Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'joke'.



More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Official
    • Announcements & Information
    • Developer Discussion & Status Reports
    • Stable Patch Discussion
    • Experimental Patch Discussion
    • Stress Test Discussion
  • DayZ - PC
    • New Player Discussion
    • General Discussion
    • Gallery
    • Suggestions
    • Bug Reports
    • Recruitment
    • Servers
    • Troubleshooting
  • MiniDayZ
    • MiniDayZ
  • Other Platforms
    • PS4
    • Xbox
  • DayZ Mod
    • Mod Announcements & Info
    • New Player Discussion
    • DayZ Mod General Discussion
    • DayZ Mod Gallery
    • Mod Servers & Private Hives
    • DayZ Mod Suggestions
    • DayZ Mod Troubleshooting
  • Off-Topic
    • Off-topic General Discussion
    • Health and Fitness
    • Hobbies
    • Current Events
    • TV/Movies
    • Music
  • DayZ Mod

Found 17 results

  1. Forum staff activity has been low, so Orlok is trying his best to encourage new applicants to follow his cause. For some reason, they all end up being Orlok's mare...
  2. ...and I'm not joking, for I have been shown this by a coworker, and it really fits too well! Go big company projects!!
  3. Looking for a pet koala?

    For those interested in acquiring a new pet. http://www.tickld.com/x/gumnutkoala
  4. Horticulture confirmed

    I can confirm that Horticulture is finally in the game !! ( This is a joke and not to be taken seriously )
  5. Chris Angel Plays DayZ

    Surely you have 1 minute and 15 seconds spare to watch this magnificent magic trick ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZlqTf_XMoM edit: had to reupload this video as the original became corrupt on the youtube.
  6. Hi there. Before I go into my thoughts and feelings on the current build of the game (0.34.115106), I'd like to give a quick introduction to myself, how I've contributed to the DayZ community, why I play DayZ, and why I feel so strongly about this game, and it's current state. My name is TOPMO3, and I've been playing the early Mod of DayZ for Arma 2 since May 2012. Being a 3D artist, and an avid enthusiast of games in general, I lent my skills to create custom textures for the DayZ mod. The Forum topic received over 40K views, and still remains one of the top 5 most viewed topics on the Suggestions Sub-Forum on forums.dayzgame.com. My hope was that the textures would be put into the game by the devs, but they never were. Oh well :) Although it may not matter, I should also mention that I work as an FX Artist in the video game industry for one of the more successful MMO companies, and I have had lots of discussions on DayZ with some of our most senior game designers, who all agree about DayZ's potential. I play DayZ because I think it's one of the most original and exciting games I have played in a long, long time. It's hard for me to be truly excited about games (mostly because everything is a copy of a copy now a days), and DayZ really has a freshness to it that is second to none. At least that's how I felt about the mod, when I started playing it. As with any new game, once the first week or so is over, and you become more and more familiar with the mechanics, some of the "magic" seems to go away. DayZ was no different, but it somehow still kept being interesting through it's persistent game-play, and it's constant level of "threat" that the player would feel. Either from the very scary (back in the early days) Zombies, other players, or just the foreboding environment (remember the really dark nights?) I eventually stopped playing the mod because of the Hackers, and waited patiently for the Standalone to come out, hoping this would be the game I was hoping it could be. After playing the stand-alone with my friends for about a week, I wanted to come here and offer my views on the direction of the new game, and hopefully have a conversation with some of you, to see how everyone else feels about it. I am currently playing on a full Hardcore server. I feel like Hardcore lends itself better to the tension of the game by removing the 3rd person camera. Yes, I am strongly against the 3rd person camera and it's for a good reason. 1st person prevents cute "cheats" like peeking around corners, or looking into rooms with the floating camera. It completely removes any sense of tension by making you feel like you're a ghost floating around your character. I also chose HC server because I was hoping the "threat" (more on this later) would feel more significant in Hardcore mode. I'll start with my biggest complaint at the moment. This "Survival" game, doesn't feel very much like a survival game at all. Let me be clear. The only sense of survival you feel currently, is in the first 15-30 minutes of a fresh play through. Either after you're dead, or if you started a new character, etc. When you have no food, no water, and no way of defending yourself, it truly feels pretty interesting in the "Survival" sense. Zombies can be somewhat of a problem, however, after acquiring any semblance of a weapon (hammer, machete, axe), zombies become a complete joke, and are easily disposed of. Even on the hardcore server, the only thing you have to worry about at the moment is another player, finding something sharp to open cans with, and finding water. I don't feel threatened, and the tension in the current build is almost non-existent, if you disregard PvP, which has always been great in DayZ. At the moment, the average game play feels roughly like this: 30 minutes of initial looting for food/water/weapon. Next 2-3 hours moving "north". Looting all the cool "stuff" you need. Spending a few days running around looking for action/loot. Eventually either dying to another player, or becoming so disinterested in empty towns, and your full backpack of useless stuff, that you move back to the coast, and kill new players. There is nothing for me to feel scared of outside of town. There is nothing stopping me from sitting in the woods all day, and moving into town only for food/water (when Hunting comes, this will eliminate that all together), and eventually, there will be no reason for me to play at all. Camps will help, so will vehicles, but eventually, those will just be hoarded into the woods by groups of players (as they were in the Mod), and there they will sit. Again, there is nothing "threatening" in the current build of the game, and I am confused why in the alpha (when the features of the game are being implemented), these core game play issues haven't been addressed. I have seen that Dean has mentioned the complete lack of zombies in level, and that they are trying to optimize the zombie to loot spawn ratio, making sure the servers can handle the loads, but what happened to the scary zombies in DayZ mod, that would swarm you, break your legs, and leave you for dead? Am I missing something? Did anyone remember crawling around zombies, as not to startle them, because that meant your immediate death? Right now I run past them with a "lol" and just cut the corner, and that's it. Zombies are currently a joke to me (sorry for the emotional response, but it's sad to see the state of the zombie in this game become what it has after a much more interesting version of them in the mod, which was 2 years ago!) Please allow me now to be much more constructive with my thread. What I think would greatly help make this game a truly unique experience and incredibly challenging, fun, and original? Please reconsider the "Threat" mechanic in the game. I don't mean the LoS for zombies, or aggro here. I mean the feeling a player has of impending "threat" to his life/safety/survival. Currently, this only happens during PvP, and outside of cities, there is ZERO threat from anything else. Here are some suggestions I have for this 1) Bring back scary zombies. They have to be fast, they have to be plenty, they have to 2-3 hit break your legs, and 5-6 hit kill you. Make them hear you again (seems like only LoS agro right now), and make them chase you and keep track of you for longer. The player has to feel like there is a constant "threat" of zombies in the world. This is absolutely crucial. The zombies must be the mechanic in this game that is constant, and terrifying. With the right implementation, I honestly feel like it's this mechanic that can actually get players to work more together, instead of KOS each other. If the zombies are such a threat, that players have a hard time surviving solo encounters with several of them. Group survival should be more successful. I am honestly hoping this is the end goal for the devs, I just really rather see more talk in the Dev blogs about this, than cooking. Because cooking is a neat "feature" that I can live without. Having zombies that don't work, or are a lol-factor, is game-breaking for me, in a zombie apocalypse simulator. 2) Threat in the wild. Dean has mentioned wandering zombie packs in the woods, and I think this is %100 must happen. Currently there is no threat at all in the woods, and that takes away from the overall tension the player feels. If you have a gun, food/water/meds, you can live in the woods indefinitely and see zero action. Zero action gives way to only one direction, heading into town and killing other players. There is nothign else to really "survive" against. You live long enough to become the villain. Which is why I think with the addition of Hunting, wild aggressive animals are a MUST. How would you feel about being ambushed in the night by a charging boar (it's eyes glinting from your flashlight), or a pack of wolves, or a bear? Even a harmless skunk or badger might scare the crap out of you. The feeling of "threat" in the woods would be significantly higher. Right now woods = safety. This should NOT be the case. Again, while seeing the devs work on cool new features, I think the sense of tension is much more important to the shelf-life of this game, than say, a physics system that lets you throw your beans at zombies. 3) No Night Vision Goggles, or Thermal Optics. Not now, not ever, please remove these mechanics from the game. As someone who has owned every item in the mod, I have to tell you that these items break the game, and break it badly. Players stop playing at night because they are terrified of someone on this server who has these items (even if anyone actually does or not). Full servers become empty, and the player with the NVG is forced to hop servers. Bring back the flares, bring back the glow sticks, and keep the flashlights. Those things create tension and fun. NVGs create irrational fear, and take the challenge out of the game. Remember when you first started playing, and you'd see those red flare glows in a town? Or active glow sticks on the ground in your area, that created tons of tension. Getting 1-shotted at night by a NVG sniper doesn't create any tension, just poor gameplay. I have lots of other complaints at the moment but I think everyone does, and they are getting sorted out by the Devs. Speaking of which, huge respect to the whole team, and the people working on making this game great. It can be a one-of-a-kind game, I truly feel that way. I am hoping that the core mechanics that really make this game new and interesting are what get the most attention from the community and the devs. I will continue to play this game, and hope for the great changes, but I feel that unless the game addresses the issues I brought up, it will still suffer from the same problems the Mod suffered from. As my friend put it "I just looted the airfield, what do I do now?" syndrome. This game is best when you're threatened, and you have to survive. Please bring back the threat that made me fall in love with this game. Thank you for reading the wall of text. Feel free to discuss/comment/flame. TOPMO3
  7. Banned Account

    So yesterday I wrote a post on a base building thread saying that I would fortify a pub, get drunk with all the whiskey and rape female characters on an OBVIOUS joke...a joke that caused my permanent ban from this forum. I can still find full SERIOUS threads talking about implementing rape into the game, or post talking about adding children to kidnap and kill. But my post was (apparently) worse, a joke which isn't the first of its kind to be posted in these forums. So I politely ask PLEASE, unban my old account. A Message asking for no jokes would've been enough. I got the point. Can I get my old account back pls? PS: I can't remember which were the rape/children threads, serious sick threads (which didn't got their authors banned btw) and since I can't check my history on my old account, can provide the link. But I seriously think a simple obvious joke is not enough for a permanent ban, right? I see people insulting each other, and making really sick suggestions...why aren't they BANNED...why must a joke be a ban target?
  8. This was possibly one of my funniest moments in Dayz. Not because of the result, but because of what my squadmate said in response to it. It just made the perfect moment and brought a lot of laughter to us. I hope it brings as much laughter to everyone, I felt the need to share it.
  9. ...one with an AKM, and the other with a Lee Enfield. They stop and study each other, each reaching their pinkies towards the CAPS LOCK buttons of their keyboards. "It kind of sucks we both walked in here," the Lee Enfield joked. In reply, the AKM said simply, "No, it sucks that you aren't leaving."
  10. Urban Myths

    I heard there was a new mod update coming soon.
  11. Hello! I was trying to get on the CA1 server with my friend, only to find out that he was banned for cheating/hacking, while I wasn't able to get onto the server anymore (connecting failed) If the/an admin sees this, may you please unban my friend (player name is "Callum"), and check if I was banned or what is going on with that (player name is "Kyshu") I had been kicked before for cheating/hacking after I was making a joke (the admin got off, I was typing in the side chat "Admin disconnected, time to turn my hacks on! :P" or something like that. I would really like to return on that server as it had side chat + a bunch of pretty nice people and we had a vehicle there. I can also assure you me and my friend are definitely not hacking! :P Okay, so if the admin ses this, I would like to apply for a unban. Greetings, Kyshu
  12. Is this the store that doesn't have bread? Nope, this is the store that doesn't have toilet paper. The store that doesn't have bread is across the street. The doctor asks the husbond to sit down. Doctor: I'm happy to say that your wife is OK, only there are some complications. Husbond: What? Doctor: Well, how should I say this, the muscles in her anus don't work anymore, so she will be constantly shitting. Also, after the accident she has no arms, so... You'll have to do the wiping. Husbond: Alright... Doctor: But that's not everything. During the operation she got an infection in her vagina leading to yellow puss constantly leaking out. So no sex. Husbond: OK... Doctor: Haha, I'm just kidding. Your wife is dead.
  13. So we noticed that one guy above all others in our small clan got himself into some off conversational screw ups, you know what it's like when your playing and not focussing on the discussion, they can take a turn for the weird... well, from one video clip, I managed to put together this audio clip on him... mwahahaha. (It may have been edited for shits and giggles)..... http://www.survive-z.com/?p=81
  14. For starters, if you don't care for the rants of angry nerds then you best look for another thread. How fucking long does it take to fix a patch? They've completely fucked the game with this recent patch and to begin with I thought "It's alpha, this sort of thing is to be expected' but now it's 5+ days after the fact and it's still not fixed? I mean what the fuck. The game is unplayable, I can barely find a server that will actually pass the loading screen and the graphical glitches are still running rampant. It's poor enough that they release such a horrid patch to begin with, but not fixing it within a reasonable time frame is even worse. Did they just give up on this mod all together and start working on this 'stand alone' version of the game? TL;DR Dev team are fucking woeful and need to hurry the fuck up with fixing the game.
  15. A lot of threads are made each day in this forum suggesting fixes to a 'bandit problem.' Most of them seem like they're cut from the same mold, and pretty much all of them are shot down pretty quickly. I figured I'd give myself a go at one of these! The Backstory Apparently scientists, using science, have discovered a way to make people act more compassionately. They achieve this by sending electricity through your brain, and then it does stuff, and then you're nicer. The effects last for as long as you're zapping your brain and about 20 minutes after, so there are no long term side effects from the treatment (they did say continuous use might make you a better person, but hey, I consider that a bonus.) Here's a video, for science! http://youtu.be/rc6kk3cT8kM?t=25m20s What does this have to do with DayZ? Well, if DayZ ever goes standalone, they could add those electricity zapping headbands as a peripheral that you wear while playing, making you less likely to shoot on sight and overall make you a better person. It's a win-win scenario! No game-breaking mechanics are introduced, people can still try really hard to be bandits (or they can just not wear the headband, but hey, that's not cool), and the world becomes a better place! Critiques, comments, cruelties, cans, all are welcome!
  16. Add shovels as melee weapons

    As seen in scary movie 3, you can already reload them so they'd fit right in with the other melee weapons
×