah, you have any meds? I'm awful sick."

I had some in my bag, back on the hill with Eric. "Yeah, get up."

Ted rose. He was a wreck: Bullet in his thigh, a cut in his arm, shirt a string of threads. He smiled, and I saw a gap of black between his rows of yellow teeth. "Oi, we really oughta get you cleaned up. I'm Applejaxc."

Ted nodded and sighed. "I know I"m a mess. But I've got boots on my feed and some food in my stomach. I'll live. Things aren't so bad."

"I suppose not. Listen, there's a man east of town with a rifle watching the market. He's friendly, but any funny business and you're dead. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Take this in case we meet trouble." I drew my revolver and carefully handed it to him. "Two shots, be careful."

Ted took the pistol and nodded. He followed me out the back door of the market.

We swooped around the town and met Eric, not encountering trouble. "Ollie ollie oxen free," I chirped before approaching. "This is Ted. He's friendly, and he has food." Eric nodded and got into a crouch slowly, not taking his eyes from Stary. "I thought I saw a truck come through... I don't know. You guys here anything?"

"No," Ted and I replied in unison as I sifted through my bag and he through his. A slab of meat in exchange for painkillers and some antibiotics. Ted popped his pills and smiled. "Thank you both."

"Sure thing. Can we get the revolver back?"

Ted smiled wider. "Sure thing." He raised it and fired. I was quick, Eric not so; a bullet found Eric between the shoulders. I hit the ground, then scrambled to my feet. A bullet found my leg and I fell to the grass again. Ted laughed and stood, going to Eric's body to take his rifle. An engine roared to life, and a truck drove out of the treeline, churning up the hillside. I lay on my back, rifle across my chest, pretending to be dead as four men-bandits, those bastards!-filed out of their vehicle. "Good job, Ted. You can take the idiot's AK."

"Thanks, Jim." Ted walked over to me. I raised my rifle and shot him in the chest, dead, revenge for Eric, before the others opened fire. I tumbled down the hill, losing my gun and my bag, and almost enough blood to die. The truck took off again.

When I came to, it was dark. I went up to Eric's body and found a pistol and some bandages. The bullets hurt, but that meant I was alive. "That truck took off south..." I mumbled. "...and I'm going to follow it."

It took three hours for me to loot up to anything near my previous setup. In the south-west airfield I found a M136 LAW with two rockets and a MP5KSD with enough ammo to deal with a few zombies. I was getting ready to go, after extinguishing my fire and finishing off dinner, when I heard a truck. "Revenge time." The truck stopped, with its headlights on, bathing a helicopter in fine, white light. It was very recently repaired, with decent parts, save a windshield that was full of holes. The blades spun up with the deep wub-wub-wub of helicopter flight.

I took the M136 from my back and pulled it onto my shoulder. "FOR ERIC!" I fired. The missile streaked across the airfield and exploded against the tail of the craft, after it was a good ten feet in the air. It climbed quickly, through clockwise by the missile. It spun out of control, with its damaged rotors. I saw it lift high, then swoop low, catching the roof of the truck. By the time I reloaded, both exploded into a great fireball.

I took aim, and prepared to fire again. I could see the outlines of survivors against the fire, scrambling to make sense of the incident when I heard the tell-tale moan of zombies, and a lot of them, attracted to noise and light like the proverbial insect to sweet nectar or honey. Ten, then a dozen, then a score of the monsters surrounded my enemies and tore them apart. Their screams guided me all the way back to Chernogorsk, where I found a soda to celebrate.

[applejaxc 2500]

Watch out for Ted.

[Steak and Potatoes 13480]

Ted wears applebottom jeans and the boots with the fur

[applejaxc 2500]

Ted wears applebottom jeans and the boots with the fur

I did a google search to know what "Applebottom Jeans" were.

Are you suggesting Ted is a whore black woman?

[applejaxc 2500]

Now that I think about it, I think I've fought this "Ted" twice on the same server.

[applejaxc 2500]

I was expecting a bit of a better turnout based on my last few short stories... XD

Guess my ego really overcarried my expectations!