LeeHarveyEnfield

we were minding our own business, enjoying the relative peace of southern cherno when he appeared. Gun lowered he skipped around in front of us on tippy toes as if to imply his lack of aggression would render him immune to my inner beast. he couldn't have been more wrong. I raised my m4 and lined up the sights through my damaged scope and peppered him with bullets killing him dead. 'Oh shit' I thought to myself, 'the world is watching' so I muttered some empty words about feeling guilty as I rifled through his gear, my joy getting the better of me as I scream out loud 'Look at his gear, this guy must be really pissed' I laughed out loud as did my friend but it's ok... ...because I'm Dean Rocket2guns Hall and when I kill on sight it's art so shut up and f*ck off.

cherno was busy, I had heard shotguns firing near the docks, a burst of AK rounds a few seconds later and someone was doing their level best to recite the 1812 overture using only a lee enfield, he was near the construction sight. I struggle to find the words to express precisely how much I despised this imbecile. watching from the roof of the hospital, a smile on my face as he fired at least 16 shots and killed only 3 zombies my mind was made up. It was written. he had to die. the rain helped as I managed to weave my way across the network of industrial yards without picking up any zeds, pausing occasionally to take advantage of 3rd person I kept an eye on our noobs progress. Now inside the construction sight he was working his way up through the floors no doubt looking for more enfield magazines to waste. I found him in the stairwell applying a bandage, again using 3rd person I remained out of sight while I watched and waited, he finished and stood up. up he went to the roof. I went prone and rolled to the ladder then began to climb. he heard me, 'hello?' came the voice. I stopped my ascent, remained silent and watched him crouch walk to the entrance of the stairwell, he hesitated and then repeated 'hello?' god what a pathetic specimen. To hell with it I thought, i'd seen his skill with a rifle so I had no fear as I bolted up the ladder, crouched and slipped into 1st person. 'hey, I got no ammo' he whimpered I replied 'well, isn't that just peachy' 'please don't shoot, do you have blood?' this was becoming nauseating 'no, I don't have any blood' I replied, 'I've come to kill you' the pathetic wretch made a dash for the stairs but I was already sprinting towards him, in his panic he misjudged the staircase and did that stuck in treacle thing when the character fails to move. he hit the talk button and cried 'no, wait i'm.....' my shots spoke louder than his cries. satisfying silence followed.

I logged into a non pvp server tonight and played with carebears, doing what carebears do. what do carebears do? and what do they get out of a sterilised safe zombie apocalypse experience? I haven't the foggiest idea, I did learn something though as I viewed the world through the strange terrified eyes of a carebear. I met one at balota and studied him like the strange animal he is. the carebear and his fears The carebear, like all players fear death, dying, from zeds yes but his real fear, the thing he dreads more than anything is death from players and losing his gear to players, all those hours of being careful and lucky reduced, in a moment, to nothing at the whim of a cold uncaring stranger armed with quicker reactions, zero conscience and a total absence of hesitation when presented with the rank stupidity of another victim. No sir, not for me thank you sighs the relieved carebear. it seems to me he fears defeat because, for christs sake he gets enough of that in real life, his life is one long trail of defeat piled upon defeat, he plays this game for fun goddammit and it ain't no fun dying all the time and being constantly reminded of his rank inferiority, this is not why he hides in his room hunched over a keyboard. The carebear and his desires to live in harmony with all other players, to exist within a culture of helpfulness and cooperation, in a world free of violent murder and theft and deceit, a womb in which to curl up and take refuge from the harsh realities of existence. A harp music filled playroom populated with friends and everyone has a car and you know that bob geezer, he will do anything for yer, a true gent he is, god I love it here. in a nutshell they desire a life devoid of effort or risk. my teacher explained the servers most holy laws #1 don't kill players if a guy shoots you have to accept it, admin will refund your gear. #2 don't steal, if you find a tent or vehicle or dead player you are not allowed to loot and that is considered theft and you will be banned #3 no swearing or trolling in side chat, talking is fine but only friendly stuff oh, and #4 have fun the carebear and what he got None of the above as it turns out as I promptly broke the 1st three rules by screaming 'ANARCHY MOTHERF*CKERS!!!' into side chat while lighting my friend up with the DMR i'd just stolen from his backpack and all the time keeping one eye firmly fixed on rule #4.

Right now i'm listening to his internal monologue externalised via teamspeak, mindless drivel and dreary bullshit has been filling the air between us for 10 dreadful minutes now, so I decide to award myself a well earned breather. 'how far are you?' I interrupt 'exactly?' the silence that follows is beautiful and has a real tangible substance to it no doubt provided by his obvious confusion and psychological disarray 'uh, eh, wha....' he murmurs all anxious and lost 'how far what?' Christ, he truly is a halfwit.... 20 ploddingly mundane minutes later I've logged back in on cherno docks, my world is completely devoid of any colour thanks to both my characters lack of blood and my comms companions lack of anything you'd reasonably describe as a personality, he's wielding his anti-personality like a huge fun absorbing sponge sucking the energy and enjoyment out of everything. To say the least I am impatient to get this done. 'OK, I need to get off, just blood me then I need to log' I say, it is important to note that I was only considering killing him at this point. 'I thought we were gonna try and fix up the ural' he whined and thus he made my mind up for me, 'nah, you have it, now quick, do my blood' I think my hitherto repressed anger is beginning to shape my words which is no bad thing 'ok ok i'm doing it' game - 'blood transfusion completed successfully' me - 'lovely job, thanks for that' him - 'no problem, sure you don't want to help me get the ural going?' me - 'I can think of nothing i'd like less' him - 'whats your problem dude I just ran 9 km to blood you and you.....blah blah blah...' In game i switched to my lee enfield, raised it and hovered the end of the barrel over his characters face '...blah doing a favour blah blah blah...' 'BANG!!!' and in that wonderful brief moment half an hour of boredom and disdain and impatience, all until now corked at high pressure in the name of survival, were suddenly unleashed upon a wave of pure win. the rage that he bombarded me with after that was so special, so sweet, so full of shock and disbelief and fury and pain and disappointment and tears that I just cant bring myself to share it, not with you, not with anyone, it was 5 or 6 seconds of pure distilled unadulterated anguish sent from a tortured soul as if from the very depths of hells fiery pits of eternal suffering and it was still building to a climax when I kicked him off teamspeak. and while he sat staring at the death screen I said lustily into direct chat 'that - felt - sooo - damned - goooooood' followed by loud raucous laughter, mine and my 4 friends who were watching and waiting for me to get done so we could go to the pub. it was to the echoes of that terrible cacophonic laughter that our friend, the medic finally DC'd

I gather that you too used to run with the buttprince halcyon days indeed.

'tring tring tring' rang the bell, it seems this dim-witted cyclist just can't contain his elation at reaching the petrol station near solnichniy, he is utterly overwhelmed by the desire to announce his presence. 'tring tring' like a tragic mating call. 'BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!' replied my lee enfield from behind the fuel tank and his bell ringing days were over. I called out in direct chat 'cheers for the heads up' and after a chuckle I added 'w4nker' he left the server immediately.

long story short a semi literate forum member pm'd me to ask if i'd like to help him kill some players, I replied saying i'd 'like nothing more' and we met on Skype to concoct a plan. He'll be reading this so I shall refrain from spewing forth precisely what I think of him, suffice it to say he's a 15 year old back stabbing cretin. the plan was simple, he'd bring them to the NEAF to see if the little bird had spawned in and i'd start throwing grenades while they refuelled for the trip to devils castle to see if the Russian had spawned in. My friend would be safely out of harms way, with me in the ATC after going 'AFK' to join me on Skype. his motive? well in his words - 'mate they always takin the piss cos i'm younger but they're only 22 or something an they always take the best gear' I was prone inside the observation deck when they arrived, driving from the south and around the furthest hangar which they passed without slowing before driving into the nearest hangar. the engine stopped and I heard shots as they dealt with aggro, more zeds ran their way and the shooting continued, a lone bandit appeared and headed straight for the tower, no doubt our little judas come to take his seat in the royal box. the vehicle came out and as expected pulled up close to the fuel tank and one of them began refuelling while 2 others took up defensive positions, one next to the UAZ the other by the wall looking out over the runway. I'm crouched now, my AKM is out and fully loaded as I look down the sights at the scene below, ah, I turn just as judas appears at the top of the stairs and goes prone, he joins me on Skype - 'they think i'm AFK *giggle* can you see em?' i scream in Skype 'FRESH OUT OF SILVER I'M AFRAID, HERE'S 30 PIECES OF LEAD' then I empty the full magazine into his risible form. before the server has registered his death I have switched to grenades. Judas is blabbing in Skype about arseholes and why? and promises of revenge and and more why? but the words i SHOUTED into direct brought him to silence ' ******** SENDS HIS LOVE' this was followed by the concussion of the first grenade. straight into the kill zone and 2 are down, only the hero by the UAZ is alive and he is still trying to figure out what the hell is going on, I throw the second but it overshoots and although he surely felt it he doesn't go down. back on the AKM i send 3 or 4 measured bursts his way and finish him off, he hadn't so much as looked up in my direction throughout the whole episode he was quite literally oblivious. judas began to speak but i closed Skype and got busy looting.

rage, my good friend, fuels me

four of us on foot, all armed with automatic rifles, except me with the military shotgun, are running down the hill towards the green car that just pulled up outside the hospital in elektro. we are in full attack mode, hunters with the sticky scent of blood in our nostrils, our plan is simple and we each know our role. nothing is said as we head down through the town like the wind towards our positions. the 2 saps looting the hospital have no idea what's coming their way, if they did they'd probably log. Mac is on the school roof with a DMR scaredkid with his trusty AKM is opposite the front of the hospital just next to the alley boomer is covering the rear with an M4cco I reach my spot my military shotgun fully loaded I am waiting just around the side of the hospital. the words are delivered clearly and calmly 'drop your guns. go prone. crawl into the street. or die' I hear shuffling and reloading and I don't hesitate, I prance sideways along the front of the hospital and pop a couple of barrels off, I only see one guy and I hear his leg break but he lives, he shots and i'm hit, but it's a scratch, meanwhile I have reloaded, 2 more pops and he's done. flies gather even before I have sidestepped out of view to apply a bandage. I see scaredkid, he crouch runs across the road from the alley and without stopping lets go a short burst, and another needless death occurs. boomer pipes up in direct chat 'we're gonna defile your corpse nobhead' and as the green cars engine spluttered into life both the deceased DC'd

you troll clumsily sir, and without guile

splendid

three of em darting around the industrial area of berezino, no doubt scavenging for parts to repair some car or whatnot, whatever, they are too busy too notice me slowly working my way down from the town. They seem to have forgotten that zeds are the least of their worries in this game. I climb up onto the office building roof for a final scout out before I make my move, I am prone and through my binos I see two of them hacking away at a zed, the third is now down by the docks. If you ask me he seems a little isolated out there, alone. Game on. I sprint around through the trees, I pick up a little aggro but soon manage to lose it, I circle right around to the coast and crouch near the dock where I patiently wait for a glimpse of my first victim. There, by the blue doors, he has his hatchet out as he enters the warehouse, about 50 metres away, I don't think about it, i'm on my way running with my AK out, full mag. I get to the small shed closest to where he is, he exits the warehouse and heads away from me, I lean around the corner and let go a burst into his risible form, he goes down and begins to crawl and roll in the dirt, a second well placed burst ends his pain. now for the other 2, do I go hunt em? or wait for them to come and hunt me? decisions decisions lol, in the meantime I loot the corpse. Not much to write home about, I take the Czech backpack and refill it with my stuff then hide the body. I hear aggro, then some shots from a revolver, close, maybe 75 -100 metres. my decision has been made for me, the hunters approach. sprinting back towards the docks I keep an eye out but don't spot them, I crouch in the ocean just out of sight using 3rd person. there's one. over by the warehouse. He's crouch walking slowly towards the spot where his buddy so ingloriously died, he enters the building and then exits again and pauses. I pop up and let him have a burst, the bullets smash into his head and neck killing him before he knows what happened and I giggle the words 'stupid bitch in direct chat. so, two of us left, 1 v 1, mano y mano, I have nowhere to go the ocean at my back the beach clear in front of me, only the rise in terrain hides my position. I reload my AK and notice I have only 4 rounds remaining so I decide to switch to the mk48, I am in the process of switching when I hear the shots, I turn to see him on the docks I try to raise my weapon but the egg timer is up and I am down. He finishes me with the hatchet. good game.

i'm nothing if not open to new experiences, this morning I thought 'let's see what all the fuss is about, where is the pleasure to be found in exercising restraint?' there is of course only one way to find out. I had blood thanks to the vast medical stash I found on the off roader, I also had a mk48 mod and 4 mags, all I needed was to find some mug to do me the favour. it wasn't a long wait facing the airstrip through the hangars, I was behind the wrecked vehicle stocking up on loot when a player crouch walked past the gap at the runway end, from left to right. he paused about halfway across and he could definitely see the dead hero but I don't think he saw me because he switched to a hatchet and continued on his way. I took the parallel path behind the back of the hangar at full sprint, I peeked around and waited. he didn't appear. Then I heard aggro coming from inside the hangar. Listen, i'd love to tell you that I had this plan that involved holding this guy up and after disarming him I get him to blood me, we decide we can get the off roader fixed up in no time, it only needs a fucking wheel to get it going then we can hit the docks and make her like new. Maybe take her down to elektro and play ambulances for all the lunatics shooting chunks out of each other but this ain't no Frankie video. I rounded the corner real slow in first person, he was swiping away at the zeds with the axe. I waited for him to deal with it although at one point I almost had to intervene as he was incapable of hitting the zeds and I feared they'd steal my kill. But to my relief he got there in the end. he saw me and started to run. 'BANDAGE IDIOT' he stopped and the animation began, I immediately ran over and gave him blood. he thanked me, I assured him he was safe as long as he dropped his weapons, he did. me -'ok, do you have blood?' him - 'yes, in my backpack gimme a sec' me - 'nice one, there's an m4 at the bottom of the ladder at the ATC' him - 'did you kill em?' me - 'yes sir I surely did' game - 'blood transfusion completed successfully' him - 'i'm friendly' me - 'I know' him - 'ok, i'll check the bodies out, cheers for the blood' me - 'fill yer boots' off he scampered towards the ATC, I could tell he never took his eyes off me in 3rd person. once he was out of sight I reloaded, I knew I didn't need to but I love the animation, more than that I wanted him to hear it. I waited until I thought he'd be about halfway to the tower and followed, he was running backwards, aggro again and of course, this time, he had no way of defending himself, I killed 3 zeds and picked up 4 or 5 more, I had just lost them behind the small shed next to the fuel tank when the first rounds came in. Those of you who play this game for moments like this will understand just how great this feeling was, the adrenalin, that feeling of being in the moment, of time slowing down. it is without a doubt the finest gaming experience I have ever enjoyed, win or lose THIS is the prize. the kill was unexceptional, he fired again as I made a run for the ATC. bleeding i entered the building and bandaged next to the stairs while outside he was dealing with aggro. Once bandaged I ate some goat and drank a soda, hell, if i'm going to die i'll die on a full stomach. about 45 seconds later he came running around the corner right into my sights and I pushed my left mouse button so fucking hard it stuck. I sat back as the death message popped up and just enjoyed the sound and spectacle as the gun spent it's load, the recoil throwing the player all over the stairwell peppering the walls and filling the screen with dust and debris. then I logged.

it took him 4 shots with an m16 to kill that goat and before he even had time to butcher it 3 zeds were on him and he was forced to flee empty handed, through the barn and up the hill. Straight to where I was hidden. 'Nice work there, with the goat hunt' I said in direct 'hello?' came the response, he sounded confused. '4 shots for no meat lad, what you thinking?' I asked 'hello?' uh-oh, it's lights are on but plainly no one is at home 'i'm over here, round to your left' I lied he stopped and looked around, I watched for a few seconds then said 'you have no fucking idea what's going on do you' 'friendly friendly friendly' came the response 'good to know' were the last words he heard, unless you'd describe a burst of the mk48's gunfire as a language, I certainly meant something when I pressed down on the mouse button. whatever you want to call it, it is fair to say that for our hapless hunter at least the penny certainly dropped, as did he, onto the grass, food for the worms.

someone fart?

Who said I was a bandit? I am a murderer, I play this game because it gives me pleasure to kill those who are unfortunate enough to cross my path and too slow to get me first. I am no bandit sir, no, I am just a killer of men.

because every time I kill a player my brain gets a hit of endorphins. In other words it feels good.

I enjoy interaction as long as I get to kill them afterwards. interaction serves as foreplay, it sets the scene and prepares the victim for what is about to happen to him. If I had been you i'd have done things in a similar way however as he turned south I would have shouted something like 'HEY LOSER, HAVE SOME BULLETS BACK' then i'd have full auto'd him in the back with the mk48

I heard the flies somewhere around here someone had died, the dark made finding the corpse troublesome but eventually I found him in the barn. there were two dead zombies and a dead survivor on the first landing of the hay loft, the unfortunate souls final moments couldn't have been painted more graphically by Caravaggio, the hatchet in his hands, the winchester and shells he'd died trying to loot and the zeds he felled before finally succumbing to others, now long since gone, appetites quenched. I took the gun and then turned my attentions to the corpse. he had a map and other essentials I had yet to find. Eagerly I stripped him of his possessions and exited into the cold inky darkness of a moonless rain sodden night, pondering my next move. the factory lay at the base of the slope and a couple of kilometres north was berezino, where I was heading before this stroke of good fortune. I opted instead to head up the slope and take cover under a tree, to wait and see if anyone else decided to loot the farm. after about an hour a car passes by along the road, headlights ablaze but it's occupants clearly weren't on the hunt for anything that may be found around here. a little later a survivor washed up on the beach and for a moment at least it looked as though he was going to head up towards the farm, but he veered left and hit the factory, after disappearing from sight he re-emerged by the bridge and he too melted into the darkness en route to berezino no doubt. that was 2 hours ago now, I was on my second heatpack and down to my last soda and two cans of food, contents unknown, and was about to head off to find myself an animal when I spotted them. 2 survivors, one armed with a pistol the other with an AK and they were headed directly towards the milking shed from the south, I checked my ammo, reloaded and watched, waited, while my pulse steadily increased it's staccato rhythm. they split up, the first (AK) went straight to the hay loft followed by 2 aggravated zombies the 2nd hit the milking shed. Divide and conquer I thought as I forced my cold stiff legs to propel me at full sprint towards the barn. He was bent over the corpse i'd stripped earlier as the zeds ambled up the opposite staircase, I raised my weapon, opened my mic and said softly but menacingly 'this is my fucking barn' and fired 3 shots into his paper thin skull. he didn't have time to react. the zeds turned on me immediately, I ran up the stairs to the now growing body pile and took the AK along with 3 magazines and quickly dodged one zed and managed to get back down the stairs, another zed struck me but failed to draw blood. I ran towards the milking shed. He was waiting for me pistol raised, but his wild panicky shots hit nothing but masonry, I switched to walk mode, lowered my weapon and steadily approached him while he changed magazine. 'what do you think you're doing lad?' I asked, again softly he didn't respond, he fired more shots this time hitting me once but he failed to do any real damage, i raised my AK and said 'just not your night' and fired a burst into his back as he attempted to flee. I heard the sound of a leg breaking and down he went. he was still alive but i'll say this for him, he was no quitter. He had his hatchet out and managed to get up onto one knee. 'you have 5 seconds to convince me not to kill you, i have morphine and blood' i lied, you know how hope in the victims heart makes the kill that much sweeter for the first time he spoke 'i can give you blood if you need it' he said, his voice dripping in the hope i longed for 'BUT I DONT NEEEEED FUCKING BLOOD!' i screamed as i reloaded he began to crawl away, my gun spoke the final words

again he comes armed with his cheap petty insults and lays bare for all to see the inner workings of his stunted mind. The funny thing about teachers pets is, despite the hollow praise they receive for their incessant snitching the teachers hold them in lower regard than the wild spirited kids he tries to land in hot water. Ignored you are sir, and abhorred.

and still it comes to troll, like all teachers pets you are a loathsome, tiresome bore, smug and self satisfied yet blissfully unaware of your own smarminess.

your opinion means nothing to me, it has no value.

oh god the teachers pet, how tragic. like a security guard who didn't quite make the grade as a cop, brown nosing ass licking wretch that you are.

it had been a long and fruitless night. my trip to berezino turned out to be nothing more than a fools errand, the only item of any use I found was an antisceptic wipe however, in the act of looting it I contracted an infection. so onwards, to the North east airfield. I cut around to the East side and went prone under a fir tree pulled out me binos waited. Around 45 minutes after sunrise I heard the sound of a vehicle approaching from the west and soon after I saw it's dust trail. A military off roader was cutting across the lawn heading straight for the hangars. I checked my magazine, ate a piece of goat and raised my binos once more. 2 players, a hero and a female survivor began busily looting the airfield so I got to my feet and using the trees and bushes as cover I made my way towards the southern side of the airfield, covered by the rise in terrain I got to a small cluster of fir tree just behind the ATC. The timing of my arrival was unfortunate. The woman who was atop the tower spotted me. She scampered out onto the balcony and fired a few shots at me with her M4, one hit me as I stood and made a dash for the control tower entrance. I heard the engine start up as I reached the doorway and applied a bandage. our hero was on his way in the vehicle. The foolish woman had decided to try and come round behind me by descending the ladder, which of course I heard, I darted outside and around to the foot of the ladder catching a glimpse of the 4x4 as it slipped in between the 2 hangars. and then the engine stopped, a door opened and closed. 'you lookin' for me?' I asked, this halted her climb, in her confusion and panic she reversed her direction and began climbing back up but a short burst from my AK soon brought her crashing down to earth. No flies, she was out for the count but not yet dead. 'yer sure is purty' I said in my best Louisiana red neck accent before I despatched her with a single shot to the forehead. The 'hero' must have realised there was no saving his woman, I was sprinting across the front of the nearest hangar, 3 or 4 zeds in tow when the engine restarted. I changed direction and ran down the left side of the hangar hoping to get a view of the windscreen, but what I found as I rounded the rear corner forced me to laugh out loud. my mic was still open. Somehow the hero had managed to lose his front left wheel, probably by hitting the hangar, he was still in the drivers seat furiously rocking back and forth as two zeds swiped at him, blood was spurting through the car door. blinded by panic he was completely oblivious to the hopelessness of his predicament. 'git out the auto mo-bile' I said, now enjoying my recently acquired hill billy persona. in his confusion he switched to the passenger seat. by this point I'd had enough of his rank stupidity, 'y'all aint got no brains now do yer boy' I said contemptuously then I unloaded a full clip into the hapless hero and his car killing him dead.

I am very low on blood and have been forced to hunt and eat several animals, I have found antibiotics since.