Crowbar Man

Nobody should accept this child's offer. He's 16 and runs a server with infinite helicopters and all repaired vehicles. I might as well be hacking. Worthless and a waste of time.

Hello, my name is Crowbar Man. I am a 22 year old American player who is looking for a team of Bandits/Player Killers. I'm specialized as a skilled sniper and anti-sniper. I have very highly informed and detailed knowledge of terrain which I use to great advantage both while sniping and while counter sniping. To contact me please private message your contact information; Skype, Teamspeak, Mumble, Ventrillo, Etc.

Your interests match my own. We should team up. Send me contact Info via PM. Skype/Teamspeak/Vent/Mummble/whatever.

22 year old highly experienced player here. Give me TS info so we can talk.

Give me contact info and I'll team with you. Teamspeak, Skype, Ventrilo or whatever.

This story was no fabrication. These events actually happened to me.

I was bored and wanted to play a game. So I thought to myself, Crowbar Man, what is my favorite game? The answer soon came to my mind. Why, DayZ of course! I wonder why I stopped playing DayZ....... ------------ Derp 1.0 ------------ I hop on a server, spawn, grab a gun, skillfully comb through the landscape in Electro in persuit of snipers. I find a sniper wielding a hacked in Thermal AS50 and shoot him in the head. I shoot him 12 times directly in the head. He stands up, turns to me. Looks me straight in the eyes and whispers.... "Noob." Then every single person in the server instantly drops dead. ------------ Derp 2.0 ------------ As I sit there mouth a gap staring at the kill screen I think to myself.."Surely that was a one time occurance. I'll join another server and begin again." I join a nice looking server, spawn, grab a gun and proceed down the road to Electro. Once I arrive I skillfully maneuver the terrain combing the landscape for snipers. I locate one and pump a generous helping of lead in to his brain. In response to this he stands up and turns to me. He then looks off to one side and 3 Helicopters appear out of thin air. He walks over to one, all the while being shot in the head, lifts himself into the cockpit and flies away. I stand there, a bit uneased by the fact that bullets no longer appear to have any effect when launched at high velocity through a human brain. While reflecting on this matter a Helicopter crashes in to me and I disintegrate. ------------ Derp 3.0 ------------ I've never been one for superstition but fuck it. Third time's the charm. I load in, grab a gun, run off to Electro, get hungry, find a cow, shoot it in the head. The cow turns to look me in the eyes. I already know what's coming....He opens his bovine mouth and utters a single word. "Noob." Everyone on the server instantly dies and the server shuts down. "Hmm," I think to myself. "Well, at least I remember why I stopped playing DayZ."

I'm looking for people to team up with. No children please. Nothing personal kids, I just can't stand listening to the high pitched voice of somebody who's balls haven't yet dropped. I have Teamspeak, Skype, Steam, and various other methods of contact. I will most likely be communicating to you in-game through Teamspeak, however. Send me a private message or post your contact info here. Whichever you feel like. My current gear is Ghillie Suit, 24 slot Backpack, Night Vision Goggles, AS50 Anti-Material Rifle, L85 Thermal, Range Finder, and so on. Inexperienced players who feel this gear is impossible to obtain may not apply. In otherwords NO FUCKNG CASUALS. Joining me means you will kill. You will kill often. You will kill the innocent and you will kill the guilty. You will know no fear. You will know no mercy. Your mission will be to end life on a mass scale as quickly, silently and efficiently as possible. You will be the hand of death.

Actually I don't have a ghillie suit. I need one but I don't have one yet. The answer to why I have zero kills is not that my debug monitor is frozen or that I'm a hacker. The situation is that I recently died and resupplied at my campsite.

Post your best gear.

I'm the world's most extreme Bandit. I am the Bicycle Bandit.

Hello, my name is Crowbar Man. I am a Bandit. My sniping is too hardcore for simply one AS50. I carry two AS50s. Why? Because I'm double the sniper you are.

I spawned in Kamenka after falling to my death. I quickly noticed an AFK player standing next to a helicopter. I got into the helicopter, killed the AFK player with the machine gun, got out and looted his body. He had an L110A1, which to the best of my knowledge is NOT a gun that spawns in DayZ. Because of this, I could only assume he had hacked in all his items including the helicopter. My response to realizing this was to suicide bomb the helicopter to destroy it and all of the hacked items I had taken. The player's in-game name was Nick. I hope he gets perma-banned.

Your entire DayZ experience in one short clip!