The Stoned Wolf

What if there was some satirical or silly background to contrast against the harsh world? Maybe if you were desperate and hiding alone you could always remember how this all started and have a laugh? For example: In the not-so-distant future, McDonald's went from simple fast food chain to a super-massive corporate empire seemingly overnight. Fast food would remain their chief product; however, new stores would open as well. Every common consumerist industry would be taken over; clothing, pet stores, sports equipment, even medicine and biotechnology. This particular field was where the suits at the head of the executive branch got a fantastic idea; a genetically engineered parasite that would take over the minds of simple-minded consumers and force them to buy at none other than McDonald's Enterprises. How would it be spread? Why, through Big Macs and Chicken Nuggets of course! Over the course of a couple months hundreds of millions were unknowingly taken over by the parasite, soon to become nothing more than a zombie if they weren't one already, forced to constantly purchase goods from McDonald's. However, the plan went horribly wrong. See, the lab scientists over at McDonald's didn't exactly properly test the newly engineered serum. Why would they? It's not like any other of McDonald's franchises had proper testing and research. So when the parasite took hold of its host after a week or so, the infected zombies weren't just craving for cow flesh; they were craving for humans', too! And so the billion or so people that were left in the world who ate at Wendy's or Taco Bell or some other random chain were mostly killed off and eaten alive by the human-eating McDonald's drones. The few survivors left tried to travel to post-soviet lands, because in Soviet Russia, human eat zombie. The most popular place to travel was known as Chernarus due to its incredibly cheap travel price. You wonder why this is as you travel by boat to the coast, only to have an explosion knock you off the boat and into the water, first starting your new life in Chernarus with nothing more than some clothes and a flashlight...

While something like a pure PVE server would be a bit too easy and boring in alpha with so few zombies, at a later date when zombies are a lot more dangerous and prevalent and there are more things to do I think it would be a great idea. Not everyone wants to constantly PK or be on the lookout just to shoot everyone on sight, so maybe if there was a PVE server that included things such as large hordes, base building, a constantly changing and unpredictable environment, etc. without the possibility of there being any shot on sight I can see myself having fun with that. At the moment however the game's main entertainment and attraction is through player versus player interaction. While I've already seen two or three servers that apparently instakick/ban just for PVPing, for the most part I think everyone will agree.

Heyo forums, this is my first time coming back to the actual DayZ general discussion in a while. I played the mod for hours upon hours but eventually stopped and just posted in the off-topic section, but now that standalone has come out I decided to get back into the game. I'm a 13 year old and before you run away screaming "squeaker, squeaker!" my voice is not that annoying, I'm usually pretty quiet, and I'm pretty lighthearted about everything, so please don't worry about me sounding like some 7 year old brat who cries every time something goes wrong. I live in Arizona so ideally someone who lives in the U.S. and is around my age group would be fantastic. You can find me on Steam by the name Mickusey, and I can communicate through TeamSpeak 3, Ventrilo, or Skype. Thanks!

I'm 13, and have only just started playing the standalone but played the mod a ton, suppose we could meet up and make a group considering you're in my age range. Steam name?

I highly doubt it. While it has been stated that, if the game is successful enough and features work out as planned that there might be console ports, it would be at an absolute minimum of a year from now and would probably have some gameplay differences.

Very interesting. I would recommend reinstalling DayZ first of all and see if that makes any difference, that's usually a good place to start. While performance is generally expected to be lower than in ARMA it isn't usually seen of this caliber.

Hm, that is especially odd you get little FPS increase on lowest settings. Does ARMA II itself run fine, or does it affect both DayZ and the main game? Also, are your drivers fully up to date? Have there been any problems with the card overheating or stuttering? Have you checked your GPU usage while playing?

What resolution are you running at? Are you sure your old PC was running in max settings as well? ARMA II is known for being incredibly taxing and also seems to randomly decide how to perform at times, try out high or medium and report back on your FPS. The most I've heard anyone get out of DayZ on max average is 45 FPS mainly due to bad optimization and what not, so don't expect it to run superbly even if you have an enthusiast card.

I spawned... and a little southern kid with a mic began to call me stupid! I nearly died just hearing the it!

Have you installed and started both Operation Arrowhead and Arma 2 at least once?

I'd suggest looking up a guide if you must. The controls can take some time to get used to, but it's better to discover the actual mechanics on your own.

Awesome! Hope you enjoy both DayZ and Arma 2, both are great fun! :)

Your preference. As long as it contains at least Arma 2 and Operation Arrowhead, you're fine.

You can technically use Arma 2 Free in conjunction with the paid Arma OA, however it may not work as well. Otherwise you can either buy the combined operations pack from the Bohemia website or from Steam at a $20 USD fee. Then download DayZ commander and you're good!

Ejaculation.

Who the hell ever said DayZ was 'fun?' It's a horrible nightmare that will make you rock in a fetal position and cry your heart out every other day T__T The only reason anyone would ever truly play it was if they wanted to get their bodies pumped with adrenaline and/or get their hearts going a mile a minute.

How about ZOMBIES EATING THE CORPSES? Z0mG!1!!ONE!!!11! That'd be amazing! But it does seem interesting OP. Maybe there could be a larger group of birds depending on how long the body has been dead. Which brings me back to my idea about bodily decay...

I questioned what this thread was going to be about when I read "Infected Children." EDIT: Fine, I'll be on topic if I must ;). I think it would add an interesting element to DayZ and would, in my opinion, make it creepier. Just imagine a five year old little girl in a ripped, bloody dress chasing you down and eating you alive. Not pleasant. Which is exactly why it belongs!

Inb4graveyard? Maybe?

We're not sure about it yet, Rocket really hasn't gotten too much into the standalone zombies. We'll see as time goes on.

Here's your first can of beans just for that witty comment! xD And I recommend "Balota Buddies" They are a UK/US outfit that contain all private, white-listed servers. Basically you present them with your "GUID," they check if you've ever hacked, and if you're legit, you pass. Also, mods can trace emails to other websites, and we have caught many a hacker there as well, so watch out if you get any ideas ;)

I actually remember joining this server and ended up both getting teleported and killed on it. I'm pretty sure that it's infested with hackers anyway, but the most you can do is hope an admin checks and finds something (if he's not a hacker himself). And why don't you play on private hives? 90% satiates the hacking problem.

So... you bambis are still bitching and whining about how the game is too hard, huh? WELL NOT ANY LONGER! Because now, out of pure generosity (and boredom) I have stiched together the ultimate guide to survival... in DayZ. STEP 1: FOOD So it seems some noobs love to ask about where the best place to find food are. Well, I can safely tell you that that shit is completely worthless! All it gives you is damn diarrhea and loss of energy, and does nothing to help you except "nourish" you or something. Especially beans; that shit is baaaaad voodoo. Remember, hunger doesn't exist in the apocalypse. STEP 2: DRINKS Drinks, like food, are incredibly worthless and shit. All they do is do something called "hydrate" you or some shit. Half the time I'm sure the soda's expired anyway. AND STAY AWAY FROM MTN. DEW. It is made from undead bigfoot piss; not exactly a good source of nutrients, if you ask me. STEP 3: DISEASE In the wasteland, disease is a blessing. All you have to do is sit in some rain or go for a swim, and it gives you a constant source of pain to numb your suicidal thoughts! Can anything more really be said? STEP 4: EQUIPMENT Okay, so what's with all this hype around equipment? Surrrreee, you can get powerful guns that give you an edge over other survivors, but who gives a shit about that when you can just use your fists and finally reenact that zombie Chuck Norris movie that never happened? Or at least use a crowbar and let your inner Gordon Freeman run wild. STEP 5: VEHICLES Vehicles are honestly horrible. All they do is give you a massive amount of storage space and let you go "faster." I mean, who gives a shit about that stuff? All you need to do is man-up and start running like Usain Bolt. Not that hard! STEP 6: "SAFE" PLACES So, some people in DayZ say that there isn't a safe place. But that's just a sack of potatoes! Big cities and military bases such as the North West Airfield are completely safe, friendly places that are good to check out for beginners who need starter gear. The best part? These areas are completely devoid of snipers! Just avoid empty rural areas and woods, players can be encountered here every other minute STEP 7: CONCLUSION So, if you're too lazy to read all the way through this, here's a basic summary of what I said: -Never eat food. It's bad voodoo. -Hydrating yourself isn't important and serves no value. -Disease is a blessing, you'll want to catch one ASAP. -Good equipment is over rated and bare hands/crowbars are much better to use. -Remember, seemingly empty rural areas are almost always a guaranteed death, but big cities such as Cherno/Elektro or military bases such as the NWAF are basically assured protection. Questions?

I believe he was talking about the female zombie that could be seen in the new screen shots today in rocket's announcement, and I think he's wondering if zombies will have.... different clothes? I apologize if we look like idiots OP :)

I know, all those other damn tutorials just teach how to die. This is the real man's guide right here!