Before you all send me to the other sub-forums, understand that I'm not here to report a hacker, I'm here to provide you with a tale and perhaps a chuckle. I bear no malice towards this hacker, and whilst I don't condone his actions, I have to admit, he was probably my favorite person I've met playing DayZ in three months. I also apologize for my writing, I might be a little over-dramatic or otherwise lacking in literary execution. I was running from camp out way up north (somewhere, not important) using GPS to find "creative shortcuts" on a day server I frequent. I had just convinced a friend to play DayZ and naturally, that means I'm on babysitting duty and have to run south to the coast to teach him the basics. I loaded up on cheap gear and headed off into the wilderness not five minutes prior to the meeting. He was holding an m4a1 SD and looking off into the wilderness. Mind you, this is a gun I want, one I want badly enough to shoot on sight for (which, forgive me, but out of necessity is my usual policy anyways), but something possessed me to not shoot, as if telling me that this one is special, this is one I should greet. As so I did, I swallowed my bandit mistrust and broadcast over voice, "Friendly, do not shoot!" He turned to look at me, and we did the strafe-so-he-can't-hit-you dance for a minute before I went all in and saluted him. He ceases to dance around and speaks back to me in the voice of a leader, a fatherly and confident voice, "Are you lost, son," he asks. Confused, charmed and unwilling to have to replace all my tents by answering wrongly, I play ball. "Uhh, yeah, I guess" I manage to say awkwardly, approaching slowly. "Are you looking for someone, son?" He stands to his full height, faithful that I won't shoot him, this is the demeanor of a man with faith, a man who knows he is being protected. "Are you lost in the woods looking for the lord?" I pause. The lord. He wins, I'm cracking up over mumble at my friends who have no idea what's transpiring in the game. This person is my new best friend, he had me there, but no, I wasn't ready to lose him just yet. "Yes! The lord! I seek the lord." To his credit, he didn't miss a beat in responding, the same fatherly voice that I've associated with a holy father or preacher since youth reaches my ears again: "Son, the look no further, for I am here to deliver you!" I begin to panic, 'deliver' 'deliverance'? Is he going to kill me, I wonder, suddenly serious. Am I going to have to kill my best friend in the world for my survival? Is this Battle Royale? He begins to run towards to clearing, his back turned to me in a display of trust I can't believe. He broadcasts for me to follow him, and I'm powerless to resist. I follow him to the clearing, doing the don't-snipe-me-bro dance just in case; I've seen how this movie ends... "The lord delivers to all his subjects. But what does he deliver for you?" He looks aside and tinkers for a moment. I can't believe my eyes, where once was nothing now stands a perfectly repaired offroad truck. This guy is a hacker. But he's not done quite yet, his tone changes to something reminiscent of Bob Barker: "The lord has delivered unto you, A BRAND NEW TRUCK!" I'm laughing my ass off, nearly pissing myself at this point, my countersniper dance has ceased and it takes all of my will to merely salute this man, nay, this genius. I regain my composure and enter the car to see it is in fact in perfect condition. I hop out and half-laughing over the mic proclaim "What a generous lord, all hail!" a shout to which he joins. After a few holy minutes, we make to part ways, him to his hacking and me to my picking up friends in my brand new shiny white truck. As we depart, I thank him for his generous gift to which he modestly denies and says I should thank the lord by attending church on sundays. I tell him I'll be there for sure and we part ways. I was supposed to move on Sunday because my lease ends on Tuesday, but instead, this Sunday I will be at church in Pustoshka, and I invite you all to join me (I really actually don't, because you're all just going to shoot me if I did...) in thanks. Hacker friend, I wish you the best in your day-making exploits (as long as they remain good-natured and on the right side of the EULA) and hope that we cross paths again. You know the server. :)
