SHOTZfired

http://www.youtube.com/JohnDiceMusic

Male

US

Killing them zombies

It was a cold winter night.. I was born under the waters of lake Minnetonka after a hazardous oil spill resulted from a nuclear meltdown. There I was... a freshly born baby with an M16 in one hand and a rocket launcher in the other ready to destroy them zombies. My mother didn't survive the child birth and the zombies began rushing into the lake.. but I stood my ground. Firing 4,127 shots I decapitated every single zombie with ease and little sweat broken.

Only being 4 minutes old, I sewed my own clothes with grass from the fields of Kuwait and showered in the tears of my enemies: No, zombies can not cry, but these zombies sobbed like an over emotional menstruating female watching the notebook alone on a Friday night. With still only being 4 minutes old, I began using my survival tactics. I quickly built a log cabin in under 12 minutes after cutting down, sawing and re-constructing trees from the plaque infested woods located 317 miles down a road of broken glass and violently erupting volcanoes. After my new mansion of logs was completed I began hunting for both my food... and my prey.

There I spotted a flock of deer... I quickly pounced on one with my baby smooth rear end shining under the pale moon light. The deer stood no chance for the survival tactics I learned while being in the MFOTU (military force of the universe) 20 seconds before stopping a meteor from completely eradicating the planet. I bit the deer's head off with my bear gums before it even knew what hit it than cooked it under my scolding hot glare of battle. It was indeed a delicious a dinner..... the dinner of a champion.

After living this way for 21 years: defeating thousands of enemies, saving the world from complete destruction 37 times in a day, and finally growing the courage to watch Marley and Me; I blew out the candles at my first birthday party..... the guests were the corpses of my prey. I soon decided to make a full-time profession of zombie hunting, and that's when I entered the world...... of DayZ.