Recorded transcript of BI DayZ dev team 1.0 pre-release meeting leaked...

[eno 1049]

Recorded transcript of DayZ 1.0 release. Unfortunately we only hear voices… and we’re not sure who is who… but you get the idea.

Speaker 1 (in charge): “Hello everyone and welcome to our 1.0 launch meeting. Everyone has been working hard over the last 5 years to put out the best product we can for a 1.0 stable release so let’s go around the room for a status update. First of all, let’s talk about the map.”

Speaker 2: “Okay yeah, that’s me. The map is in pretty good shape. Graphics are solid and a clear step up from our origins.  We only have about a dozen unique structures and 2 trees so performance is pretty good. Foliage is thicker making it a little easier to camouflage tents, barrels and bases.”

Speaker 1: “That’s great news. You bring up tents, barrels and bases. How’s persistence working? I trust that it’s all ready to go?”

Muffled scoffs and at least one stifled laugh.

Speaker 3: “Suffice to say we’ll need to asterisks that one since persistence is irregularly irregular. Servers are crashing and everything or random things are getting wiped- we don't know why. Testers can’t confirm whether everything is wiped or just the unlucky few and are unwilling to restore from backups for fear of helping some and screwing many.”

Speaker 1: “Okay well at least a player can rest assured that the gear they have on them is safe?”

Speaker 4: “*Coughs* Not exactly. There are quite a few instances in our pre-release testing where random gear will just evaporate from the character. Sometimes gun stance glitches cause weird results that should be remedied with a game client restart… And it seems to relieve it by dumping the weapon that was being held as well as other random items.”

Speaker 1: “Problem solved I guess hey?”

Speaker 2: “I’m not sure that I…”

Speaker 1: “Okay well if guns are a little funky at least we can lean on the bold, crisp nature of our melee combat?”

Speaker 5: “I wouldn’t  commit to using words like bold and crisp. Unfortunately our collision models are all over the place so zombies will be swinging one way and hitting the other. Meanwhile characters can be swinging directly at them and miss entirely or at least not register a hit. One player on the forums described it as a ballet dance in a phone booth with a tire wrapped around your neck.”

Speaker 1: “Who said that?”

Speaker 5: “Some guy named Eno.”

Speaker 1: “Meh- he’s a moron anyway. Alright, moving on. Evidently we have some issues with various aspects of combat. How about survival?”

Speaker 6: “Survival mechanisms are all on point. We’ve even got it now so  that logging in will make characters bleed profusely. They might not even notice until they’re almost dead… that will surely provide our player base with the survival challenges they crave! Dump some snow and rain on them and we've made it almost impossible to get ahead!”

Speaker 2: “I’m not sure that was the…”

Speaker 1: “Perfect! Moving on...”

Speaker 6: “Well no- let him finish. You got something you want to say to me?!”

Speaker 1: “Settle the fuck down you. Okay so we’ve added some snow and rain… people are going to need to stay warm. How about starting fires?”

Speaker 4: “It’s a study in frustration… People need to spend quite a bit of time running around chopping down trees, then splitting things to certain sizes and then loading them into the fire place at certain times… but not being able to load other items until after the fire is pretty much out at which point they need to go and get bark or other kindling. By the time they’ve run around and done that they’re usually freezing and trying to put a log on the fire requires placing the log in exactly the right place… usually taking a few tries.”

Speaker 1: "What about vehicles? How are they working?" 

Speaker 3: "This one is another mess- vehicles are literally out there killing random people at will as soon as they get in if they’re not complete. We're actually thinking of rebranding the game to "Christine.""

Speaker 1: “She sounds hot. How is our daytime / nighttime looking?”

Speaker 2: “Daytime is good- nighttime looks like a person turned the lights off and put duct tape over their eyes...”

Speaker 1: ”So we’re good there? I mean night is supposed to be dark, right?”

Speaker 2: “This isn’t just dark... it’s as if the universe collapsed into your own pupil.”

Speaker 1: “That sounds extremely unpleasant… I love it! What’s up with loot distribution  how’s that looking?”

Speaker 6: “We have firmly established Chernarus as a primary exporter of pea coats, generators and battery powered accessories. Unfortunately it has about 1 9v battery per hundred square miles and vehicles but no sparkplugs. These are more rare than finding a zombie with a winning lotto ticket onboard.”

Speaker 1: “Sounds like a winner!”

Speaker 4: “But-“

Speaker 1: “Okay then... Anyone feel like we’re not ready for our 1.0 launch?”

Speaker 5: "To be honest I don't feel like we're getting full bang for our bucks spent creating the rooster sound. I'd like to make sure players hear it at LEAST 4 times per minute." 

Speaker 1: "Any objections?" 

Silence.

Speaker 1: “Right, then it's settled. Roosters for days. Everyone got their lambos picked out? We launch at dawn!”

Meeting adjourned.    

Edited December 26, 2018 by eno

[Brandon Clinch 50]

Nailed it.

[McWendy 675]

I dont care about the rest THIS was a good read. Ty. :)

[☣BioHaze☣ 7337]

I know it might seem irrelevant to some people but it's 5 years, not 6.

And boy, that's gotta be nice, venting all that nerd rage.

Happy holidays.

Maybe when it's all fixed, we'll look back at this dark period and be able to laugh it off a little.... Maybe.

[emuthreat 2837]

That bleeding bug got me, and I even knew about it and was prepared....

[Mookie (original) 799]

9 minutes ago, emuthreat said:

That bleeding bug got me, and I even knew about it and was prepared....

Inversely, probably the only bug in "1.0" that didn't somehow kill me.

[Guy Smiley 534]

The butt-hurt is strong with this one

[eno 1049]

24 minutes ago, Guy Smiley said:

The butt-hurt is strong with this one

Don't take it too seriously, champ. 

[Guy Smiley 534]

7 minutes ago, eno said:

Don't take it too seriously, champ. 

Other way around sports fan

[Evilsausage 87]

Great post, so spot on! 

[eno 1049]

19 hours ago, ☣BioHaze☣ said:

I know it might seem irrelevant to some people but it's 5 years, not 6.

Funny you of all people bring that up since I got the 6 years reference from a post you wrote.

 

[☣BioHaze☣ 7337]

15 minutes ago, eno said:

Funny you of all people bring that up since I got the 6 years reference from a post you wrote.

 

I said 5 year mark in that post regarding development.

I've been on here over 6 years but more than a year of that was during the mod.

The quote, "Those of us who have been here for 6+ years", included my time here during the mod, and made no reference to the SA development time.

Edited December 25, 2018 by ☣BioHaze☣

[eno 1049]

3 hours ago, ☣BioHaze☣ said:

The quote, "Those of us who have been here for 6+ years", included my time here during the mod, and made no reference to the SA development time.

"Those of us who have been here for 6+ years more or less expect piece meal social engagement and lack of transparency from the devs."

Actually it alluded to it... but anyway. I got my number from you since I figured you knew what you're talking about. I've since changed it and you're full of excuses so I digress. 

Merry Christmas.

[forteantimes23 5]

I liked the bit about the rooster.

Anyone hear that sound like a barrel filled with broken glass rolling down a hill? that scared the hell out of me. 

[philbur 476]

On ‎2018‎-‎12‎-‎25 at 3:19 PM, eno said:

"Those of us who have been here for 6+ years more or less expect piece meal social engagement and lack of transparency from the devs."

Actually it alluded to it... but anyway. I got my number from you since I figured you knew what you're talking about. I've since changed it and you're full of excuses so I digress. 

Merry Christmas.

That's awesome, guys.

Let's start hissy-fits with all the long-time folks around here!

I'm next, please!

I'm sure you can find a few contradictory or just plain ole' Bullshit statements by me somewhere....

Your post was funny @eno, and your chiming in about the accuracy of your time in the SA is appreciated, Bio….

But, generally speaking, Since the 1.0 release the overall Forum content has become more like a Funeral Home. (and we know who is in the coffin....don't we...)

The SA is dead! Long Live the SA!

Let's have a great start to the new year, everyone...and just enjoy these Forums for chatting amongst us...and enjoy whatever incarnation of the SA you happen to prefer from Community Servers.

All it will take is for ONE talented modder to decide the SA needs divine intervention and we can forget the SA Status Reports ever existed.

And maybe by then someone on the Dev Team (freshly fired, probably) will finally reveal exactly what the f%#k they were doing all this time.

BTW.... "Nerd Rage" is not a bad thing... We all have had it...and it's pretty damn funny when you think about it...

 

Edited December 29, 2018 by philbur

[eno 1049]

22 minutes ago, philbur said:

All it will take is for ONE talented modder to decide the SA needs divine intervention and we can forget the SA Status Reports ever existed.

And that modder will then breakaway to launch his own standalone version of his DayZ mod... a military sim called "Armagerd" where zombies are modded to soldiers.   Available for Early Access in May, 2019!  

22 minutes ago, philbur said:

And maybe by then someone on the Dev Team (freshly fired, probably) will finally reveal exactly what the f%#k they were doing all this time.

I think that sounds like content for an up and coming leaked audio transcript... 

Edited December 29, 2018 by eno

[eno 1049]

On 12/25/2018 at 2:07 PM, forteantimes23 said:

Anyone hear that sound like a barrel filled with broken glass rolling down a hill? that scared the hell out of me. 

Honestly I haven't heard that one yet... 

[forteantimes23 5]

14 hours ago, eno said:

Honestly I haven't heard that one yet... 

Respawned and ran up to Mcta. Whilst looting a brown house opposite the water fountain I heard this sound approaching. I first thought it's a messed-up bugged sound for a vehicle but it was like a a huge barrel filled with glass rolling down a hill and I just cringed behind the house. Nothing out there, no vehicle or anything, gunshots in the distant but a long way off. 

[philbur 476]

21 hours ago, eno said:

And that modder will then breakaway to launch his own standalone version of his DayZ mod... a military sim called "Armagerd" where zombies are modded to soldiers.   Available for Early Access in May, 2019!  

I think that sounds like content for an up and coming leaked audio transcript... 

Oh my God...what have I done.

It always starts with the best of intentions....

I apologize in advance, to all those who are about to be assaulted by Eno's stylized prose. ;-)

[eno 1049]

6 hours ago, forteantimes23 said:

Respawned and ran up to Mcta. Whilst looting a brown house opposite the water fountain I heard this sound approaching. I first thought it's a messed-up bugged sound for a vehicle but it was like a a huge barrel filled with glass rolling down a hill and I just cringed behind the house. Nothing out there, no vehicle or anything, gunshots in the distant but a long way off. 

You hadn't recently partaken in a cornucopia of raw human flesh or anything of that nature?  

It's an interesting sound- I've never heard it and I've also never eaten human flesh so by the powers invested in me by deductive reasoning that MUST be it. 

Kidding of course... I still have no idea. Anyone else ever heard that barrel with broken glass sound have any idea what it is?

I'm quite familiar with Msta / Mcta... I used to set up my gardens there for people running past... but that was a LOooooooooooooooong time ago.  

Edited December 30, 2018 by eno

[schwaBAM 200]

Best post I've ever read on here.  Absolutely perfect.  Eno and I play this game a lot, but we can still poke fun at all the known frustrations of this game.  I just cannot believe that they decided to come out of early access with the current state of the game and to leave out an enormous amount of stuff that they promised us would be put in once the player controller was implemented.  It's actually quite comical and absolutely ridiculous to think of their discussions leading up to the moment of release.  I figured that they would acknowledge the issues and work "around the clock" to get a fix out to remedy their mistakes.  However, all we got was "we are working on a long term fix..".

With that said, the combat in DayZ is the best I've ever played and it is extremely exciting to know so much is on the line when you are fully geared.  No other game compares.  So I will continue to wait anxiously for updates.