albinorhino

I posted that first thing this morning before I had my coffee so the good humour of your post eluded me. Also as for "historical debate", it was before my coffee so I was chatting random crap ;) EDIT: I really hope the guy spots this vid as I truly do want to apologise to him. He was a good natured person who laughed at my "So an American, an Irishman and a Welshman are in a car..." joke. We just wanted his car :(

Funny how the narrow minded have to bring in historical debates to a video where bad luck hit us twice.

Friend put a few rounds into the back of his head from a few meters through the car. Rounds bounced off of a non existent rear windshield and only caused him to bleed lightly. Got lucky as I was about to pull the trigger on my revolver at point blank range and finished bandaging while he was still bandaging. Terribad desync between Europe and America is terribad ;)

He might just take it for a spin ;) EDIT: Watch it at full screen on 1080p for the chat box in the last bit.

Oh yeah, and the clan I stole the bus from ended up scripting to get the bus back. I left them at the airfield with nothing to their names except for a four seater car, Winchesters, Lee Enfields and double barrel shotguns. Yet half an hour later they had an apache attack chopper (not in game on public hives) and were fully kitted out with M107s. They all magically appeared in front of us on the road and opened fire. Nice to know I got them REAL mad ;)

Video says it all really. Had a bad spawn in Kamenka (followed by some VERY bad singing from me) when Dan the pilot came along and rescued me and another survivor. Told me to hop out over Cherno ;)

Possibly the first time I've ever seen a chopper that didn't shoot at me on sight...

So I've been alive for four days straight. I've eaten more pasta in these four days than an Italian has in the past year. I've drank more litres of fizzy pop than a family of five does in two years and I've eaten enough tins of beans to fill in several landfill sites, yet my character seems to have absorbed all of this fattening / gassy / constipation causing food as if it was nothing. Why do our zombie apocolypse alter egos never have the urge to defecate their bowels in the nearest bush or relieve their bladder that is on the verge of rupturing and leaking vile liquids all over our internal organs? Imagine this, your character has two additional icons in the bottom right. Bowel status and bladded status. Green means you don't need to relieve yourself and flashing red means your going to need a change of shorts soon. Your crawling through Cherno, you've been here for six hours straight. Looting, pillaging and murdering when nature starts screaming at you that your lower bowel is about to rid itself of one nasty payload. You panic and start looking for somewhere, ANYWHERE, to hitch your shorts to the ground, squat and fertilise the grass. But your too late! Your anus lets out an audible gasp that can be heard from the next town over and you fill your short with what feels like incredibly lumpy gravy. If the audible raspberry your arse produced didn't alert any local zeds as if you had just fired a Lee Enfield, then the stench of a few days worth of sardines, beans and sugary coke will surely bring every member of the living dead within half a klick to come feast on your now relieved anus. Remember, bowel movements are not just for real life! This joke thread has been brought to you by Unholy_Kyono. Nobody has a sense of humour these days?

This was first created back in June. I've seen several threads pop up since then but I like to consider this thread to be the original. What a "shit" sense of humour you have ;)

Back when I lived in Coventry I learned that a friend of mine had downloaded some mutator cheats for his Xbox 360 and was busy cheating away at Call of Duty: World at War. So I waited until his parents were out shopping, went round his house and broke his fucking hand with a hammer. I told him if he ever ratted on me (while he was screaming in agony) that I would come back and smash his other hand. Turns out he never cheated again after that. We were still friends for years after for some odd reason.

Seems that Rocket took my joke and ran with it. Poop is being added to the game! :thumbsup:

So, when will DayZ commander have this up and running? Have followed all the guides shown here yet keep getting "connection failed" error messages.

The real question is, what is Rocket going to do to address the mass cheating situation? I'm finding less and less reason to play Day Z with each passing day. And today alone I've been killed by six cheaters. So Rocket, how will you stop cheaters in the stand alone if you can't stop them in the current game form?

I dunno who jumped the most. Me or the script kiddy. EDIT: Sorry for the horrible audio / video quality. Was a highlight from my stream over on Twitch.

It was sarcasm ;)

Ah yeah I changed my resolution about two seconds before I hit record. Random images from my pics folder were chucked in for shits and giggles. Resolution change made everything mondo huge and I could NOT be arsed sizing everything down. So sorry about that. But at least we can turn debug off so I can remove the top right image ;)

I know right? THAT RANGE! :D

I hide the corpses of everyone I kill. Want your gear back? Go and find more.

Was out looking for snipers while on a Cherno police patrol when I heard some heavy breathing in a bush just south of the east Elektro fire station, and then I found the guy....

Kind of sucks that the view count doesn't actually kick in until someone posts a response...

Yes to taking out barbed wire AND tank traps.

I remember the dayz where you could break legs in one shot with the revolver. Where you could kill a man with two or three shots to the body. Where people FEARED the sound of a .45 magnum revolver and avoided the area at all costs. Now? Now we have a spud gun. A spud gun that fires nerfed potatoes.

In English please? Also I'm not a bandit. Well, I AM, but I don't bother fresh spawns on the beach or people with no weapons (unless they REFUSE to speak to me via microphone or type. That pisses me off so I punish them). True enough about the AS50. I did go up on sniper hill ten minutes later and find some retard using a scrited in thermal AS50. I buried it with his corpse.

I would love to get my hands on a Lee Enfield. Unfortunately I live in Northern Ireland where the police are VERY restrictive on who they give gun licenses to. I suppose I could always get a deactived one and claim it's for decoration ;)

Friend arrived on a bike to help me and another friend after we spawned between Cherno and Elektro. As we pass the lighthouse we come under fire, I see the two snipers and casually swim through the water to get to them. If only the guy had had Stanag rounds in his back pack...