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How do you deal with breakups?

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Trust me, I've been there, tried that, it doesn't work. There is an old saying, and it's a wise one, "If you love someone, let them go, and if they don't come back, then it's meant to be." Give her some space, let her think about things without you. Let her wonder what you're up to, and miss hanging out with you. Constant communication with you means she never gets that, and maybe it's the lack of space that made her break up with you in the first place? Unless she has already met someone, she isn't going to find someone else in a week, so make the decision and cut her off for a week.  Honestly, speaking to her every 10 minutes will drive her further away.

okay. i'm doing it. as much as i hate to admit it, i didn't want to stop talking to her. but i know she isn't exactly coming back, no matter how long i wait i know she wont come back, i wish she would so i could make everything better, but it's a try and if it did work, i'm not sure if it's the best thing, yes i love her, and i don't want to lose her, but i can't handle getting hurt twice. but i know and she knows that i'd take her back in heartbeat. i'll see how this goes. :/

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but i know and she knows that i'd take her back in heartbeat.

 

That's allways a bad position in a relationship. You should keep that in mind for the next one.

I really know you're hurt, I know it from own experiences. But it'll fade, mate! So stay strong and don't fucking call her! ;)

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just don't answer the phone

don't answer the phone

don't call her

 

don't call her for at least a week - if she wants to talk to you she can come find you face to face..

 

Any girl you ever meet in your life  is going to like a man who can make decisions and sort his ideas out for himself

So do that - make the decision - don't call her, don't answer the phone. Go out and ride a bike, run up a hill, do 40 lengths of the pool, clear your head leave that teenage stuff behind you

 

Really soon you'll start feeling better, then you'll start feeling good - you get stronger in yourself and any girl you meet will like you better for it.. just stop thinking about her and do something else. Make your mind up to do that.

 

Join a local climbing club and get on their wall in the evenings.. Learn to climb rock faces.  that's GOOD.

 

So do it. Get strong - Go to the future. Stop being sorry for yourself and move, you'll enjoy it I swear.

Edited by pilgrim

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okay. i'm doing it. as much as i hate to admit it, i didn't want to stop talking to her. but i know she isn't exactly coming back, no matter how long i wait i know she wont come back, i wish she would so i could make everything better, but it's a try and if it did work, i'm not sure if it's the best thing, yes i love her, and i don't want to lose her, but i can't handle getting hurt twice. but i know and she knows that i'd take her back in heartbeat. i'll see how this goes. :/

 

There you have it my friend, every guy here has said the same thing, don't talk to her! It's tough, and if you think you're going to break, make sure you delete her number from your phone to make it harder to contact her. Whatever you do though, don't tell her that you're not going to talk to her, that creates more drama, just stop the contact. Like we've all now said, give it at least a week without responding or contacting and see how you feel.

 

Let us know how you get on.. and if you think you're going to break, and need to send her a message.. Log into DayZ and shoot some zombies or people instead!

Edited by McTabish

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Enjoy the freedom, bandaids always hurt when you rip them off but as you age you realise ripping them off quicker benefits you more.  Whats most important to you at your current age will change and advance tenfold by the time you are 30.  Don't rush yourself into another relationship for the sake of being with someone, as I said enjoy the freedom because when your older and possibly hitched with some woman for 14 years you will think to yourself when I had that first break up I should have enjoyed my time to myself.  Breakups are almost never easy unless your fed up with the other half at which point it becomes relief vs grief.  What ever mood you are feeling right now, absorb it to make you a better person (emotionally) but move on as life will always throw curve balls and you have alot more to live.  The longer you spend away from the person completely the easier it will be to maintain how you once were and even grow in alot of aspects for future relationships.  Just keep your head up regardless and think long term for yourself, what will I be doing in 1-3 years from now.  Being single is a great way to find out more about yourself and advance in life without distractions so don't let a few months drag you down. 

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Hey,

 

I'm not sure the DayZ community is the best place for relationship advice but oh well! You're 17, so I'm guessing she was your first serious girlfriend? We've all been there, and you've now joined a very large community (99% of us) of men that have had their heart broken by a girl. And if you're a gamer, this is likely to happen more than once!

 

First off, you need to remember a few things, you might like to think you're a grownup, but you're still a teenager, and your hormones are a little out of whack right now. Everything seems so much worse than it really is, and that's the chemistry in your body, you can't do anything about that. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, quite the contrary its very normal. You don't need to see a doctor, and you don't need any pills to make yourself feel any better.

 

Breakups however hurt at any age, I'm almost 31 and broke up with my girlfriend of four years last year. This was someone I'd lived with for years, worked with, been backpacking around the world with, almost had a child with, and completely based my life around. It's hard to know how to feel, and you go from angry at them to self loathing. It's so easy to want to contact them, to either plead for them to come back or take a dig at them, but honesty don't do it.

 

Good relationships don't generally end, so have a think about it, and when you think over the last year and a half I'm sure you'll realise that things were not perfect, and most likely she was not the right person for you.

 

My best advice is to not contact your ex at all, in any way whatsoever. Don't block them or anything dramatic, just stop talking to them, and stop looking at their social media pages. There are a few reasons why you need to stop talking to them completely, first off, it really hurts your self esteem and makes you feel a lot worse when you get no reply or not the reply you wanted. Second, you can come across as needy or troubled, and in the girls mind, this will justify her reasoning for breaking up in the first place. And finally, if you keep contacting her, she will never get the chance to actually miss you.

 

My second bit of advice is to do more exercise! I'm not sure what kind of shape you're in, but exercise releases endorphines into the brain that will make you feel better. Stick some upbeat tunes onto an mp3 player and go for a run. It doesn't matter if you can only run for 30 seconds and then walk, it's that initial burn that makes the difference. Believe me, when you're jogging or running you won't give a shit about anything else. Next up, eat well.. Fuel your body with healthy foods. Throw the fizzy sugary drinks away and drink more water and green tea. Eat lean meat and top up on the salad without sugar laced dressings. Sugar is an addictive depressant, avoid it! How we feel is directly linked to what we eat and how much exercise we do. When you exercise regularly, and eat well, your self confidence will increase. You might think this is a trivial thing, or you can't be bothered, but doing something to better yourself will make you feel so much better.

 

Let us know how you get on.

^ Probably the best balanced advice here.

@ OP:

I've only had 2 Girls my entire life (and happily married to the second). No matter what it's gona hurt bro. Don't do what I did and waste time sulking and being miserable. also remeber, when it comes to EX's in most cases there's a good reason they're your EX! Don't get drawn into a unhealthy cycle. I've found if it's meant to work it just kinda will. the last thing you wan't to do (especially at your age) is spend months beating yourself up trying to cling to a 'sinking ship'.

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Sorry if this has already been said, but I didn't want to read through everyone's posts...

 

... You need to accept that it will take you AT LEAST 6 months to get over her. It could take longer, we are all different with this. You need to immediately get rid of EVERYTHING and anything that reminds you of her, because as long as she is in your mind, you won't be able to get over her. Delete any photos on Facebook/Insta/Social Media, delete holiday photos with her in etc etc. Keep yourself busy doing whatever you like doing, and if you don't have loads of hobbies, take some new stuff up. Doing new things is also a great way of meeting new people, and you never know you could meet you future gf in the process. But don't go out looking for a new girl, because you won't find one when you're looking and not in a great place.

 

Hope some of that helps, and just stay strong. You WILL get over her and YOU WILL find someone else in the future, even if you cannot picture that right now.

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There's not a huge amount you can do to feel better in the moment, but I 100% guarantee that you will totally get over it and things will be fine.

The main thing that helped me during my last breakup was Boardwalk Empire, lots of Boardwalk Empire... Find some solace whether it is in friends, video games or TV shows. It won't make you feel better all the time but it will carry you through.

The best thing I can say is let it go. We all want to write that perfect message or enact the perfect gesture that fixes everything, but it wont, it will just drag things out even more. I personally wouldn't bother messaging her again at all. You'll really want to sometimes, but just don't. She chose to end it, let it end, make it final, even if she wants to contact you.  Focus on yourself. Things are going to be alright. I know it hurts now but it will fade and things will fall into place.

All the best

Edited by DoctorBadSign

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That's the thing i want her back more than ever, and i'm scared if i stop talking to her she will move on and find some one else, the reason she broke up with because she wasn't happy, but she said she still loved me... so i'm not sure what i should do.

 

As stated by quite a few people, completely cut ties with the girl and go enjoy life. Years down the road you'll look back on this and laugh. It might be hard to see it now, but none of this means a damn thing. It's not important. If I could do it all over, I would spend way less time pining over all those girls I thought I loved in high school. I can't even remember half their names now. What seemed like the end of the world then turned out to be a foggy memory now. 

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Hey guys! been a while since ive posted on forums!

 

But i need some serious advice!

 

my girlfriend or should i say ex of almost a year and a half broke up with me the other day, and i'm asking what's the best way of dealing with it? ive been feeling pretty dark since it happened, ive gone and seen a doctor about it. and i need some advice on how i should move on or feel as confident again!

 

Thank you guys.

 

So how do you deal with breakups?  <_<

Pick up a new hobby. After my divorce I got into football. After a recent breakup I got into Star Wars: The Old Republic. If you need someone to vent to drop me a line and we can play some TF2 or something.

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Thank you everyone for the advice these couple of days! it's made me a feel a lot better! thank you again!

 

I've decided to go for walks/runs around in the mornings or when i get home from school, and get out of house more and be active and getting healthy,

 

Thanks a lot guys!

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Thank you everyone for the advice these couple of days! it's made me a feel a lot better! thank you again!

 

I've decided to go for walks/runs around in the mornings or when i get home from school, and get out of house more and be active and getting healthy,

 

Thanks a lot guys!

 

Sounds like a good plan :)

 

Do it for yourself though. 

 

Develop a lifestyle that you enjoy and is fulfilling independently of anyone else. I'm not saying this is your motivation at all, but any time I've done anything to make myself more attractive towards women, or in any way thought that a woman is what I need to make myself complete I have come across as needy and desperate. Independence is a way happier way to live, and it has the added bonus of being way more attractive.

 

This might not be the right time to give that advice, but believe me I wish I had it when I was 17, it would have saved a lot of time and frustration.

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What I do is I just is I just focus on one thing and put all my energy towards it to keep my mind off of the breakup. Try to focus on self improvement by picking up new hobbies/activities. Going to the gym and eating right is something I force myself to do and it helps you feel better throughout the day. If you don't know where/what to learn you can always just go to sites like Udemy and pick a random course that interests you haha.. (or if you wanna focus on school and excel in your classes you can go to sites like KhanAcademy/StudyPug(paid) and grind out the examples in a textbook). I find doing math problems gets in into the 'zone' and I forget about everything that's happening around me.

 

Edited by Destiny Riggins

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